Trying too hard
The internets can be a difficult place to fit in. And before they were invented, the real world was often a pretty difficult place to fit in, as well. Ever since the first cavemen invented faggotry and awkwardness, socially inept people have desperately tried to fit in with their siblings. This has always resulted in failure because they are trying Too. Fucking. Hard.
Why do people try so goddamn hard?
The various reasons for this usually revolve around wanting to be popular, be it to pick up girls, earn EPoints or simply make friends because you don't want to die alone, choking on ramen in front of your computer. Trying Too Hard is usually a result of the following process:
- Realizing you're a pathetic loser
- Realizing some people, on the other hand, are not
- Identifying their actions/behaviors that you believe explain their popularity
- Attempting to repeat said actions/behavior in the hope of instantly becoming popular yourself
This might look like a foolproof method, but it consistently results in much butthurt and/or making friends with other losers. People who Try Too Hard make Grade-A lolcows, with the added benefit that they'll just keep on trying and providing enough lulz to power New York City. Because they're so fucking desperate.
- Quoting internet memes during regular conversation. There's always that fucking idiot, who, in mid conversation, will say things like "PWNED!", "LEET!", etc. Don't be that fucking guy.
- Wearing T-shirts with witty slogans, in the hope that people will actually believe you're a funny person and appreciate you
- Playing guitar in the dorm, in the hope that people will actually believe you're an artist and love you
- Quoting movies or books whenever possible, in the hope that people will actually believe you're smart and admire you
- Acting cheerful, in the hope that people will actually want to hang out with you
- Acting sad, in the hope that people will actually believe you're mysterious
- Acting nice, in the hope that people will forget you have no personality, and maybe even cuddle
- Acting like an asshole, in the hope that people will forget you have no balls, and maybe even respect you
- Getting a Mudkip tattoo.
- Dress like a terrorist to gain attention
- Attending Anime conventions
- Talking very loudly about your hobbies or the latest book you read, hoping your conversation will be overheard and you'll make new friends
- Using and mentioning whatever expensive gadget you just bought, in such a way that others are forced to acknowledge that yes, you are a very trendy and "in" person
- Wearing your black person because it's what all the cool kids are doing.
- Doing witty impressions of fred
- Telling OTI jokes IRL and receiving a beating.
- Stalking school/work peers in the hope that they'll start to actually like you
- Copying others interests/hobbies and other things and hope they will like you
- Using any variations of Fail, ie: Phail, Phaile, FAYLE, FOIL
- Adding gajillions of "friends" to your account on social networking websites. Face it, nobody gives a fuck about your sad pathetic life when everyone already has one themselves.
- Using memes and/or netspeak at all because you want to appear "in" while being too lazy to acquire your internet license
- Cramming as many memes and "offensive" things as possible into a troll image.
- Writing an awesomely scathing article about you ex-best friend / girlfriend / boyfriend / school and dropping their dox.
- Contributing to ED by creating links to "at least 100", "over 9000" or "an hero" on EVERY FUCKING PAGE
- Uploading pics of your ex/that kid you don't like from your school/some random whore from Facebook to ED and then adding them to degrading articles as an attempt at revenge
- Replacing every exclamation mark you ever type with "!!!1"
- stating in your blog that you've gone through 10 journals in the past two years and stating, "thinking is a hobby of mine, you should try it sometime" just so people will be deceived into believing that you actually are thoughtful
- Quitting IRC forever
- Trying to jam your stupid ideas down Anonymous' throat
- Posting shitty pics on DeviantART so that people will like you (SPOILER ALERT: you'll die alone anyway)
- Asking for comments on said pictures every 2 seconds (SPOILER ALERT: Nobody cares)
- Saying "That's photoshopped!" every time you see a picture, so that people won't think you're gullible, even though not commenting at all would simply devoid the possibility of being gullible to begin with.
- Posting pics of your bleeding wrists instead of simply killing yourself.
- Attempting to troll people by getting involved in long-winded arguments that end up taking more of your time than theirs (SPOILER ALERT: you have trolled yourself, lol)
- Ignoring someone's message on instant messengers or IRC for 2 hours before responding in an attempt to appear busy, or indifferent in the hope that people will forget you're an attention whore who never gets out of the house.
- "Re-Liking" a statement on Facebook™ directed at certain individuals, because not only do you not have a vocabulary of your own, but you can "cleverly" say, "Oh, I just liked the statement, I didn't actually say it! OHHHH SO witty!
- Turning every online argument into a Linux vs. Microsoft debate
- Saying "btw that was sarcasm" every time you're being sarcastic
- Using Instagram
- Adding "Zors" to the end of internet acronyms, like LOLZORS, or FAILZORS.
- Posting videos about your shitty, boring life on YouTube
- Slitting your wrist, then posting it on the Internet for attention.
- Adding your own name to Encyclopedia Dramatica
You're a shallow and pathetic piece of shit, most people hate you and you should consider visiting warmer climates, such as hell. Any actual human beings who don't hate you are simply losers just like yourself, who are after your pity friendship in the exact same way you're after theirs. You probably have a face only a mother can love, and even she hates it. Enjoy your symbiotic fail.
Do you repent?
If you're one such loser and wish to change your ways, here are a few starters. Read very carefully.
- "No one cares about my pathetic existence." Repeat this to yourself every time you're about to interact with another person.
- "Hmmm, am I actually any good at this?" Ask yourself this question every time you're about to create content (music, writing, drawing, whatever). If you answered "no," you are correct. If you answered "yes," ask for confirmation from random strangers, because imaginary friends always say "yes."
- "Does it actually matter if this person doesn't like me?" Ask yourself this question every time you get laughed at for being such a goddamn retard. Consider whether it's worth trying to convince your tormentors that they are wrong, taking into account the fact that any such attempt will almost certainly result in getting laughed at even more.
- "Hasn't this joke been made like twenty billion times already?" Ask yourself this question every time you're about to make yet another of your clumsy attempts at humor, e.g. posting "I for one welcome a Beowulf cluster of our Soviet Russian overlords," or "That's a good car analogy, but does it run Linux and Duke Nukem Forever?" on Slashdot.
Gallery of Fail
Sound system for creating "phat" engine noise included.
DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS. It's supposed to look like a famous rally car.
Tartlet who cannot draw tries too hard with this shitty image.
No. No you are not.
Well at least he's trying!
Videos of Fail
- Writing yourself into an article
- Anthony 'A-Log' LoGatto
- David Tanny
- Attention Whore
- Asking for it
- Doopie DoOver/People
- 16-year-old girl
- YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG
- The Troll Hunter
- That Guy With The Glasses
- Trying Too Hard
- Colony Drop
- Bright Neon Nike Shirt
- Scene kids
|Trying too hard
is part of a series on
the cancer that is killing /b/
7 Proxies ♦ my /b/ face ♦ C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER ♦ Caturday Nap ♦ Checking In ♦ Combo ♦ Condom Snorting ♦ Drama Prairie Dog ♦ DSFARGEG ♦ Everyone Get In Here ♦ #fortune ♦ Flood Detected ♦ GET ♦ Godly Luck ♦ Hai Guy ♦ I Don't Roll That Way ♦ Naked banana ♦ Name my band ♦ Post ending in (x) gets to name my (x) ♦ Prove Me Wrong ♦ Roll Call ♦ The Game ♦ Trying Too Hard
Forced Memes [+]
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ♦ Apples Bear ♦ Ayy Lmao ♦ Balki ♦ Big Dog ♦ Deez Nuts ♦ Dental Plan ♦ Dick Butt ♦ Family Guy Funny Moments ♦ FUCK YEAH SEAKING ♦ HNNNNNNGGGGG ♦ I Took an Arrow in the Knee ♦ Isn't Dallas in California? ♦ Jack Spicer ♦ Lanky Kong ♦ Milhouse ♦ My Little Pony ♦ Nyoro~n ♦ Random Album Art ♦ Rita ♦ So cash ♦ Tape dick ♦ THE BEST ♦ Uncle Dolan ♦ Wew lad ♦ WHEN I WAS ♦ Woll Smoth ♦ X intensifies ♦ You Laugh, You Lose
|Trying too hard
is part of a series on
LERNIN 2 INTERNET
Aspierations • BLANKING IN PROGRESS • Charming Naïveté • Delete fucking everything • DOIN IT RONG • Edginess • Failing it • Internet tough guy • Kids on the internet • Legal action • Liberalism • Mental illness • Mod Sass • Skript kiddies • Sob Stories • Trolls • Unrealistic Expectations • Unwarranted Self-Importance • Waaaambulance
|Featured article November 21, 2009|
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