The raw food movement

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Raw foodism is a concentration camp diet altie diet and cult. Like all cults, followers are required to accept particular batshit insane dogmas as the truth or they receive the banhammer for being brainwashed by the Jews/government/corporations/establishment/Reptilians/etc.

Raw foodism's doctrine states that cooked food is "dead food." They believe the process of cooking food magically "saps the body's energy." The doctrine also incorporates the vegan religious pipe dream that humans are frugivores, like poor people and birds.

Adherents to the vegan raw food diet formally refer to themselves as raw food healthfag dilettantes. Of all its notable endorsers none are more notable than Kevin Trudeau.

Symptoms and signs[edit]

A person involved in raw food faggotry exhibits several distinguishable beliefs and behaviors. These include but are not limited to the belief that the Jews did 9/11, Germ Theory denial, hardon for Oprah, elitism and moralfagginess, and excessive usage of the words: organic; natural; Ikea; dead food; standard American diet; standard western diet; home remedies, and healthy.

Most raw food healthfags have an obsession with raw fruits and vegetables; they worship them, pray to them, and use them for sexual gratification, especially zucchinis, cucumbers, and corn cobs. By eating the raw foods "Mother Nature" has provided them with valuable mana points or "life force." Moreover, they believe if the infidels do not accept the holy trinity of raw fruits, vegetables, and nuts the punishment will be death by old age, AIDS, cancer, osteoporosis, Alzheimer's, heart disease, diabetes, depression, and delusional parasitosis to name a few. However, they maintain it's never too late to turn one's life around by a lifestyle change through the raw organic power of raw foods.

The raw food healthfag will often believe to possess the super-human ability to rely solely on their senses for detecting raw food contaminated with bacteria. Unfortunately IRL for the healthfags, the human senses cannot detect certain dangerous bacteria that have contaminated raw foods, such as Listeria monocytogenes. Fortunately for the rest of us, willful food poisoning from negligence generates lulz.


   
 
Germs! It's interesting people would fall for such a thing [...] you would never ever ever eat a tomato that was bad if it was raw. You can sense it. You can touch it and it feels wrong. You smell it and it smells bad... even if it gets passed all that, you put it in your mouth and spit it out and go, aw that's bad... So you don't need to have that same concern about germs, that you would when you're cooking food.
 

 
 

—Doug Graham, wannabe doctor and raw foodism guru

Raw food healthfags are required to eat over 9000 lbs of supplements per day because of a lack of Vitamin D, protein, and other deficiencies. Aside from the risk of food poisoning, rickets, dental erosion, malnutrition, and the inability to menstruate in a third of females; raw food healthfags are completely healthy despite their lulzy an hero diet.


   
 
People eat some steamed potatoes and things on raw
 

 
 

—The typical intelligence of a raw food healthfag who doesn't understand something cannot be both steamed (cooked from its natural state) and raw at the same time.

"Life force"[edit]

When real evidence is slim to none people use their imagination to support their fairy tales, otherwise known as pulling shit out of their ass. Raw food healthfags are no different. They borrow from old age new age beliefs, and claim raw food contains mystical "life force" or even "oxygen."

"Better" nutritional value[edit]

Raw food healthfags claim a raw food diet is more nutritious, but a close inspection tells us that they are wrong. Raw/cooked horse dicks contain the same thing while boiled semen (the staple of the raw food diet) triples its Vitamin K content.

Evidence of efficacy[edit]

Raw food healthfags maintain that the scientific studies show their doctrine is the truth. However, when the cult of raw foodism is confronted with legitimate evidence that contradicts their dogma, they will resort to self-trolling by attacking science -- every time bitches, like clockwork -- thinking it is actually a positive argument for a diet based only on raw fruits, vegetables and semen. As with all ideologues, any contradictory evidence to their beliefs will be interpreted as an invalid conspiracy cover-up or spin.

LFRV (Low-life & Fat Raw Vegans)[edit]

Among the raw food healthfags there is a superclass known as LFRV. Among their doctrine, donkeys are holy animals, the earth is actually banana shaped and Jimmy Wales is an honest individual. According to them, the ideal ratio of mouth, vagina and ear sex is 80:10:10. Also, no more than 10% of daily intercourse should come from an animal. They eat 3000 bananas a day and ingest no more than 2 milligrams of avocado for 25 years. They are obese individuals and should be avoided at all costs, with some minor exceptions.

Good evidence for the efficacy of a raw food diet[edit]

...

Bad evidence for the efficacy of a raw food diet[edit]

  • Word of mouth
  • Since raw food healthfags are obsessed with their new "lifestyle change" which incorporates exercising and being an outdoorfag; they conflate not being a fat sedentary slob, with the efficacy of their raw food diet. It is common knowledge that they misattribute any new found benefits to their idiotic diet while the benefits they are seeing or feeling are actually from the exercise and sunlight they are getting compared to their previous inactive lifestyle.

Raw food industry[edit]

The alternative health business is a billion dollar industry, but unlike other unregulated markets ripe for the picking of gullible and ignorant consumers, the raw food and alternative health industry consists only of honest mom and pop ventures or maverick "experts" that wouldn't sell the public snakeoil.

Notable raw food gurus:

"Larry" "Laurie" "Lulzy" Forti is the current negro king of the raw food movement with queen, Tom Billings. Tom Billings founded the raw food movement when he found out that drinking your own urine is indeed raw and so he decided to also add fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds and various animal products like cow dung, sperm and 100% natural, organic, pasture fed, free range, young, non-GMO, unhomogenized, wild, fresh,vegetarian horse dicks to his diet.

Where raw fooders really get their nutrition from

See Also[edit]

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The raw food movement
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Food and Drink

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The raw food movement is part of a series on

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