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Transformers

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Autobot symbol.png
Decepticon logo.png

Teh best Transformers movie evar.

Optimus Obama.

Transformers is a fantasy in which giant, transforming robots travel across the universe destroying planets and wiping out unknown numbers of inteligent societies to fight a civil war and finally come to Earth to criticize humans for their violent nature (and according to certain fangirls, take time out to suck each other's USB cables). They have also become victims of bad fan fiction, Mary Sue,slash and Michael Bay over the past 25 years. This epic struggle has been recreated in multiple cartoon series, a comic book (or a thousand), at least half a dozen video games, a trilogy of action-packed movies, an ornate series of tapestries, two books-on-tape, a Gay Robot Convention, and an erotica collection. Anyone going to a Transformers forum or any other form of media will experience the biggest collection of 40-year-old males and 15-year-old girls outside of a Chris Hansen pedo sting.


   
 
Watch your aim, guys! We don't want to blow away any history!
 

 
 

—Hound, while running backwards.

Characters

Autobots

Transformers Autobots.jpg
Name Description
Optimus Prime Leader of the Autobots and one of the key characters. Fangirls insist on writing fanfiction that has Megatron ræping him at least 100 times. It's pretty ironic that he stands for justice and equality, considering some of his fans. For gay ass fucktards like Chris Chan Optimus serves as an idol that defines their masculinity despite their desire to have a vagina. Had to get pwned by Megatron in the 80's movie because Hasbro had a whole bunch more of toys it wanted to sell. Choosing to not follow the comic that had Transformers changing vehicle types with the same ease that your GF dumped you and found someone new, for instance, Megatron went from being a gun to a tank. Hasbro decided it would be best to kill off everyone's favorite transformer which led them to rethink their decision and bring him back after getting thousands of death threats written in crayon from angry 6 year olds.
Jazz Token black robot. Was pretty much the coolest Autobot because he was voiced by Scatman Carothers in the 80's and could pwn people using music, but that didn't matter since he was pretty.
Bumblebee Virtually always the child relation character, except in Prime, where he wasn't really anything. In G1, he transformed into a Volkswagen Beetle that could somehow maneuver and reach high speeds like a racecar.
Prowl May or may not be the Autobot second-in-command, depending on who you ask. Some will say Jazz while others say Prowl. Main job was to help Optimus figure out new and interesting ways to troll the Decepticons.
Wheeljack The engineer/inventor for the Autobots. Makes things explode. Fans will say he's based on mad scientist Tesla. He had more than a dozen babies with his gay lover Ratchet.
Skyfire/Jetfire A former Decepticon and friend of Starscream. After realizing what D-bags both were he made the decision to become an Autobot. In the cartoon he was pretty much only called on when the Autobots needed a ride somewhere until they got Omega Supreme. After which, he quickly disappeared.

Jetfire is the one Transformer that can make anime fans cry themselves to sleep because his original toy was a Robotech Fighter Jet and because of this he got a redesign and name change. So Skyfire who was advertised as the Macros toy became Jetfire after a redesign because companies wanting to push Robotech toys in America got all Butthurt that the Transformers had the rights to the dies for one of their toys. It was agreed that Skyfire would be redesigned and renamed to avoid confusion between the Transformers and Robotech. Still, the Transformers artists loved to troll Robotech by having Jetfire have a intermittent mode like the G.E.R.W.A.L.K. or Gurdian mode in Robotech.

Blaster Autobot version of Soundwave; has cassette babies too but no one gives a shit. Hates Soundwave more than anything else since he raped Beachcomber, but gets paired with him anyway because no means yes.
Tracks Most fabulous of the Autobots and got his name because the writers thought it'd be fun to hint to some of their illegal habits, if you need more proof, isn't there an Autobot named Huffer? Some fangirls like to pretend he's straight, even though he turned down a woman in canon.
Cliff Jumper He was that Transformer voiced by Casey Kasem. Right there's the total that anyone cares about him because he's pretty much a fucktard that thinks he's tougher than he really is. Was written out of the show when Casey Kasem got all butthurt because the writers of both the Comic and Cartoons portrayed Arabs as Child Raping terrorists. So what was the problem?
Hound Hound was a jeep in the 80's cartoon and... that's it. He hasn't been anything else. In 2007, he got a new toy that came with Ravage. Why an Autobot jeep came with a Decepticon casette-cat, nobody knows. All of his most notable lines revealed that fact that he was retarded.
Windcharger Did nothing interesting, and even the creators of the Transformers knew it. His original profile basically read, "he has ADHD", except they had to outline the symptoms so as to fill space. The one notable thing he did was become an hero.
Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime Transforms into a van with flame decals and is the most hated Transformer evar, for pretty much no reason. Ironically, Hasbro executives truly believed he would become popular after they killed off Optimus Prime. Instead, millions of ten-year-old brats locked themselves in their bathrooms and threatened to commit hara-kiri/seppuku. Possibly the biggest source of drama in the entire fandom, but the reality is that he pwns pretty much everybody. In fact, one could say that he is in many ways a much superior leader than Optimus Prime ever could be for the one reason that he can be decisive, something that Optimus is incapable of but as the writers admit that they made Optimus a cross between Abraham Lincoln and Ronald Reagan as opposed to Rodimus being based on Generals like Patton or MacArthur, Rodimus is the better leader because Optimus is a politician as opposed to Rodimus being an actual military leader.
Ultra Magnus A pretty much useless character, considering he is second-in-command to Rodimus Prime. He hardly does anything useful yet being one of the most powerful autobots evar, and can't even handle the role of leader. All he does is fail at stopping the Decepticons and gets blown to pieces for his troubles as well. Also, he can never deal with anything at any moment, it seems.
Arcee First female Transformer evar. Her fans are pretty much the most easily trolled of all of them, as all you have to do is say that females were only introduced into the series to appease feminists, she spent all her time flirting with Hot Rod, and that since alien robots don't have gender, she's technically a man. In Spotlight Arcee it was revealed that she was a transexual, causing fangirls everywhere to shit bricks.
Elita-One Optimus Prime's sister. Stayed on Cybertron to keep an eye on her bitches while everybody else was doing man's work.
Hot Shot Pretty much the lead character in Armada. Nobody remembers him for anything past the jAaM jokes, even though the only people that laugh at those are asspies. Was openly gay for Wheeljack.
Blurr The galaxy's fastest transformer. He is so annoying that at some times his irritating nature even rivals that of Wheelie's. His main shtick is that he runs and talks really fast. That's his character. That's it.
Kup Kup is the token geezer of the franchise. He is always talking about his old war stories and never shuts up about them, to the point where sometimes the other characters act irritated at the fact of said not shutting up about his war stories.

Decepticons

Autobots and Decepticons teaching kids how to settle a dispute.
Name Description
Megatron The robot that turns into a Nazigun; also the main villain of the series. Brought war to a peaceful planet in every continuity, and generally fucked everyone. In the 2007 movie, he totally pwned the black robot, ripping him in half after being asked if he wanted a piece of him. He replied, "No, I want TWO!" This proves the nigga must die in every action movie. No exceptions. Megatron then proceeds to rip apart every black man to have ever walked on the set. The main reason why Megatron had to become Galvatron, much to the dismay of fans, was because Hasbro couldn't sell the gun version of Megatron in countries like Australia because they have stupid laws about teaching kids how to kill with toy guns. So they would be able to sell all their toys in these backwards countries, Megatron got a name change and became a fantasy fusion cannon which isn't anywhere near as bad as a toy gun.
Galvatron Unicron finds Megatron adrift in space, and decides to upgrade his firmware. This results in a Leonard Nimoy voice, new appearance, new name, new alt. mode, and an alignment change from Lawful Evil to Chaotic Evil. Galvatron is so much less of a pussy than Megatron that he can't even wait 5 fucking minutes after being born to kill the shit out of Starscream. His main characteristic is that he is utterly batshit insane, and gloriously so. To troll Galvatron fans tell them that he isn't the real Megatron. He's a copy of Megatron that the Constracons made. The real Megatron is just a head hidden somewhere that has only, recently, just woken up a la Transformers 4 or Transformers Animated.
Starscream Decepticon fighter jet and also their second in command, which was clearly a bad decision on Megatron's part as he spends his days trying to kill him. Fortunately however, he spends his nights making up for it. Popular among people that will usually end up majoring in business or political science because he shows that a person can achieve quite a bit and climb the ladder to high levels with no real skills by being an ass kissing sycophant. Remember kids, it's not what you know but who you are willing to stab in the back to blame your most recent fuck up on. In retrospect, Starscream also serves as a metaphor, allegory for the coke fueled dollar jockie, commodities trader from the 80's.
Soundwave Likes to say "Energon Cubes" like a real badass, and has the most chilling laugh you will ever hear. Shoots cassette babies out of his chest named Lazerbeak, Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, and Buzzsaw. [1] Troll Soundwave fans by reminding him that he's one of the most cold-hearted Decepticons and doesn't make exceptions from his traitorous ways for Mary-Sues or his cassettes. It's also fun to point out to Soundwave fans that in the comic that the cassettes are pretty much his slaves because, like Ratbat, they were larger robots that were assassinated and given smaller, much weaker cassette bodies that now found themselves dependant on Soundwave for protection and survival, ensuring their loyalty. Adds a whole new dimension to Blaster, doesn't it? A black robot with slaves.
Cyclonus Galvatron's prison bitch. Did pretty much nothing in Animated. Trolls like to piss off his G1 fans by calling him the Easter Bunny. At least he's not one of those G1 hydrofoils with the pedo beard
Shockwave Cyclops asshole who runs the space bridges and is secretly moist for Megatron, much to the eternal dismay of Starscream. One of his arms is either a gun or a giant dildo. Evidence suggests it is the latter. Surprisingly, the counterfeit, Radio Shack version of his toy is highly sought by collectors and can demand big bucks if in box and in mint condition because of its rarity. So blame only yourself if you were an asshole of a kid who smashed this version to punish your mom because she didn't buy you the real thing.

Other Characters

Transformers Sparkplug.jpg
Name Description
Spike Token human from G1. Every fan hates him because he got to turn into a Transformer and made out with Bumblebee.
Carly Token woman from G1. Marries Spike in the end, even though when they met he was 14 and working on an oil rig and she was graduating from college. I can buy Spike being into cougars but seriously, do child Labor Laws even exist in cartoons or is it because they're produced in 3rd world countries where the idea of a child having a dangerous job is a hard reality?
Sparkplug Holds the title for being the most different things, as he has been a human, a dog, and a Mini-con. Most remembered for his original role as Spike's father, except that nobody remembers him.
Alexis Token human female from Armada. Hated just as much as Spike, but because she got to make out with Starscream.
Unicron Giant planet that eats other planets. Looks like a huge pokeball and was voiced by Orson Welles when he was at the bitter end of his career. His action figure is far too big, fragile and expensive for mere children so buy them something else.


The G1 Autobots

The problem with the G1 Autobots is that they're more reminiscent with the elite of a deposed monarchy then they are with freedom fighters. They more resemble an ousted regime trying to take back their lost social positions than people that would invest a thought towards social issues like freedom because Mirage and Tracks are rich boys fighting for a reason no one can pin down. Wheeljack is the crazy engineer/nerd inventor that is always in his lab. Ratchet is a surgeon while Sideswipe and Sunstreaker are jock frat boys that think themselves better than everyone. On the other hand, the Decepticons are people who clawed their was to the top like Megatron. Bureaucrats like Starscream. Low ranking soldiers like Skywarp or simple cannon fodder like the cassettes. If this show were happening in real life, conspiracy theorists would say it was Autobot propaganda designed to make the Decipticons look bad so they can solicit help in reestablishing their Autobot regime. If the Autobots were all hugs and kisses, then why did they banish the Decepticons to planet Char to live on rations that have only ever been seen in Japanese prison camps during WW2 when they won back Cybertron after the 1980's movie?

Television and Movies

Kiss Players

Melmo in Japan

Kiss Players is a Japanese Transformers Manga and toy line wherein the Transformers fuse with human girls when they kiss. Optimus Prime enjoys having his human girl rub his shift stick; it makes him moan. Honestly, Japan? When a girl defuses with a Transformer, she is covered head to toe and dripping with Autobot.

Transformers Armada

Shit that retarded weeaboos obsess over in hopes that watching Japanese anime will somehow make them Japanese. However, none of them have actually seen the original version as it doesn't come subbed and none of them speak Japanese past the word "kawaii." A favorite among slash fans that actually know it exists, as every character in the entire show is gay.

Transformers Animated

She's a loli and gets tied up a lot. Now on to why she's popular

Transformers Animated is the latest Transformers cartoon to be forgotten by its legion of former fans, who all moved on to fap over Prime instead. With the use of shitty paper cutouts to depict characters, it proves Cartoon Network is too fucking Jew to hire Korean animators like all the other fascist media outlets. Features a ninja version of Prowl who became an hero in the series finale, causing fans the world over to follow his example. The worst thing to come out of this series has to be Sari Sumdac, a half nigger, half robot loli that makes pedophiles with certain types of hearing loss lose their minds because she is unfortunately voiced by their dog whistle voiced goddess, Tara Strong. Most hated by the fans because Optimus isn't voiced by the man, the myth, the legend Peter Cullen. Ha, take that Tara Strong. All those posts about voice actors like Peter Cullen or Patrick Warburton being inferior to you because they only have one voice. Look who's a legend and puts you to shame with only one voice and doesn't have to flash his tits or ass to get attention. Peter Cullen.

Transformers Prime

Why do I have to be a basement dweller's waifu?
Pull your dick out to fap to my pics one more time and I'll cut it off


Transformers Prime is the newest Transformers. Pretty much everything about the show sucks. They killed off Cliffjumper in the first episode, again in the second episode, and a third time in the third episode, and his wife watched it happen every single time and was then made to show the video tape of Cliffjumper's death to their children in the fourth and fifth episodes which were titled "A Very Special Transformers Prime". Has graphics that look unimpressive even next to the Transfomers Animated. Starscream has legs like Barbie and all the fanshits love him. The only time fanboys and girls admit to watching this incarnation of the Transformers is either because they are into the whole Starscream/Megatron rape thing or because Miko Nakidai is their waifu. Because of the deep and compelling writing of Transformers Prime, so many fans can relate, on a personal level with Miko. Or is it because she's an Azn with a shitload of rule 34? I forget. Miko is basicly the fat, autistic, basement dwelling American's wet dream of a Japper or any Azn for that matter but bonus points for her being Japanese because the before mentioned hold them in the highest regard, probably because they're the whitest looking of all the Azns. Miko runs around in either skimpy or ultra tight clothes because, like most Azns, she thinks they'll show off her failure of a chest and flat, pancake ass. She has no interest in school and only wants to find a white, American boyfriend with a big dick, or at least bigger than the average Jap male, that will be able to plow her ass 24/7 because, according to the Japanese, American men are sexual monsters that never tire and can keep the pumping going even right after they Squirt. On the other hand, Miko's mother wants her to be the cliche Japanese student that does good in school, speaks 3 languages, plays 3 instruments including the violin, so 4 in total, and is capable of building a computer with just a paper clip, a piece of lint and a battery, you know, like all Japanese people are capable of. She is probably the most popular girl in a Transformers series outside of the Kiss Players.

Transformers the Film

Not to be confused with Transformers the Movie, which was pretty much the most badass Transformers has ever and will ever be. Featured Shia LeBoof bitching about how he got a free Camaro because the radio's a little wonky and represents every Ebegger because he's always trying to get something for nothing, but nobody noticed his or any other human character because they were all too busy staring at Megan Fox's tits.

Transformers 2: Electric Boogaloo

Michael Bay <3 Decepticon Junk
the fantard fave, Alice the transforming Realdoll


Transformers ROTFL is the second Transformers action movie directed by Michael Bay, now with even more robots in blackface, über-dork Shia LeBeef, and robot testes, with the added bonus of a Decepticon robot named Alice that can transform from a Realdoll, that makes sammiches and only wants to fuck, into a walking castration machine with lasers. She was created to be the obligatory slut but some fans theorize that her character may be a metaphor or allegory to something. Naturally, this movie is a big hit with thirteen year-old nerds and their fathers.

   
 
There was no LULZ, only AIDS.
 

 
 

—a /b/tard after watching Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Transformers 3

This Micheal Bay fucker doesn't know when to stop. He's made yet another shitty movie but he promised it will be better then the last. It was, but better in the sense that you step in dog shit and before you can change your shoe you step in dog shit again. Maybe it's not as bad as the initial stain, but it's still just more shit. Called Dark Side of the Moon, this one stars the same whining nigger from before because the USofA decided that banhammering the 30-foot giant robots would stop the fighting of the 35-foot giant robots that previously tried to kill them. While laughing like whitey watching niggers fight over a bucket of KFC, the Decepticons gather a bunch of magic dildo's and use them to create a magic portal to bring their planet over to Earth to have a massive orgy. The Autobots arrive at the end to save the day, and Optimus rips Megatron's head and spine out of his body. It's essentially a fanfic with explosions. Butthurt ensued from the 13-year old boys since Megan Fox wasn't in this one, but they quickly got over it when they saw the blonde lesbian that replaced her.
Still popular with the Alt Right because of all the trolling it does against Obama pretty much saying that Corporate America has no respect for Obama and Obama can't Hook a Nigga up by getting Sam a good job for Obama and his admin wanting to hand Sam over to the Decepticons and sell out America in the second movie despite Obama calling in favors to get Malia a job with Harvey Weinstein . Alt Right fans of the movie think there might be a hidden message in these scenes.

Transformers 4: Age of Explosions and Exploitation

One is the worst Transformers film so far, this dog shit had grossed $1,091,405,097, despite many, many, MANY negative criticisms.

Fans were excited about the Dinobots being in the trailor and then disappointed when they had to sit for 3 hours of this shitfest to see the Dinobots for 5 minutes.

To make things worst, a sequel is planned to be released in 2017, with that Michael Bay fucker kicked out from directing, and a writer who wrote the 3rd and 4th Batgay movies was hired to provide the script. And even worse: the spin-offs of the movies are planned too. Even scarier: Michael Bay has expressed interest into doing live action versions of Robotech and Evangelion. The giant robot nightmare may never end.

One- and Three-Step-Changers

Hey, quick question. Remember when you were a kid, and you played with your amazing Transformers toys? remember how fun it was to ignore the instructions and just figure out how it worked on your own? Wasn't that fun? Well, it seems kids today are too impatient to spend, like, 30 seconds to transform their toys into badass robots. That's why Hasbro has invented Transformers toys that transform in 1-3 steps! on paper, it sounds like a fine idea, but in reality, IT REMOVES ONE OF THE VERY THINGS THAT MAKES TRANSFORMERS FUN. It's almost as bad as the Action Master Transformers toys, which took away the toys' ability to transform altogether! It really speaks volumes about not only the attention span of children today, but also how stupid toy designers think kids are. In a few years, maybe the damn toys will transform on their own! Just imagine the conversation you would be having with your child/grandchild about your toys you had as a kid:

You: "Well, back in my day, we had to transform our toys with our hands! usually it only took about 30 or so seconds to do it if you knew what you were doin'..."

Kid: "What? You mean you gotta use your hands? That's like a baby's toy! Mine transform with the help of my electro-telekinetic head strap! Yours sound about as fun as playing with a rock!"

You: "Eh, kids today, with their rassa-frassin' electrum-tellikeenatick toys..."

Drama Generation Techniques

01010000 01110010 01101111 01100010 01101100 01100101 01101101 00111111 00001101 00001010
  • FIRRIB is seriously the stupidest fucking thing to argue about out of the history of things to argue about.
  • The first Transformers TV show was not anime but actually a 22 minute commercial designed to sell toys. Try telling that to the Azns. For even more lulz tell the fanboys that the creators thought they'd be lucky to get 5 years out of it and never expected the Transformers to span generations like a good classic rock band.
  • Troll Transformers comic book nerds on the Allspark forum by claiming All Hail Megatron was the best series evar.
  • Question whether Unicron, could beat up the Death Star. And then claim the Death Star would win.
  • Say that Rodimus Prime was twice the leader that Optimus was.
  • Ask how Megatron can create the Constructicons and later be created by them in the original cartoon.
  • Ask Tramp Graphics how gay Transformers make babies and then counter it with the facts, watch as he bitches about how wrong you are.
  • Ask if female robots are canon, then accuse anyone who says no of wanting some black cock.
  • Ask anyone who calls female robots 'femmes', why the males are not called 'hommes'.
  • Call the movie a shitty two hour commercial for General Motors, Burger King, Mountain Dew, Apple, Nokia, the U.S. Airforce, and the HEX-BOX 666. Alternatively, praise the movie and talk about how much you idolize Michael Bay.
  • Point out anywhere that, since they were both created by Alpha Trion, Optimus Prime and Elita-One are siblings.
  • Criticize the TF Wiki, say the Wikia is better, or inform Jeysie that she does not, in fact, know everything.
  • Go into a slash community and say Prowl x Jazz wouldn't work. Back it up with canon for extra lulz.
  • Find any OC and inform the creator that she's a Mary-Sue, and list reasons why-- unless, of course, you're dealing with Toon Queen, in which case tell her that her mommy didn't love her. Offer genuine critique on either for bonus lulz.

Videos

Typical scene from Transformers.
Transformers satire
Funny Scenes
Funny clips
The MOTHERFUCKING Touch
Dare
The Transformers theme on steroids

Gallery of Transformations

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Specially Made Userboxes

Use one of these on your user page if you assign yourself as either faction!

Autobot symbol.png This user is an Autobot moralfag.
Decepticon logo.png This user is a Decepticon troll.

See Also

External Links

Links to all Transformers Cartoons in chronological order


:3

Transformers is part of a series on:
Comic Books

[ZAP POW BIFF!EXCELSIOR!]

Transformers
is part of animated shows, a series on
Television
Hypnotoadcartoonstemplate.gif

Not to be confused with Animu
Disney [-+]
Cartoon Network & Adult Swim [-+]
Nickelodeon [-+]
Fox & Warner Bros [-+]
Hasbro [-+]

Littlest Pet ShopMy Little PonyTransformers

Other Networks [-+]
Featured article May 10 & 11, 2013
Preceded by
Gun control
Transformers Succeeded by
Heath Campbell