Thomas Watt Hamilton
|Thomas Watt Hamilton|
|Highscore||Killed 17, injured 15|
Thomas "Watt" Hamilton was a 43-year-old pedofuck from Scotland who became Britain's luminary High Score winner following his lash-out at Dunblane Primary School on the morning of March 13, 1996, in which he ultimately pwned 17 dumb shits (16 children, 1 teacher) in just under 5 minutes time. Thomas' heroic acts propagated Martin Bryant to orchestrate the Port Arthur Massacre in Ausfailia 6 weeks later, and possibly the Sandy Hook shootings, based on the similarities between each event.
Thomas Hamilton was born on 10th May, 1952. His parents divorced in 1955, leaving Thomas in his mother's custody. Nearing his 4th birthday, his name was legally changed to "Thomas Watt Hamilton". Little Tommy grew up in the belief that his mother was his older sister, and was said to be exceedingly close to her throughout his youth.
Little is known about Mr. Hamilton's youth, suggesting that no-one, not even his relatives genuinely give a shit.
Scout Service/Boys Clubs (1973 - 1993)
It was around the time Mr. Hamilton graduated from college when he started to leak his pedophilic tendencies into the children of the general public. He would satisfy himself through the foundation of various "Boys Clubs", which he would operate entirely on his own. A number of complaints were made about his leadership, and on at least two occasions he had forced boys to keep him company in his pedovan overnight, his excuse being "he wanted to keep the children warm from the cold weather outside". His official Scout's membership was revoked after parents raised concern over him photographing boys exercising in tight, undersized swimsuits without permission. Regardless, Hamilton would never admit defeat, and would strive towards bonding with the boys that he loved very dearly. Hamilton was known to have formed at least 15 Boys Clubs in his lifetime, with each Club lacking participants and falling to shit. His anger flourished whenever his sexual advancements were protested by lawful douchebags. Hamilton resorted to stock-piling on ammunition and shooting gunz at the range, he came to the realization that he was destined to win the Golden iPod.
—Mr. G. S. Crawford, Secretary of the Stirling Rifle and Pistol Club.
Dungoof'd @ Dunblane
On the 13th of March, Wednesday morning, ol' Hammy got fed up with his failed attempts at trying to have fun with little boys and insisted that if he couldn't get the cock, he'd smash 'em like a rock. Thomas had his last cup of tea and crumpets before driving to the school in his Pedovan to wreck shit. Prior to entering the school building, Thomas severed the cables to the telegraph pole using a set of pliers in an attempt to prolong the arrival of law enforcement, however, this telegraph pole only served nearby houses rather than the school. Thomas marched into the school gymnasium, where 28 1st-Graders were doing physical education with 3 staff members. Just before some bitch named Eileen Harrild attempted to confront him, Thomas went full Touhou on everybody, roasting 17 ppl and stinging another 15. The kiddy-killer also tried to score bonus points firing shots into a mobile classroom teaching a bunch of 7th-Graders, but failed miserably, only hitting items and other equipment. Thomas then re-entered the gym, feasting his eyes upon the bloodbath he had created. He desperately wanted to caress the small corpses strewn across the floor, but the cops were about to kick his ass, so he pulled a Budd Dwyer and successfully became An Hero, not to mention that he won the Golden iPod! (UK edition).
Dunblane vs. Sandy Hook
- Both perpetrators arrived on school grounds at approximately 9:30 AM.
- Both killing sprees lasted less than 5 minutes.
- Most of the people slayed were 1st-Graders.
- Deadliest primary/elementary school massacres in British/American history.
- Both perpetrators shared an interest in pedophilia.
|Accuracy:||11/20 17 killed, 15 injured.|
|Style:||15/20 Sk00l Sh00ting|
|Butthurt:||20/20 UK's version of Columbine!|
|Bonus:||20/20 Exceptionally fast-paced! Gets the job done quick.|
|Total score: 88/100 (B)|
- Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre - another school shooting in a primary school
- Patrick Purdy - perpetrator of another primary school shooting 7 years earlier
- Columbine - Twice the perpetrators, three years later, four less kills, same butthurt effect
- Port Arthur Massacre - 6 weeks after Dunblane, and double the kill count.
- Michael Ryan - Formerly possessed the Golden iPod in the UK.
- Mamoru Takuma - Attacked a primary school in Japan 5 years later, but with only managed to get half the kill count.
- School shooting
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