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The Cancer That Is Killing /b/
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This article was written by a newfag, and is growing lest ye forget.
The cancer that is killing /b/ is a phrase commonly tossed around 4chan, referring to any symptom(s) responsible for the apparent decline in the quality of /b/ over the years. It is unknown to many, and to those it is known, they know it as the big fuck you to the patient, and has been speculated by some to be various things. Many have speculated the cancer was caused by The Great Habbo Raid of July 2006, the Faux News outing of 2007, Project Chanology, and a number of other things, but since /b/tards have been whining about n00bs since day one, it is now known that /b/ was born with cancer. The cancer originally meant retarded newfags who crapflood /b/ with old memes that they discovered on ED Last Thursday.
The phrase has since been taken up by those of other boards, as well, and is used to describe any major problem of that particular community. Or any minor problem. Or anything at all that the poster happens to disagree with. So, "The Cancer That Is Killing /b/" (or rather "The Cancer That Is Killing /any board/") has sort of become a catch-all phrase for butthurt faggots who think they are being trolled and "their" board ruined. Calling the offenders newfags also comes with the territory.
Oh and what would /b/ be without newfags? (Cock, A much better place for me to fucking poop on)
Outside of 4chan, the simplest definition of a newfag, is basically anyone who claims to be associated with Anonymous, who isn't a sociopath, and/or actually cares about other people.
Here are some of the worst threats to /b/, as presented by random dipshits who likely have no idea what they're talking about:
When mods, and admins just stop giving a shit, their *chans tend to fall into the pit trap of cancerous aids, and eventually null root. This is most notable in 4chan, where the detestable muffpoot's e-penis is directly dependent on the size of his user base. Meaning that to him, furries and gaiafags are A-OK! Most of the time, however, when the admins stop caring they close down their chan, as has been the fate of many a shitty *chan board, and thus, it takes a special breed of faggot to let himself be the cancer of his own chan... and some people wonder why he's called a genius.
One of the biggest cancers of /b/, even more than any user is when the chan lags and dies. Every day, moot makes /b/ go slower and slower, while making the other boards on 4chan go faster and faster. Moot is also too lazy to implement tiny fixes to solve huge problems in /b/ that have existed for years and he also is too lazy to do anything about how >9000% of /b/'s posts are spam from Anontalk.com or wutchan or "the surgeon" or over9000.net.
The absence of W.T. Snacks, a former mod kicked out by moot known for viciously banning newfags, spammers, shitposters and retards is also considered to be one of the key factors causing the cancer, despite the best efforts to rehire him, as his regular trolling and pwning of the user base kept the undesirable people out.
Thus, moot truly is the cancer that is killing /b/ Zomg rules 1 and 2 newfag.
Newfags and Oldfags
Newfags have the stereotype of being typical teenage bullshit like giving camwhores attention, trying to use /b/ as their personal army, trying to use anon as a means of spreading justice/goodwill, arguing over Mac vs PC's, wars over circumcision or nations, getting offended by everything, have stupid posts which include at least 100 memes each, and all other shit nobody cares about, but most of these are actually trolls.
A real newfag is obsessed with their title newfag and thus are obsessed with hiding it. If you ever see someone use "newfag" as an insult at another person specifically, you can guarantee that person is a newfag. All newfags think, "I don't know shit and I don't want to lurk at all, so if I just go around calling people newfags, nobody will notice I am one." If someone actually says they're a newfag, they're not and they're trolling.
Contrast this to an oldfag. To an oldfag, 99% of people on /b/ are newfags. Maybe they were once disgusted by it, but they've thrown up their hands and just accepted the hopelessness of it. An oldfag isn't going to go around complaining of newfags because it'd turn the wrath of /b/ against them and end up like Alex Wuori. An oldfag considers things so hopeless that they rarely speak of newfags at all. 99% of oldfags have left /b/ rarely to return (e.g. Shii). The first ever oldfag, moot, just gave up like this for several years, letting /b/ become full of cancer, but eventually he realized it's his own website so he had no choice but to deal with it. To moot, everyone on 4chan is a newfag and you never see him calling people this.
Newfags also don't realize 99% of oldfags have left /b/ rarely to return. They think oldfags hang around /b/ whining about the younger crop while talking about how great things were back in their day. Actually, every single time someone does this, they're trolling.
Where did the OldFags come from, where did they go? (Cotton eye Joe) Back in the day it wasn't a surprise to pull up /b/ and see it completely covered in gore. Real OldFags are FYAD posters that found 4chan off of SA many years ago. The OldFags saw the cancerous state that /b/ was moving towards and decided to go back to FYAD. Today's FYAD = old /b/ many of 4chan's OldFags are current and popular posters in FYAD. The preceding sentences were sponsored by the FYAD Marketing Association, for all your information needs!.
In reality most oldfags have moved on with life or an heroed thus abandoning the internet to fester and mutate like a gigantic tumour. It is said that if you listen really closely at night to the humming of your computer, you can hear the tormented souls of thousands of oldfags screaming: Milhouse is not a meme!1!!
Although they might know a little more about memes than your average newfag, Gaiafags are considered far worse by many. Coming from one of the biggest concentrations of stupid on the interwebs, Gaiafags seem to ruin everything in /b/ that they touch like a King Midas of FAIL. They ruin memes by yelling them out loud in IRL and giggle about it with their friends at school in a massive orgy of faggotry. Worse still is that they claim to be "true" /b/ tards, even though they are easily identified by their teenage stupidity. Infamous example of this: Trey Burba.
See also: GameFAGs
Namefags are just newfags who post their names and fail because they seek attention and recognition on an anonymous image board because their parents don't show them any. Often gain a superiority complex because of the name/tripcode, believing themselves to be above the lowly Anonymii. Of course, they don't realize the point of 4chan is to be anonymous. It is not known if they are trying to make themselves look like retards, or are just retards.
See also: Irony
Every summer, when school's out, /b/ gets invaded by 12-year-old boys who should be out playing on their tricycles or getting molested by the pedo with the ice cream van. Instead, they spam up /b/ with a form of faggotry that outgays the usual shitposting from newfags. This is the only time you'll see oldfags and newfags united in RAGE. Just ignore them. They never know what's going on and think that /b/ is for everybody. Even the newfags are hardly a threat compared to these raging assclowns.
Girls and guys alike who post Internet Disease ridden pictures of themselves asking stupid questions like "am I hot?" or "I don't think im pretty..." and other facepalm-inducing cries for attention. Once banned by mods, and dealt with the simple TITS OR GTFO rule, camwhores are getting more common in /b/ due to lonely newfags giving them attention and bumping the thread in their desperate attempts to get E-Laid. Newfags that repost Camwhores should be saged on sight for massive faggotry. Either that, or the mods can start using their banhammers on these fuckers, but go figure the odds on that. (For the record, they're one in nine thousand, due to moot being a fag.)
Imagine camwhores, only these particular ones are so fucking ugly that they post MSPaint pics of themselves instead of mugshots. These threads are full of even more fail, and are just slight variations of the original pic with them droning on over non-existent problems. Gaiafags are responsible for keeping these threads popular.
What once began as a genuinely lulzy trolling of a major global organization over their futile attempt to censor the internet and remove a video of Tom Cruise has since bloated into one of the biggest sources of embarrassments to come out of the internet in some time. Basically, at some point between the initial pestering of Scientology orgs from behind computers and dancing around in public to Rick Astley music while wearing Guy Fawkes masks and holding up Longcat signs, Chanology turned pretty gay. People can and will continue to argue over the exact point it turned to shit, but one thing can be agreed upon: Chanology should just be put out of its misery before it can cause any more damage.
Chanology was arguably the event that caused Anonymous to become semi-mainstream, which led to such other disasters as Anon's merger with, and to a certain extent assimilation by, the primarily offline Occupy movement. As a result of Chanology and whyweprotest.net, a very large number of people started calling themselves Anonymous, when they often had no idea about /b/ or virtually any other element of the pre-existing culture.
Here are some examples of the remnants of the fail:
Once upon a time, memes became memes because they were either a hilarious pairing of an image and text, a catchphrase, an image with hilarious copypasta, or anything else that had some inherent comedic value. Now more than ever, faggots are just trying to post nonsensical bullshit over and over again in an attempt to be responsible for the next big thing for either attention or to claim E-Fame, taking no concern for the fact that they're ruining the board in the process.
The theory of "forced" memes as 4chan knows it are perpetuated by butthurt oldfags who don't like that fact that people aren't posting the same, tired memes that they love ad nauseum, so clearly, what they are not posting must be shit, as of course, oldfags were at 4chan before it was cool. An actual forced meme is if one is forcing a meme when memes can only occur naturally; lern2social science.
According to some, at Otakon's 2007 4chan panel, when asked by a random nigra if an /i/ board would be added, moot responded that they are for faggots who deserve nothing less than Raptor Jesus to shit on them, and that it is the cancer that is killing /b/. He was absolutely right, because these internet tough guys are dragging people in with their fight-club mentality. While most invasions are utter shit that bring in hordes of newfags, it is important to note that a well-planned, well-executed raid (with adherence to rules 1&2) can bring much-needed lulz to our dying utopia. It doesn't need /i/ in order to do this though, because /i/ is full of retards. It needs people that aren't retarded; basically, it has to be done somewhere other than a chan. Things on /i/ can go one of two ways: Way #1:
Newfag #1: HAY GUISE LOL WUT CHARGIN LAZOR LOLZ SHOOP DA WHOOP THIS KID TOOK MY LUNCH MONEY CALL HIM AND SAY BAD THINGS HERES HIS NUMBER LOLZ 696 696 6969 BUT BECAREFUL HE DOSNT AFRAID OF ANYTHING
/i/ fag: OMG GTFO MY /i/ NOT UR PERSONAL ARMY OMG JESUS CHRIST NEWFAG
Newfag #2: DUDE GUYS. I JUST GOT THE GREATEST IDEA. HOW ABOUT IF WE...READY FOR THIS? HOW ABOUT WE RAID GAIA?! PRETTY CLEVAR AND ORIGINAL, AMIRITE?!
/i/fag: GTFO MY /i/
No successful invasions have been pulled off by /i/ in a long fucking time (even failing at Habbo). They just sorta drag in newfags.
For cataloging the sacred memes of the chans, thus allowing anybody to come along and learn about chan culture without lurking. Often exaggerated in its effects by rabid newfags looking for a scapegoat, though. Also frequently accused of promoting awareness of /b/, as if they weren't the ones to cause it. According to the gentlemen of /r9k/, ED presents /b/'s inside jokes out of context, thus sending new people to /b/ with all the wrong thoughts in their heads. Nevermind the fact that chantards are the ones who come here and create the articles in the first place. For instance, who do you think writes all the bullshit on this page?
Although moot lied to Time Magazine about spammers not bothering on 4chan, any time you go in /b/, every thread will be spammed by the bot for Anontalk.com and various other places, often multiple times. Even when /b/ is so laggy that no one can post, the Anontalk spambot is still spamming away. The 4chan mods are also part of the cancer for ignoring all reports about this. It is estimated that 50% of /b/'s posts are Anontalk spam. /b/ rejoiced when mighty recaptcha arrived to rid it of all spam once and for all. No one knows why it is still in place though, since anontalk is obviously dead.
Some argue that newer boards like /soc/, /x/ and /pol/ have diverted traffic and robbed /b/ of its much-needed variety, leaving only a cancerous cycle of endlessly repeating YLYL and trap threads. Then again, nobody likes camwhores and /pol/tards.
- Open this image.
- Save it as 4chan.js
- Open the file you saved.
- Shit bricks.
A truly malignant tumor.
Here is a list of other things have been thought to be the cancer that is killing /b/:
- Cut vs. Uncut troll wars
- Rate my needle dick threads
- Gay porn dumps
- Underage boy cawk
- "I just realized I'm gay, how do I hook up with my best friend?"
- Checking In posts
- DICK BUTT
- Rickroll variations
- EVERYDAY I'M HUSTLIN
- Everyone Get In Here
- post ending in (x) gets to name my (x)
- Prove me Wrong
- Roll Call
- Captcha memes
- Amerifag vs. Eurofag troll wars
- Christfags vs. Atheistfags troll wars
- Come chat with (x)!
- Rate me threads
- Newfags Can't (x)
- You Laugh, You Lose
- Diminishing Returns
- Hook-up threads
- this is my /b/ face
- Baww im a fat-fuck loser how get girfriend?
- FUCKING CAMWHORE COPYPASTA
- Triforce Faggitory
- Any thread moot makes
- Hawlp wiht my maths plz. I will dump pronz.
- My Little Pony
- Pls gief money to my paypal, I'm so poor.
How to spot
- "Only newfags say the word newfag"
- "Only newfags triforce"
- Newfags often misspell established *chan lexicon; the most common instances of this are spelling "weeaboo" as "weaboo" or "weabo" or spelling "doxed" "doxxed".
Copypasta Cure for the cancer that is killing /b/
Here's a piece of delicious copypasta that surfaced on /b/ in order to help prevent the cancer from spreading. However, use of this pasta only results in proving that you are a fucking faggot. Coincidentally, copypasta of any kind only adds to the cancer, so posting the following will result in a rift between your own balls to appear and consume your pathetic excuse of a penis.
This is a message to all newfags and cancer currently killing /b/: What the fuck do you think this is, some place where you can just waltz in unannounced and be received with arms wide open? WELL FUCK THAT! This is motherfucking /b/, bitch. WE call the shots. WE ALWAYS get shotgun. WE don't give a fuck who you are, because WE are infinitely more important than you. WE are always first in line. WE rob banks, charities, and ANYONE else who fucking pisses us off. This place is more than just a place, faggot, it is an IDEOLOGY. And this ideology says you need to GET THE FUCK OUT. No one here will ever like you. WE have already established cliques, slop-worthy-hoes, and prop-worthy-bros, GOT IT? WE are the ideology of elitism, exploitation, and lulz. This isn't a fucking game, kid, so don't try to tag along. You're talking to people who have been around the block AND THEN SOME. WE pioneered class. WE made 'cool' cool. And you? What have you done? Jerked off in the shower? WE INVENTED JERKING OFF IN THE SHOWER, you stupid bitch. There is a clear-cut, defined, infinitely thick WALL between you and us. WE built the wall that keeps you fags OUT. So don't try to act like you know what the fuck is going on, because you don't. You just do NOT. But you really think you can compete with /b/? LOL WOW Don't make me start flaming you. Are you forgetting who we are? WE are the ones who film people like you getting fucking destroyed by us. WE will rip your ASSHOLE out of your fucking rectum, STITCH IT on top of your pitiful dick hole, and then fuck you in the VAGINA we just made for you. SO WE MAKE YOU INTO A BITCH. Do you get it now? This site isn't a game, it isn't a place to 'chill' with your fags, and it isn't some fucking haven where people like you can get acceptance from people like US. IT ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN. JUST GTFO.
Here's some more copypasta that describes the issue at length:
4chan (4channel) is an image bard based on, and inspired by, 2channel (2chan.net) which is a Japanese image board. It is the largest English speaking image board of its type. It is a website designed for adults only. The culture of 4chan is a deeply complicated one. It is Japanese themed and inspired. The boards were originally organized by letter, a b c and so on. /b/ was and remains the "random" board, which is by far the most visited board on the site, receiving as it does over 100,000 posts a day. However, it is nothing remotely like or related to Gaia. It really is an adult web site. The long running joke that has developed over the past 3 or so years is that everybody on the website, (well, on /b/ anyway) whilst ADULTS, and reasonably intelligent ones at that, engage in moronic activities verging on the utterly stupid. The joke being that everyone acts like the same retarded individual. WHILST KNOWING THAT THEY ARE NOT. The joke is in the delivery.
The humor was fairly unique, and ridiculously complex and almost impossible to follow as a newbie. The problem that has blighted 4chan in recent years (and which really started to kick in about 2 or so years ago) is that newcomers to the site, usually heading to /b/ to see what the fuss is all about, see the retardedness of people acting like 14-year-olds, and then start thinking that indeed, the website is a place for 14 years olds to hang out and be retarded. This in turn lead to masses of underage users flooding the site. Recent media attention makes this problem increase. Eventually, so many 14-year-olds end up browsing the site that the original adult userbase has been overshadowed by the masses of underage people who have now turned the joke inside out, and the site has now literally become a place for 14-year-olds to be retarded.
There are several problems with this. The first is that all the old populace of 4chan start whining about this very fact. The second is that the quality of posting completely degrades. The old rules were that you would have to lurk for ages before posting. And you actually would, because the in-jokes were so obscure and closely knit that lurking was the only way you had of knowing what the hell was going on. People now don't bother, and so many new users means that the original point of the board (an extension of a something awful sub forum celebrating a retarded sense of humor crossed with a love for Japanese animation) has been wiped clean.
This is a direct result of the board achieving widespread popularity and new users from sites like this. So now, rather than massive photoshop contests (similar to Photoshop Friday on SomethingAwful) or well written stories, either humorous, or completely obscene, written by adults, the board is flooded with people posting pictures of themselves, reposting old, long dead memes (memetics; the idea of something catching on to the popular masses, think the stupid "whasssup" Budweiser adverts...idiots shouting it at their friends and so on) that are no longer funny, people taking the idea of anonymous/legion seriously (protip: it's a joke) people reposting threads such as "you raff you ruse" without sometimes even knowing what that means, and generally forgetting that 4chan is an IMAGEBOARD and that posts should be all about interesting/freaky/funny/downright disturbing photo's, drawings and photoshops.
Somehow this really touched moot's heart and moot got rid of forced Anonymous, thinking it would make everything better. Of course, this did not happen, and /b/ still sucks.
In the end though 'The cancer that is killing /b/' is just another way for oldfags to exert themselves above others with a false sense of superiority. As if being part of /b/ longer makes you any more or less of a dickhead than anyone else. When your only form of social interaction is an image board, it's not surprising that you might create your own ridiculous and irrelevant social hierarchy in order to boost your own sense of self-importance, and then claim that others are ruining it to further solidify your non-existent status. Usually this is how people come to terms with the fact that once they're rotting in the ground, no one will give a shit about them, or even care that they lived.
- The Chemo That Is Curing /b/
- Trolls Trolling Trolls
- Newfags can't X
- Eternal September
- White Knight
- You sir, are and idiot :)
- m00t's GamerGate Sellout
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