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—Sydney Morning Herald on Computer Wizardry
So your out-of-touch and fundie Government spend $74 million on a free tool for regular families to ensure their children do not download naughty things like pornography. Thats an expensive piece of software. It needs to be broken. So you break it. Naturally, one would be content with this. However Tom Wood decided that the media needed to be told. And the Internet needed to be told. Here is a story of extreme hubris without nemesis (yet).
NetAlert was the precursor to the proposed Great Firewall of Australia, designed to supersede the role of parents and turn Australia into an infantile nanny state, where good, hardworking Australian battlers could continue to fear God and technology and purchase unneeded consumer items at their fancy. Some argue that the content filter was just another piece of election pork-barreling, designed to fill the public's want for Bread and Circuses. Nevertheless, the ultimate purpose of the software is to keep delicious prons out of the hands of the undeserving.
Naturally, it would only be a matter of time until a flimsy piece of software designed for clueless end-users would be cracked, the only question was how soon and who could actually be bothered. Full of righteous fury and armed with a keyboard, 16 year old student, Tom Wood using advanced computer hacking knowledge cracked the software in under 30 minutes, and the upgraded version (dubbed DogCurtains) in 40 minutes, laying ruin to hard earned tax dollars.
How to Hack NetAlert
- Kill optproxy and OptGui in processes
- Edit the logfile to remove traces of tampering
—Sydney Morning Herald on USI
Naturally, the ability to "hack" government software attracted a lot of attention from old media outlets, who clamored aboard the Tom Wood gravy train and even let him give them a reach around. The newspapers knew that such coverage would both enrage conservative Australia and cause lulz for the younger generation who are hardwired to the tubes. Unfortunately, this coverage allowed all around cunt and Christian fundamentalist from the Family First Party, Steve Fielding to set the train in motion for an all powerful firewall to prevent us from accessing lulz across the tubes.
—Senator Fielding on ruining it for the rest of us.
Tom Wood is now writing shitty tl;dr essays on his blog, boring the population senseless. The media became bored with him after more pressing issues came up, such as causing fear and panic in the population over climate change, the Global Financial Crisis, a black man becoming President, and a communist become Prime Minister. As he attended a Melbourne Private school, it is likely his future will involve buying a Bachelor of Business and taking over his father's company, marrying a hot wife that cheats on him constantly, having 2.5 children and swimming in debt due to mortages.
The Wood Verdict
The Wood Verdict was a blog created by Tom Wood as a means of increasing his e-peen and fulfilling his destiny as somebody with a severe case of USI. The blog attempts to e-philosophise about issues such as cyber-bullying, and net neutrality, but fails in these cases, considering he is still a fucking high school student with no education at all in these matters. The blog itself has not been updated in more than a year, as Tommy has figured out that nobody gives a shit anymore and the kind folks of A Current Affair will no longer answer his phone calls.
—Tom Wood on not knowing what he's talking about
Tom Wood even coined the term Cyberia, as in; "Cyberia is a metaphysical world which exists through the use technological mediums such as the internet, computers and mobiles." He continues to repeat the phrase and ramble on about metaphysical constructs and other shit 16 year old boys harp about when they first read Descartes' Second Meditations or Plato's Cave. His blogs usually take the form of tl;dr essays which utilise circular arguments, little or no referencing and direct emotive questioning to push ridiculous and poorly thought out premises.
- Name: Tom Wood
- Location: Melbourne, Australia
- Email: email@example.com
- Blog: http://thewoodverdict.blogspot.com