| ALL HAIL
BASED NAZI GOOK FRENCHIE JEW
Tila Tequila (real name Thien Thanh Thi "Me luv u long time" Nguyen) is a flat faced hooker from Singapore who somehow made it to the mainstream media. She is a professional new media whore whose failure at everything doesn't seem to discourage her from whoring herself to the masses, most notably with her reality television show on MTV. The show, Re-Enforcing Negative Bisexual Stereotypes With Tila Tequila!!!!!!, is really nothing more than reincorporating sister station VH1's I Love New York, which is way, way, wayyyyyyyyy more lulzy, but still a complete failure and a step backward in human evolution. Howevar, it should be noted that we are all guilty of downloading softcore lesbian porn of the alien before she got on television. Oh, Tila. Tsk.
- 1 Bio
- 2 Actual examples of comments from Tila's MySpace
- 3 Her show
- 4 That's Amore
- 5 A Double Shot at Love
- 6 Twatter
- 7 How to pwn Tila
- 8 Tila Tequila on Jugaylo Eye For The Straight Girl
- 9 What the fuck
- 10 Her Alter-Ego, "Jane"
- 11 Tila sex tape
- 12 Tila's Tin Foil Hat Adventures
- 13 Gallery
- 14 See Also
- 15 External links
In her youth, Tila was often in trouble with the law and went to prison a lot. In there, she got a carapace covered in tattoos, making her look like a defcon 1 skank, rather than a minor skank. After that, she got breast implants and became famous through a career in porn -- both of which she now tries, and fails, to hide from everyone. Her natural breasts are A-cup, due to her being azn. After that, she changed her name from the unpronounceable Nguyễn to the trashy Tequila.
Like Jeffree Star, Tila began her new media whore life on MySpace by starving herself to a stick figure body type and proclaiming her bisexuality, except to her parents, who didn't know until she signed a deal with MTV to do a bisexual dating show...prime example of parents who know jack shit about their slutty daughter's life.
Using MySpace, and MySpace founder Tom Anderson's fetish for Asian women, she became a Top-Rated MySpace whore, sucking cock and licking carpet as one of 2006's top whores. Then she tried to turn her internet celebrity into a "real" celebrity career. She failed miserably in every attempt, including becoming a pop star. (Sorry, Vietnamese Daffy Duck!) If you haven't heard her, you aren't missing out. We promise.
In November 2009, the world of Tila's male fan base came crashing down. They finally resorted to becoming an heroes when she announced she prefers hole over pole and therefore wasn't bisexual anymore but sticking to pussy. In December 2009, she announced she was engaged to another deranged cumdumpster named Casey Johnson
who (was) heiress to the Johnson and Johnson's fortune (she was cut from the family financially because she was a crack whore). A month later, Casey was found dead. The coroner's office announced she was pwned by Diabeetus because she forgot to pack her insulin with her. Skeptics believe that's bullshit and that a combination of constant cocaine use and booze, plus her Type 1 Diabetes, are to blame. Excessive exposure to the contaminated abattoir that is Tila's va-jay jay is clearly what did Casey in. She not only left behind a fortune crippling debt, but an adopted daughter as well. Tila since has been trying to obtain legal custody of her former scissor pal's adopted daughter from Casey's family, who took her because she was an unfit mother who couldn't keep her mouth off coke-laced cancer sticks, dicks, and tits. Needless to say, our hearts go out to the little girl should Tila win custody.
As of 2015, Tila conned a random southern white guy who she claims is an "alleged" serial killer who forced himself on her and made her eat ketchup and cobweb sandwiches. Tila managed to escape with her and her rape baby's life and moved back to Texas. She posted tons of pictures of her breast feeding when really she was just using it as an excuse to flash her tits. Former porn star Gina Rodriguez, the same agent that dumped her, took her back after she found out Tila got knocked up. She spends her time trying to pretend that her life is about her daughter and not about her twitter withdrawal. From the looks of it, she left her baby in Texas and is now back in California and filming a reality show that so far involves her "friends" Justin of @justincredible_shotz and Joey "Yakboyfresh" Pieper. Only time will tell if this will be a sequel to the misstilaOMG.com "staff" fiasco. If Justin & Joey are smart they would just work with Tila and not be "homies" with her.
Actual examples of comments from Tila's MySpace
WARNING: Authentic comments culled from Tila Tequila's profile and photographs follow. Encyclopædia Dramatica will not be held responsible for any self-inflicted bodily harm resulting from the reading of these comments.
- sean: what happened 2 ur thong on ur pics
- BnS Productions: what up wit ya!! DjSouthrock up in here !!!
- ~da bus has retired~: hey tila. just wanted to stop to say hey. i always like ur pictures. u look so hot in them. damn i really wish i can meet u. i wish i can talk to u2. want my .? well i want urs. lol wut is it? damn. ur cute. i like that. lol hit me baq.
- RUSSO♥: WANNA FUCK?
- "Greggles for 500 Please": fuck me please
- Ranma Saotome: I will most definitly buy that issue. You are by far the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just wish I could come to LA to see your shows.
- Walk from ICE AGE ENT.: DAMM IT YOUR SO FUCKEN BOMB!!!!!!!!!!
- she dont ♥ meeh??: jus take evry ting off and join mee on mai ride and plus can i have pics
- black person: baby i can handle all of it an du u so hard dat u wood wanna come back.
- steven: i'll fuk da shit out of u sexii ass baby iiite baby 1...
- i swear im white and mexican: dayum baby girl... is those duble ds or what do u want me to lick them becuase i will
- loser: YOUR SO SEXY
Tila Tequila had a provocative dating show A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, where, after putting contestants through grueling trials (such as eating cock) she found many people who'd be her ideal lovers. From them she picked out her perfect soulmate, the best true love for her. At the end, she dumped 'roid-loving Dani for cunt-faced crybaby Bobby.
She says: “Bobby had broken up with me a few days before all of this went down. I wasn’t expecting it at all because I thought I had finally found someone that I was compatible with, but I guess I was wrong. My hectic schedule was really hard on him and we both were getting frustrated, but at the same time . . . I just wanted to find someone who would understand what a crazy lifestyle I have so it’s too bad that things didn’t work out between us. With that said I just want to make it known that I still think Bobby is a great guy and I wish him the best.”
He says: “She never called me after the last show and no one would give me her number.”(Reason being is
she is part of a inferior alien race that doesn't know how to use human technology, except Windows 98 Computers her entire (very slow)planet uses to run their planet.) that she is a slut.
In order to show that she really is bisexual, Tila picked a girl this time around. The "winner", smart and sophisticated Kristy PWNED Tila when she rejected her ass, claiming that she was confused about her sexuality. What Kristy really meant is "I ain't leavin' da dick for no alien-faced fake-ass beaner".
MTV and Nguyen are already setting up season 3, watch out
oblivious morons with no self-respect Tila fans! You may have a shot at love!
During downtime between seasons 1 and 2, a fugly Italian guy in a thong got his own show called That's Amore where people dumped off their skank ex-girlfriends for a shot at love. Competitions included sucking and blowing with your parents (srsly), cleaning the floor with your cooter, and pretending to be a virgin. Lesbians from Tila's show came to hit on the fugly sluts and in the end his girl of choice, Megan, dumped his faggy ass.
A Double Shot at Love
After two seasons of Tila fail, MTV invited the Icky twins for their shot at love. Rikki and Vikki are two bisexual whores who got their start spreading herpes and having sex for cash. Only one Icky found love with a guy who was only in it for a disgusting 3some with 2 fugly girls who wish they were as cool as Tila (which is saying something).
—Updated six minutes ago.
In the late hours of April 12, 2009, an enterprising /b/tard managed to hack into Tila's Twitter account and cause all sorts of mayhem. First it was reported that somebody had broken into the home and had killed Tila. Next, it was posted that the murderer had found Tila's computer while it was still logged into her Twitter account. The "murderer" then proceeded to use the account to post all sorts of funny bullshit that the kids at 4chan ate right up. Finally, somebody lowered the boom on anonymous' fun and the Twitter account was locked down. Tila then began to sob to anyone who would listen to her crazy antics about how she is being stalked and how she is going to move to some new house. Too bad the dingbat probably won't change her passwords.
—What a fucking attention whore.
Later, during the early morning of April 13th, it was discovered that several /b/tards were not following Rules 1 and 2, thus Tila's management was alerted to the potential lollercaust that was headed her way. All of her social networking sites were shut down and locked up tighter than a virgin's pussy. At this point, some /b/tards discovered those who were responsible for the faggotry and decided to turn their internet hate machine towards the rule breakers. Several Twiter and MySpace addresses were tossed around:
—A good summary of the situation
Tila managed to become banned from ever having a verified account on Twitter due to the hours upon hours she spent harassing people and being sleezy with underage fans. She opened up two twitter accounts: @BabyMamaTila (she's pretending it's a "fan account" now) and @HeilHiTila, neither of which are or will ever be verified.
Who is Trolling Whom?
—Anonymous, being wise
At some point during the festivities, somebody realized that Tila, while not being bright on her own, surrounds herself with net-savvy individuals and has a public relations team who's effectiveness rivals O.J. Simpson's. Could this have all been a troll on 4chan's /b/tards in an attempt to garner page views for the world's self proclaimed "Queen of MySpace?" Anon doesn't care, the teaming masses will just surge forward like the ocean of piss they proudly proclaim to be.
—Look at me! Don't look at me!
Declaration of becoming An Hero
How to pwn Tila
During one of her numerous whore-outs on YouTube, she attempted to get views by showing everyone she was a fetal alcohol syndrome baby by pretending to be drunk on camera. This got her pwnd by anyone with a fucking brain by one staring at the video to death, the video was immediately taken down, and will likely happen if any other video of hers is one stared enough.
Good news she's pregnant!!! Ready your coat hangers and knitting needles!
Quotes from an article about the best concert Tila has ever given:
They threw shit and piss at her, of which frankly, she's woefully unworthy. Unfortunately the Jugaylo's were unable to finish their mission of brutally gangraping and killing her. Hopefully next time they can complete the mission.
Tila had already been paid for the gig and did not have to go on. She had announced on her "gossip blog" that she was going to be at the Gathering, and people had said in the comments they weren't happy about it, to put it mildly. She went on anyway, and has alternated her version of the story as "I'm a gangster and the baddest bitch on the block!" as the reason she went on and crying about it to anyone that will listen. The only way Tila can get any attention from even D-list tabloid press is by pulling stupid cunt stunts like this.
What the fuck
In Dec 09, Tequila got engaged to Casey Johnson, a socialite who did fuck all. Pretty much after a few weeks(2?) she died, nobody was surprised. Death > Marrying Tila Tequila
In 20th of Dec, 09. Tila Tequila decides to have a surrogate pregnancy for her brother. Aka, an excuse to have an incestuous sessh.
Her Alter-Ego, "Jane"
A short time after her beloved
fiancée sham girlfriend Casey Johnson was found dead, Tila leveraged the opportunity to get into the spotlight. When TMZ showed up at Tila's house to ask her questions about Casey, she used it as a soapbox to tout her new album and to declare that she isn't actually an attention whore.
One night, after Tila and Jane's views had been slipping and viewers were starting to get bored of her chickenshit, puerile antics, Jane tried to "kill" Tila after destroying her apartment, by cutting up her arm with a piece of glass. When Tila "woke up" in the morning to find her place a mess and her arm bleeding she went straight to UStream to document it.
A concerned viewer quickly called the authorities and Tila was taken to the hospital for a ‘psychological rescue'.
Tila sex tape
In a pathetic cry for attention, Tila decided to release a sex tape. The funniest thing about it, other than the fact that her vulva looks like the predator with its mask off, is that there are already countless professional porn videos of Tila on the interwebs. All in all, the video consists of 3 azn bitches including Tila eating each other out and giving each other the knuckle shuffle; essentially it's pretty boring and tl;dw. Be careful downloading this sex tape since sex with an embryo videos might be considered CP in your country.
Given that the first wasn't enough, she decided to make another one, this time with a dude with a decent dick fucking her in the ass (therefore making it superior to her previous one). It can be found here. EDiots have included a gallery so you can see what is in store.
Tila's Tin Foil Hat Adventures
In 2012, Tila let the
crazy magic take hold, and started ranting about aliens and The Illuminati. She has several blogs that are well worth reading, if you give a shit about a former reality show "star."
So the question that is on some people's minds is if Tila Tequila is insane or has an idea what she is talking about? Luckily, an investigative reporter has sought out the truth for your entertainment pleasure. For those who have made fun of this star, how does it feel to be inferior to a (somewhat untalented) celebrity who had a show where she'd date individuals of both genders for the grand prize of being able to date Miss Tequila, and today rants about how much of a wizard she is on facebook. I bet your jimmies are rustled at this revelation of how pathetic you are.
- TILA TEQUILA-CALL ME (860) 256-8452 on MySpace
- Tila's Hot Spot
- talent you say? *laughing cough*
-  Lesbian Sex tape here. Identity confirmed.
- Tila Tequila: Backdoored and Squirting
- Tila's new website/blog
- Tila's Instagram
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