Tim Kretschmer

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Tim Kretschmer
Born: July 26, 1991
Nationality: German  Germany
High score Killed 15, injured 9
Top 50? Template:Highscorelist
Style FPS, Single Player
An Hero? Yes


Kretschmer-300.jpg
He was an hero

Tim Kretschmer (November 6, 1991 – March 11, 2009) was a 17-year-old graduate of the Albertville-Realschule in Winnenden, Germany who committed a mass murder of fifteen people (eleven were women) and wounded nine others, including two policemen, all for the good old lulz. His shooting rampage has been dubbed as the Winnenden School Shooting. Kretschmer committed suicide after being cornered and wounded by police officers.

The press helpfully pointed out that Kretschmer was playing a lot of Counter-Strike, and we all know what that does to people. He also was an avid Bulletball player and had planned on becoming a professional player. Kretschmer was a loner and had no friends, he lived in his basement wanking over Anime. Pretty much like you, except he really was an exceptional shooter. However at least we expect that you'd have the courtesy to write an article on ED before you did it so we'd have the exclusive. BTW, little Tim was rejected by the actual Nazi army, because he was too wacky for the Wehrmacht.

Premonition

   
 
I would probably think about screwing things up. Killing everyone I hate, I bet a lot of people would do this. I just mean, you become famous and stay in the memory of other people. See murderers like Ted Bundy.

I bet this would be a lot of fun. For the relatives of the victims it woulnd’t be much fun.
 


 
 

—JawsPredator1 in a forum's thread which asked what the users would do with 1 week left of time to live.

Krautchan trolling win

The German police and world media were successfully trolled by someone on Krautchan pretending to be Kretschmer who apparently posted hours before the shooting.

Successful troll is successful

Translation: Damn it Anonymous, this is getting to me. I'm fed up with this shitty life. Always the same - Everybody laughs at me, nobody recognizes my potential. I'm serious Anonymous. I have weapons here and tomorrow morning I'll go to my former school and have a great time barbecuing. Maybe I will even get away. Keep your ears open Anons. You will hear from me tomorrow. Just remember the name of the location: Winnenden. And now, don't report this to the police, don't be scared, I'm just trolling XD


German Innenminister (Secretary For State Security) Rech spreading the krautchan hoax at a press conference

Rech later admitted that the post was a hoax, saying "Some crazy person apparently decided to pass around this awful fake message."

Somebody else crafted this masterpiece and put it on 4chan:

4chans lame attempts

But was less successful.

JawsPredator1

Error creating thumbnail: File missing
His Steam profile
Error creating thumbnail: File missing
He played Counter-Strike. BAN IT!

He allegedly traveled the internets as JawsPredator1 and had an account at the German video portal video.gmx.net, on which he was flamed posthumously until the host decided to delete his account - see the hate in google cache

Some tough guys however decided to use his profile page to announce their evil plans:

AndreasMarcus1992 14.03.2009, 11:43 Uhr
Du hast das richtige getan Tim!! Aber cih werde dich überbieten und alle verfickten Menschen von meiner Schule abknallen -.- Und da im moment eh 100 von solchen drohungen kommen wird die polizei kaum ernst nehmen wenn noch eine drohung kommt... ich danke dir für die aktion.. aber mein lauf wird mit abstand der beste den die welt gesehen hat!

Translation:

AndreasMarcus1992 14.03.2009, 11:43 Uhr
You did the right thing, Tim!! But I will outperform you and kill all fucking people at my school -.- And since hundreds of these threats are coming anyways, the police will hardly take another one seriously... I thank you for your action.. but my run will be the best the world has ever seen!

the drama continues...

An Heroes Comparison: Kretschmer vs. McLendon

The day before Kretschmer enacted IRL Counter-Strike, Alabaman Michael McLendon went on a slightly less impressive spree in which he murdered eleven people (including himself) in a fit of Darwinian justice. While these two incidents are similar, their respective merits necessitate comparison for the sake of determining who obtained more points.

Kretschmer:

  • Killed five more individuals; wounded nine others (whether or not any of his victims were Turks - who aren't really people and are therefore worth fewer points - is not widely known)
  • Got Bonus for shooting eleven girls.
  • Was a crack shot, regardless of Germany's far more restrictive gun laws
  • Shot two cops after taking a bullet in each leg
  • Functioned as a fully serviceable killing machine despite numerous handicaps (teenager, whiner, German)

McLendon:

Whichever of these two garnered more points depends entirely on criteria implemented in calculating scores, but this much is certain: neither did it for the lulz or topped Cho's high score.

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill Count:
Accuracy:
Style:
Butthurt:
Bonus:
15/20
13/20
18/20
18/20
17/20
(Injured 9)
Those video games paid off!
 
Provided the world with much-needed lulz
Total Score: 81/100 (B-)
I did it for the lulz.
See full ranking


Wanted Level
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Vice Squad


Tim getting a footbullet

WASTED

Trolling from beyond the grave

Kretschmer has verified his position as an true hero by causing a huge debate over a possible ban of violent video games. On the 5th of June, the Secretaries For State Security of all 16 Länder proposed a ban on all "... games in which murder, torture or other inhumane acts of violence against humans or human-like beings are an important gameplay element..." - i.e. any game ever made except for Furcadia. Gamers all around Germany were outraged, proving that Kretschmer was not only an hero but is also an undead troll, continuing his work even after his death. Resistance is not expected, as it is unlikely that the German gaming community will stop masturbating, get up off their chairs and fight the good fight.

Vidyas


Sk00l Raider

The Game

Marc Lepine's Son

Ban assault video games!

Old Media chimps out

moar

moar

Oh shit sorry dad!


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Tim Kretschmer is part of a series on Psychopaths
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3g1h-phone3.jpg Spree/One-time Killers:

Aaron AlexisAbdul Razak Ali ArtanAdam LanzaAlex HribalAli David SonbolyAnders Behring BreivikBaruch GoldsteinBruce Jeffrey PardoCasey AnthonyCho Seung-HuiChris Harper-Mercer Daniel PetricDmitry VinogradovDylann Storm RoofElliot RodgerAmanda KnoxGeorge SodiniGerry McCannJared Lee LoughnerJason RodriguezJeff WeiseJiverly VoongJoe StackJosef FritzlKimveer GillKip KinkelLindsay Kantha SouvannarathLogan ClarkMalik Nadal HasanMarc LepineMark EssexMartin BryantMatthew MurrayMatthew de GroodMatti SaariMaurice ClemmonsMichael CarnealMichael RyanMichael WoodmanseeMutsuo ToiPekka-Eric AuvinenRaoul MoatRobert BalesRobert HawkinsRobert SteinhäuserSebastian BosseSteve StephensTJ LaneTim KretschmerTyler PetersonTheodore "The Unabomber" KaczynskiVester Lee "Bryce Williams" Flanagan IIWade Michael PageZac Penton

Career/Serial Killers:

Charles MansonChris BenoitHitlerMao ZedongJack the RipperJames HolmesRichard "The Iceman" KuklinskiTed BundyJeffrey Dahmer

Terrorists:

Al-QaedaDzhokar TsarnaevOmar MateenSanta ClausTamerlan TsarnaevOsama Bin LadenEric Harris and Dylan Klebold Sam Hyde

See also:

Antisocial personality disorderCannibal HolocaustParanoid personality disorderSick fuckMurderJewsPolice Brutality

Tim Kretschmer is part of a series on Columbine
[All jocks stand up!NBK]
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Columbine:

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Admirers

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Locations:

ColoradoUnited StatesSchoolSuburbs

Related:

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