Timothy McVeigh

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Seriously, McVeigh really was a true American Patriot against gun control. However despite the impressive damage and seductive display of power that he brought to a clusterfuck of federal agents and their children, Timothy still somehow died a hapless virgin. Seriously. Truly unfair.

Timothy McVeigh, alias The Wanderer (moar like Timothy McYAY!, amirite?), was a pissed off American Ex-Soldier responsible for the deadliest act of terrorism in the US prior to the 9/11 attacks. He didn't commit suicide after the American people were treated to the display of his well thought out redneck fuckery, possibly because he was too busy enjoying the response he found after doing it. He was instead captured and taken into federal custody and executed, causing the American public to ban fertilizer and cry for only a few months before going back to their bland and generic daily lives.

Another important fact is that he also quickly recognized his talents in explosives, rather than firearms, and claimed a much larger bounty for Satan by showing future terrorists how it should really be done. Thus proving that even delusional patriotic conservative white trash can be as dangerous as a garden variety towelhead given a life of unemployment, social rejection, and ultimately, sexual frustration.


Relevance[edit]

What makes Tim unique is that he was somehow able to carry his rage into his adult years and intelligently decided to go apeshit in the real world rather than the insular worlds that most younger High Scores contestants usually live in. He currently holds the 4th highest score for "Bomberman" campaign mode and to this day, he's still a fine example of what happens when you patiently decide to let your rage build up to be released later in life, years or decades after you've graduated from school entirely. Learn from him as a brilliant example to go for much higher scores.

Though the world is eagerly waiting to move forward, Timothy McVeigh's legacy is kept alive by countless amateur manifestos written by people looking for attention. Because of this, don't expect to see his name die anytime soon.

The scandalous nature of his attack led to much controversy afterward with many people citing him in their whitepapers and details about his attack, parallels to his political beliefs, and all around tossing his name around to get people to notice their own shitty attacks so that they could ride on the still fleshy anal fistula that was and still is, to this day, the butthurt caused by Tiny Tim.

Theodore Kaczynski on McVeigh[edit]

   
 
On a personal level I like McVeigh and I imagine that most people would like him. He was easily the most outgoing of all the inmates on our range of cells and had excellent social skills. He was considerate of others and knew how to deal with people effectively. He communicated somehow even with the inmates on the range of cells above ours, and, because he talked with more people, he always knew more about what was going on than anyone else on our range.
 

 
 

— He's actually a pretty cool guy

Aldous Huxley's IRL "John Savage" Theodore Kaczynski and Timothy McVeigh met briefly in 1999, and letters piled in to Kaczynski from radical college students and journalists to ask him what the eligible bachelor was really like. Kaczynski responded in his typical manner of talking more about himself and his wildlife euphoria than of the person who everyone really cared about, and after sifting through Kaczynski's TL;DR about why prison has ruined his own superhuman mountain man spidey sense, one can see in this letter that McVeigh was actually revealed to be a pretty easy person to get along with.

Early Life[edit]

He was allegedly bullied in school. He became a tryhard hick despite technically being a Northerner, and he spent his youth raging at the government like most 15 year olds do. Over time, he developed an unhealthy obsession with guns. He later cited that in his teenage years, he repeatedly failed to get laid, which made him more upset than even his delusions against America's government.


Professional Training[edit]

Timothy McVeigh enlisted in the US Army after doing poorly in college. He decided to wave goodbye to his family and then traveled down to Fort Benning, Georgia to finally find a political climate that suited him. He performed well in basic training and was known to be highly knowledgeable in all things firearm, though he couldn't get over his shit-poor aim and couldn't do anything more than just brandish weapons that he was terrible at using. It was already clear that he wouldn't be able to skillfully use firearms to do anything useful, so the eager Timothy McVeigh began to fascinate himself in making explosives.

Yet despite his apparent acceptance of a known Islamic tactic, Timothy McVeigh contrarily became an active member of the local White Power movement, which innocently began as a small movement to control and keep the Army's league of highly trained fighter chimps in their place, given the recent integration of them into society and updated status as subhuman instead of primate, and the rights that the filthy apes were now demanding.

Though the movement was mainly charitable and benign in conception, it was later shut down by superiors on his base for not being part of the liberal agenda that purported the belief that all races are the same, a philosophy that was unacceptable to McVeigh's rural education. Timothy McVeigh was then reprimanded for this and that undoubtedly lead to even more seething anger against the government unjustly telling him what to do.

He won a few achievements that hardly anyone would honestly give a shit about: decorating himself for killing sand-niggers overseas, such as accidentally decapitating a sand-nigger with a heavy weapon, then executing a line of camelfuckers with an M9. His achievements led him to desire further outlets in the military, but a psychological profile deemed him too unstable to join the Special Forces. Facing another failure, McVeigh claimed to have ordered a bottle of champagne and later drank to leaving the military on New Year's Eve. Also relevant, Timmy was believed to have still been a virgin.


Post Army[edit]

Poverty[edit]

After leaving the subsidized tit of US taxpayer money, he then realized that he had to find work. This was problematic to Tim because it meant he had to ACTUALLY take responsibility for his abysmal life: something he calmly avoided by putting the blame on others. A couple of Army officers remembered him from the service and decided to pull a joke on the trailer trash, so after looking him up, they sent him a bill saying that he owed them $1,058.00 in cash to the US Army, payment due by the end of the month.


   
 
Go ahead, take everything I own; take my dignity. Feel good as you grow fat and rich at my expense; sucking my tax dollars and property.
 

 
 

LOL

This was the final straw for the twenty-something year old Timothy and he decided to campaign across the country voicing his hatred at the government. But had he simply just quit being as much of a backwoods gun-toting asshole and actually catered to the opposite gender by learning the social skills toward women he so neglected in high school, he could have easily gotten laid, which would have finally put the fucker at peace. It was that fucking simple. He later admitted while in custody that the one thing that irritated him more than the USA's increasingly threatening government was his unsatisfied sex drive.

After quitting the NRA because the rational-minded members there actually wanted him to STFU about his pointless shit and desire to cause a civil war against America, he accused them of supporting gun control and further decided to parade around the country constantly yelling at people at gun shows and events to take his mind off of the truth, then beginning to hit up Home Depot, Lowes, other hardware stores to make cheap explosives.


PHYS 101 -- How do I make Bomb?[edit]

Rent a rental truck and fill it with fertilizer. Do it fgt.

McVeigh's favorite formula seemed to be copper/brass pipes with Ammonium Nitrate pellets from freezer packs or fertilizer, doused with motor oil to get ANFO, with the pipe surrounded by Copperhead BB's. At the very least, he was bright enough to realize that black powder is a fucking shit choice to use for home made explosives because it can actually lodge itself in the pipe threading and deflagrate an explosive train back into the pipe before you can even use it on its intended target, and that black/galvanized steel with a low explosive doesn't fragment as well as a high explosive in a less stiffened brass pipe due to the Young's moduli of brass being much smaller than that of steel, leading to sharper fragments and a more complete rupture. The addition of copperheads with the brass pipe's outer coating as shrapnel leads to some nice material homogeneity since copperheads and copper pipes are relatively similar, which prevents static buildup between the pipe, charge, and shrapnel and all-around creates a safer pipe bomb. (For those of you who want to try this at home).


Showing the Middle East how it's Done[edit]

The Bombing[edit]

Mcvtimeline4.png

It's believed that after getting more bomb training from "Cockless" Terry Nichols, who himself was actually a pretty cool guy with a wife and family and who also shared Timmy's learned love for inferior mud-races, the two hicks quickly grinded McVeigh's skillset in Bomb Making to it's upper limit using a Nitrogen based fertilizer in their shared EXP Farm. Within a few months McVeigh had obtained the godlike OP needed to devastate the jimmies of the American public in a single attack.

Maturely taking the death of thousands of people seriously, McVeigh drew his blueprints on the back of a napkin. Lulz.
Your average bomber

The two purchased unhuman amounts of AN fertilizer, which, surprisingly didn't set off a red flag to the authorities because it was generally believed that an American citizen wouldn't do dastardly deeds with such a fun supply of lulzfuel; and the fact that they were both hicks just led the authorities to think they were just farming with it. They packed a crude bomb within the back of a rental truck, remembering to Duct Tape the slapper detonator properly so that it didn't fuck up at compile-time, avoiding a mistake that Reb and Vodka would later make while making their shitty propane bombs. Leaving their trailer park behind, the two men set their sights on a federally funded building, packed to the brim with hundreds of evil children who supported our increasingly threatening government. Timmy initiated the slapper and lulz ensued.

More than 300 buildings were damaged. More than 12,000 volunteers and rescue workers took part in the rescue, recovery and support operations following the bombing. McVeigh covered up the guilt of his buddy, Nichols, and tried to initially take credit for the entire thing himself. Investigators had doubts though, as a man as unstable as McVeigh couldn't have orchestrated something like this without having some assistance.


   
 
To these people in Oklahoma who have lost a loved one, I'm sorry but it happens every day. You're not the first mother to lose a kid, or the first grandparent to lose a grandson or a granddaughter. It happens every day, somewhere in the world. I'm not going to go into that courtroom, curl into a fetal ball and cry just because the victims want me to do that.
 

 
 

— Timothy McVeigh, exhibiting Troll's Remorse

When he was finally caught, it was because they noticed a bulge in his clothing, which was revealed to be an illegally owned firearm. Ultimately it was Tim's mouth foaming obsession with guns that put him away, coupled with the fact that he left his license plate on the rental truck he used to commit the bombing, so he had to drive back plateless much to the suspicion of the local law enforcement.

Some argue that his reason for using bombs was that he chose to inflict the most possible damage that he could on anything related to the government. Others argue that he was a fucking patriot who knew that if he used guns to do this, the liberals would just go after those and after all nobody could honestly give a shit about bans on fertilizer unless they were a fucking Saudi, Paki, Habib, or a farmer.

But as stated above though, the main reason why he chose to use bombs was really just his goddamn terrible aim, which can be seen in his epileptic drawn map of the building. He knew what worked for him and successfully yielded massive butthurt in the act of doing so, the incident of which would later be referenced by copycat killers looking for attention and lulz.

Graded Score[edit]

Graded score
Kill count: 168/20 (680+ injured)
Accuracy: 16/20 Could have potentially pwned over 840 civilians, but only succeeded in killing 20% of them
Style: 18/20 Single-player Bomberman
Butthurt: 20/20 Worst terrorist incident in America prior to 9/11
Bonus: 19/20 Pissed off the nation for a further 6 years afterwards
Total score: 241/100 (S)
Timothy McYAY!
See full ranking

Wanted Level:
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Gallery[edit]

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To sum up[edit]

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