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tumblr (AKA dumblr) is 4chan's retarded 14-year-old sister/rape victim. It is a mainstream website that preaches the concept of needlessly minimizing the vowels in words, and it was created, perhaps, for blogging. While its original purpose has long since been forgotten, its present application is apparent: to provide a circlejerk space for every hipster, 16-year-old girl, and Indie artfag to post their favorite stolen photographs and pieces of mediocre art, "meaningful" subtitled stills or gif collages from pretentious popular films, as well as talking about how cool wolves are, all within a cesspool of self-congratulatory victim-hood. In short, tumblr consists of boring and vulnerable, boy crazy high school girls that wish they were someone else and the sensitive guys who ultimately win them over by posting desaturated Polaroids of their meticulously decorated bedrooms. Generally speaking, tumblr is the Internet's biggest hugbox. It doesn't matter what you post, as long as it's "progressive" some bleeding asshole will reblog it and jerk you off.
tumblr's population consists solely of only the coolest and most trendy kids in your nearest suburb or recently gentrified urban avenue, as well as talented 15-year-old photographers, poets and writers. If the Internet had property for its users to virtually dwell in, tumblr would be the gentrified neighborhood full of studio apartments, paid for by mom and dad. tumblr users probably want to go to art school to study painting, and likely will get in with enough hard work. But, alas, they are likely to drop out after discovering that reposting images on the Internet didn't magically give them talent.
tumblr is known for its high population of newfags who steal memes and claim them as their own and say that they "invented" them. What tumblr fags don't realize, is that all of these memes should have been forgotten last Thursday, and no one finds them funny, or even slightly humorous anymore. Most of the comics posted on tumblr contain all of these memes in every fucking panel because these so called "artists" can be bothered to draw the fucking faces themselves, but what the still don't realize is that using the punchline in every fucking panel kills the whole joke. They basically take something shitty, make it even shittier, and then share it with the world, and they all obsess over it like a bunch of fags.
- 1 Concept
- 2 History
- 3 The users
- 4 tumblr users and "socializing"
- 5 tumblr's content
- 6 tumblr & 4chan's /b/
- 7 Trolling tumblr
- 8 tumblr raids
- 9 tumblr hacked
- 10 November 14: DOOMSDAY
- 11 12/6/2010 AKA SLOWEST NEWS DAY EVER
- 12 Galleries
- 13 Quotes
- 14 Trolling tumblr
- 15 Yahoo buyout
- 16 See also
tumblr is based around effortlessly sharing everything, no matter how pointless, boring, or cliche it is. tumblr also doesn't take into account that the data you're postin] may belong to someone else, so its users are free to take and repost another person's work with ease, most often without citing any source or author without punishment. However, since the website is run by Jews, those little technicalities are panned over.
tumblr allows its users to follow other users, which places their posts on their dashboard. The more users and Followers that "like" and repost your bullshit posts, the higher your "tumblarity" will become. Having a large amount of followers will most often result in the user sticking their head up their ass and believing that they truly have mad skills. With tumblarity, tumblr essentially becomes the high school of the Internet; people with the highest Tumblarity are rewarded with their blogs being named the most popular. Thus, the blog becomes not so much about blogging at all, but about how much people "like" the "cool" stuff you post - a mere popularity contest. The original concept of blogging in general is more or less lost when users become disillusioned from the original purpose of their blogging, and become more concerned with the number of people who "like" the beige picture of someone's feet that they posted.
tumblr was created in 2007 by an obvious Jew named David Karp, initially funded by his earnings as a software consultant for a parenting website. After cajoling his userbase into throwing away their money into his wallet (AKA: fundraising), he had over $5 million dollars to help fund his website dedicated to hosting 200kb, low contrast pictures of anonymous people's belly buttons. To get an idea of the man Karp is, note that he gladly revoked the name of a random user and handed it over to Pitchfork media arguably for Indie cred.
His own tumblr, found here, hosts not only his massive popularity, but also randoms instances from his every day life, for all of his fans to read daily.
A few examples of the former would be the follow:
—typical tumblr user
The average tumblr user is a white, well liked, interesting person to hang out with and mentally ill loser who is obsessed with Social Justice and it makes them a pain to be around because they won't shut the fuck up about trivial shitIRL. Once they start Tumblogging they become selfish hipsters that constantly complain about having no friends, no supporting family members and no love life because they think this will get people to "support" them by giving them asspats and follows. Becoming the ultimate hipsters of the Internet, they reject anything they think as "mainstream" and "popular", because they're all exceptional individuals.
The usual thing you'll see from a tumblr user is the post "Ask Me Something via My ask Box". DON'T FALL FOR IT! Most users who say this have serious cases of USI and aren't aware that most sane people have better things to do than ask a random person a dumb question that will most likely be answered in the most unintelligent way. If you do ever fall for it, make sure they have 'anonymous' turned on so that you can tell them something offensive. They'll most likely respond with sarcasm or with "I'm too cool for this shit," which forces their followers to become white knights and flood them with "Don't listen to that anon! You're awesome and have my full permission to use me as your personal army!"
About 99.8% of the time, someone follows another person without liking a single one of their posts. They only do this in hopes of getting more followers themselves. Following the follower back only solidifies how much of a loser the followed one is (probably because they want to hold on to the idea that someone actually cares about the lame shit that they post). 0.1% of the time that someone follows another is because the follower thinks the followed is cute and wants to fap to the followed's GPOY's. the other 0.1% is actually someone who cares and they're usually a friend IRL or a family member.
tumblr users LOVE to fuck around with genders and sexuality, due to most of them being hormone filled teenagers. They have a manic obsession with gender identity that they use to describe their appreciation of gay porn as some kind of "activism". Their fetish for transgender and sexually confused people, originating from a deep insecurity and self conciousness that is their reason for frequenting tumblr in the first place, has created many lulzy moments for the interwebs over the last few years. For maximum trolling potential, tell them that gender is a biological factor determined by physical bodies and genitalia, and not how someone perceives themselves, that physically there's only 2 of them, and that they confuse the concept of gender with sexuality.
Some tumblr users view it as a great place to socialize with friends in groups. This is as good an idea as trying to date someone from 4chan's /b/.
tumblr users HATE when their own friends follow them, which is a peculiar thing. Mainly because all they ever do is rage and bitch about people they know IRL and outside of tumblr which might eventually destroy friendships or relationships and expose how horribly shallow and moronic most tumblr users really are. Despite this, people still think tumblr is still a great place to meet and socialize with friends on tumblr, and by "friends" we mean balding 20-something-year-old welfare leeches who are just looking for some ass under a largely-anonymous user name.
tumblr has a large population of Homestuck fantards. Typical Homestuck fantards are 16-year-old girls who pretend to be a lesbian, or bisexual to get followers, or some other unheard of sexual orientation. Another chunk of them draw My Little Pony porn for all their autistic brony followers, or make shitty RPs with their friends. They also tend to have SUP3R NUMB3R [email protected] SP311ING SKI11S or nonexistent spelling skills at all despite being straight A honor roll students. They're easy to troll and spot based on their Homestuck, anime, Pony, or "artistic" avatar. Best way to deal with them is to hate Homestuck, guaranteed lulz from the butthurt fantards. Warning: the majority of Homestuck fantards on Dumblr tend to suffer from Assburgers or GOTIS.
Retarded hipster-wannabe 16-year-old girls
A new breed of 16-year-old girls has surfaced, in an apparent attempt to protest and whore attention away from typical Snapchat 16-year-old girls who are obviously at least 100 times hotter. Th...is new breed is 40% indie(and trying to pretend they don't listen to Linkin Park and Paramore), 30% deformed, 20% idiot, and 10% unrealistic expectations wrapped together with the same desperate whoring that is the fiber of 16-year-old girls. Expect these girls to have a tumblr in which they spam pro-ana photography of girls they so desperately wish to be, post the most recent indie (overrated) tunes such as Radiohead, MGMT, Arcade Fire and Sigur Ros, and love weed because they're progressive and liberal. They also claim to love reading despite only reading Harry Potter and whore on about how HP is better than Twilight and Joseph Gorden Levitt is better than Robert Pattison. The majority of what comes out of the mouths include whining about getting a new job, looking for that special someone and telling people about what they ate today.
First, they'll tell you how much they love the pointless, pretentious, nonsensical, and edgy mind-fuck movie they just watched. They'll also bring up whatever shitty band was just on TV. Then they'll try to discuss philosophy without having ever studied philosophy but maybe just Wikipedia'd Sartre and found it too hard to finish and precede to bastardize Sartre by posting only quotes by him pertaining to love and dying alone. Maybe with some deep and edgy Nietschze quotes thrown in for good measure. Then they'll show you pictures of their scratched up Crosely vinyl record collection, full of shitty mainstream "indie" artists such as lana del rey or Halsey. Despite being exactly identical in personality, let alone their physical appearance, they believe themselves to be hot unique hipster shit. They also believe themselves omnipotent super chicks incapable of error and will argue with you if you disagree with them and respond with "This is my life who are yous to say what I can't or not can do leave me alone haters(:!!!".
Extremely vulnerable and stupid, pretending to be a geeky boy who plays in a band and likes the same shitty music is the easiest way to squeeze out nudes from these chicks. Be warned, at least 100% are average and deformed.
In a somewhat unsurprising new trend, many of these underage teenagers now see it "hip" and "cool" to be interested in SciFi films and TV shows. Something that only 5 years ago would get omegas bullied to death in high school. Despite knowing 0 knowledge about the back-story behind any of the works that they are reading, these 16-year-old girls will often pose as though they understand it deeply. They don't. Pretending to support this new trend is a 101 to dating 16-year-old girls over the Internet for omegas, even though in reality it increases your chances of getting laid in real life by exactly 0%
Herds of Asian have been swarming tumblr. Their blogs (typically titled with doublee letterss and an obnoxious phrase about themselves) consist of thought-inducing photoshopped pictures with unrelated quotes on them, angled webcam pictures of themselves and other ugly Asian tumblr users, and bawww posts about how much they hate their high expectations asian parents. Most of them are filled with azn pride, but everyone knows they're really a bunch of wannabe-black assfucks. Every now and then, they'll post about a recent break-up, complete with a photo/video of their fugly crying faces. Both male and female users do this, proving that they're all a bunch of fags. The asian guys pretend to be black person despite planning to become engineers after they graduate high school. The asian girls post about their favorite azn dramas, obnoxious k-pop boy/girl bands, pictures of desserts and bubble tea, and seemingly somehow still manage to get a 4.0 GPA despite the fact they can't form complete sentences and fail math. Both genders will have "Like a G6" by the Far East movement on autoplay.
By far the most cancerous part of tumblr, black tumblr. Consists of white guilt suffering 14 year old girls, black lives matter fags, pseudo-intellectual niggers that dropped out of high school in 10th thinking they're an expert on everything, and WE WUZ KINGZ AN SHEIT niggers wanting those evil white devils to compensate for enslaving their lazy nigger asses. They'll bitch about everything and turn everything into a race issue. Black Tumblr is also known for being "Woke", which is believing every conspiracy theory brought to you, thinking cops are all trigger happy racists, and that white people are keeping niggers down, all while collecting welfare and unemployement checks since their middle school education failed to land them a job at McDonald's. They easily fall for bait and can't think for themselves. Also known for their overusage of gif images featuring niggers from Real Housewives, reality TV shows, and Nicki Minaj.
90 Day Jane started shooting roids and dropping drugs, then got a tumblr and became one of its most mocked users.
What you fap to.
Social Justice bloggers
To some people, the best way to win at tumblr is to be the most oppressed, discriminated against person with the shittiest life in the world. A great way of doing this is to be a minority.
Be sure to plaster all manner of stamps, stickers, memes and macros all over your tumblr to advertise your minority-of-choice and how positive you are about them, but only ever mention the negative things about being one. This is sure to endear you to all the Social Justice bloggers who will forever be walking on eggshells around you and treating you like the special snowflake that you are, after all, you people get offended so easily. Like the majority of tumblr users, they will often reblog with a bunch of animated gifs to cover their own butthurt.
- GPOY: Gratuitous Picture Of Yourself. Often used on pictures to express that it's you and whoever looks at the picture should receive a resemblance of you in it's entirety.
- Topless Tuesdays: Attention whores trying to solve their daddy issues.
- THIS: The word "this" is to describe the picture or comment that the typer believes to be the one and only true picture to ever be s0per kewl and I don't even because oh my GaGa ...THIS^^^ ..
- Ukulele: It's an instrument, however, this word is used to cover up that the person who claims to have one, and to be an exceptionally good player, is actually trying to mirror an image that they are talented because, seriously, who plays a fucking Ukulele and thinks they're hot shit?
- Meme: Anything with a picture and words on it.
- 5T4S: Meaning that if you know what it means then you deserve to know. In reality it was a bunch of fucktwats who believed there should be separation of people who stumbled across tumblr and of those who made a tumblr because of MTV. Except for this whole Jewish holocaust that would've happened, tumblr turned on itself and anyone claiming 5t4s now is declared a fat cunt.
Gender and sexual orientation
tumblr users have an unhealthy obsession with gender identity and sexual orientation. Some of the greatest and brightest users on the website have discovered genders and sexualities unknown to the human race ever before. Therefore, tumblr bloggers are smarter than college-educated scientists. tumblr has discovered the following:
- Bigender/Trigender/Pangender: A mutant alien with a penis, a vagina, and something else no one wants to find out.
- Butch: A nicer term for lesbian.
- Cisgender: A normal person who is the scum of the planet.
- Demiboy: Someone who has half of his penis cut off.
- Demigirl: Someone who has a mutilated vagina.
- Genderfluid: Unsure if you have a penis or a vagina on different days of the week, especially on Thursday.
- Two spirit: Don't identify as this unless you're Native American otherwise you're a RACIST!!!!1111.
- Asexual: The lack of sexual orientation because you know that every human being on the planet is a piece of shit. The best part is tumblr loves and supports asexuals with their dying breaths, so you'll have a flock of morons worshipping you.
- Bisexual: What everyone on tumblr wishes they were deep down inside.
- Demisexual: Being an arrogant douchebag who only deems certain people as "worthy."
- Gynosexual: Attaction to anyone who seems like they have a pussy.
- Heterosexual: Exclusive attraction to the opposite sex, you inconsiderate fucktard.
- Homosexual: A regular, garden-variety faggot.
- Pansexual: The fear of pot.
- Sapiosexual: Sexually attracted to intelligence; in other words, doomed to dying alone.
- Thinspo. Every 16-year-old girl is guaranteed to have at least 100 pictures of skinny models wearing sundresses or half naked on her blog representing not only her Indie fashion love (she doesn't know shit about fashion; she just likes vintage filters) but also her desperate insecurity about her "average" looks.
- Pictures of couples in luv 4 eva Every teenager on tumblr will have pictures of indie/scene couples kissing or in a sweet compromising position to express their sensitivity and heartache. Expect the couple to have their faces covered or cut out and heavily photoshopped because they're ugly.
- Homestuck Almost as common as My Little Pony, Homestuck has a very large presence on tumblr. Typical Homestuck fantards on tumblr are usually gay losers or lesbians doing nothing but posting shitty artwork and getting in shitty RPs. A good chunk of them are also SJWs that think everything is racist, sexist, and against them. They have a persecution complex bigger than bronies.
- Food Out of all things you can photoshop, food has got to be the most ridiculously meticulous and detailed. Hipsters will go ape shit for a cup of yogurt on a floral pattern cloth angled and shot with a Nikon/Canon then photoshopped and filtered with fake bokehs. You will even see it happening with fucking KFC, just remember to to include a green background because it's "complimentary to the red". 40k a year art school and that's what they have to show for it.
- Harry Potter tumblr is infested with teenagers who think themselves to be so special just because they dislike Twilight and love Harry Potter. They claim to LOVE reading, but we all know that is a huge lie. The only things they HAVE read are Harry Potter and the responses to their reblogs. They claim to love books and constantly post fashion pics of indie girls reading books, but in reality they organize their bookshelf by color and size and only watched the movies because reading hurts for them.
- Quotes Get a picture of space or the stars, put a photoshop filter on it, some triangles, then use Helvetica and put some quote on it and wait for your over 9000 followers
- Movies Every movie screencap on tumblr is either Mean Girls, the Virgin Suicides, Inception, or the Avengers (and it's always of the whiny bitch, Loki)
- Role-Playing Role-playing groups on tumblr have also taken the welfare-dependent shut-in crowd by storm.
- Indie music tumblr loves shitty hipster bands like Vampire Weekend, Mac Demarco, The 1975, or any other band with a skinny effeminate barista singing in a faux British accent.
- Newfag shit tumblr is the reason there aren't any real memes anymore.
- My little pony Ever since the explosion of bronies, tumblr is now the central hub for pony rule 34 and more mary sue stupidity. Most of them includes ask boxes that is normally filled with people asking the ponyfag to have sex with them. And they now have their own wiki.
- Porn At least half the content of tumblr is porn, which the tumblrites are fiercely protective of to the point they protested the takeover by Yahoo! in fear that it would all be taken away to make it "family friendly". Clearly Yahoo! realized the site was filled with the socially inept and left them to their fapping. Most porn uploaded on tumblr is in black and white, making it very hard to fap to.
- Ugly British Actors tumblr is full of 16-year-old girls who think that their obsessions with homely bridge trolls like Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston make them SO EDGY XD, while any normal person realizes these guys are "2/10 Would Not Bang" at best. Their tumblr feeds are littered with crappy movie/TV show gifs and the most putrid fanfic you'll ever have the misfortune of reading. When not on the Internet, these fangirls are likely rummaging through celebrity garbage, camping outside of hotels, or trying to fight restraining orders.
- Doctor Who With the addition of Ugly British Actors comes the disturbingly large amount of Canon and Fanon posts about Doctor Who, aka that shitty and extremely overrated limey show. tumblr is literally Mecca for fans of that shit, thus making you hate it even more. Like Harry Potter, most posters are either just bandwagon fags who post in order to get followers and most likely have never seen one episode, or are nerds who think they are so unique by posting a bunch of shit fanart or cosplay.
- Cam-Whore run-off Cam whores of the Jessi Slaughter class also relish in anonymous fame via tumblr. This requires little else than posting "thoughtful" messages and pictures of one's self.
- Anime When weeaboos on tumblr are not busy arguing on whether their favorite characters are trannies/mentally ill/300 moles in a suit, redrawing them as niggers, or ruining their favorite shows in general, they are busy appreciating fanart.
- Teenaged Girls Who Shoplift: totally not making that up. Tumblr has a subculture of fucked up spoiled 15-year old girls who openly brag about stealing makeup and lingerie.
tumblr & 4chan's /b/
It's been long known that tumblr rarely produces its own original shit, so it isn't really a surprise when old rejected fail memes from /b/ make it big on tumblr. The only problem is that tumblr users are incredibly egotistical and think they own everything that they see on their tumblr dashboard regardless of where it originally came from.
4chan's /b/ really couldn't give a fuck where all its shit memes went to, but unfortunately for the Internet the thing /b/ hates most these days is cancerous newfags. Not only is tumblr the cancer that is killing the Internet, tumblrfags actually think they deserve praise for their fail raids on Omegle and false sense of originality. The hatred brewing between these two communities could possible lead to a cyber war between tumbloggers and /b/tards that this side of the Internet has ever seen!
Newfaggotry rampant among 16-year-old girls
tumblr as of recent is full of idiots who suddenly feel like /b/ because they bitched about Jessi Slaughter. Interconnected with each other and suddenly believing themselves to be 1337 army capable of damage like Anonymous, tumblr's party van consists of being covered with stars/space/forest wallpaper, triangles, running on weed and love instead of Gas, ringing Radiohead sirens, and driven by hipsters in Native American headdresses. tumblr trolling is needed ASAP in order to show them where they belong. Easy troll pickings are everywhere.
Somewhere during the night of November 10, 2010, some newfags declared war on tumblr due to the fail raid of Omegle by tumblr. /b/ came up with Operation Overlord and reclaimed Omegle while some script kiddies tried to DDoS tumblr. No shit this plan
will fail failed, seeing as tumblr runs on multiple servers and half the community are sick fucks who regularly look at porn and gore to be ironic. /b/ will need to get creative. Only newfags try to force raids and think gore is the worst they can do. Lurk moar and get to know your enemy, cancer.
How to properly troll tumblr
- Gorn The weak link in the tumblr community are naive 16-year-old girls and high school scene indie kids who use tumblr to camwhore and talk about their favorite shitty band like Blood on the Dance Floor and Katy Perry. These innocent naive kids who have been sheltered all their lives will be the ones most affected by gore and porn; the rest of the community spend 5 hours a day on the Internet and are not phased by gorn because in their hipster careers, they've seen worse.
- When you post up the gorn, tag it with #fashion, #love, #skins, #harry potter, #food, #art, #tom hiddleston, etc to ensure only the young/weak ones of their clan get the dosage. Try at best to follow the little naive kids and change your background to gorn.
- Heated arguments tumblr is comprised of cliques, not so much a whole community. tumblr has users from all around the world having many different interests whether it be furry porn or hentai.
- Or pretend to be a fashion blog and put the nimp link in the click through
- GPOYs and Topless Tuesdays Find the ugly ones and post them on ED for the world to marvel at the carnival/zoo that is tumblr
- Facebook The one thing that tumblr hates more than hipster shit are their 16-year-old girl classmates. The best way to troll tumblr is to get as many high schoolers from Facebook to come over to tumblr and turn it into Myspace. Nothing infuriates them more than seeing cheerleaders typppe lykeeee dissss omggg and like, talk about the bessst boyfrann in teh worlddd!!111 <333333
- Recommended List if possible, get as many /b/rothas to recommend you into the recommend blogs to get more publicity
- Pro-anas and lias Search for "thinspo" "pro ana" "gb" etc and find some anorexic and bulimic girls, then go to their ask boxes and tell them how fat they are/how huge their thighs are to trigger them.
At least 100 years ago, tumblr has taken to poorly attempt trolling, via Omegle. The trolling consisted mainly of starting chats, typing "HNNG", and if replied with a "HNNG", swapping tumblr urls. Obviously, we have much to learn from these overly advanced beings. Like all fags, they're incredibly easy to troll.
- Go to Omegle on a tumblr troll day
- Start a chat with "HNNG" or "WHAT IS AIR"
- Ask for URL
November 14: DOOMSDAY
Comparable to the 2012 of tumblr, dumbshits all over start freaking out at their impending doom. Naive simpletons simply blanked their page and put in a "lock layout", convinced somehow changing the layout automatically means not being able to be hacked. "4chan" charts Twitter trends and various blog sites who have nothing better to talk about join in on the fun. tumblrfags bid goodbye to their "precious followers" and deactivated their accounts. Desperate and helpless, many start turning to Jew, their glorious owner and beg him for help on his twitter account. Everyone starts referring to him as "Daddy", used as in "Daddy's gonna save us" and "Don't worry, Daddy's here!".
When the DDoS attack of 11/14 began, /b/ was pumped already. Few minutes in, tumblr was down for 1/3 and slowing for the rest. David Karp disabled ask on his blog.
However, some mod took down 4chan's domain but the boards were still up. Dumbshits believed tumblr to have reversed DDoSd 4chan when in reality /b/ was betrayed by their own mods (some argue because the bad publicity was going to ruin moot's new project, Canvas). The confusion result in neither website having permanent damage but instead of Anonymous getting a sex slave. Thus out of the ashes, 4chumblr was born. The epitome of everything cancer, newfag and lack of organizational skill ruled by the ADHD and sex drive.
12/6/2010 AKA SLOWEST NEWS DAY EVER
tumblr went down somewhere around the night of 12/5/2010 apparently because the 16 people at staff couldn't handle the length and girth that is the big black person cock of a server maintenance. They managed to fuck up their database and promises to be "Back shortly", despite the fact tumblr has been down for a day. News media who apparently are butthurt over the fact they didn't get to cover the 4chan vs tumblr story, along with having the slowest news day possibly imaginable, starts covering the story of tumblr's downtime with intense detailed and watch eye stalking tumblr's twitter for any update no matter how small and insignificant and includes using random people's tweets as viable journalism sources. CNN, Gawker, Techcrunch, and god knows who else.
—The people of tumblr
- Tell them since they all worship Kurt Cobain as an idol; they should all follow in his footsteps and become an heros
- Find a average looking girl who enjoys pro-ana photography and trigger her into ED
- Be conservative and tell others art school and majors in philosophy and English will lead nowhere in life
- Along with that; point out Lady Gaga sucks to faggots and be against all gay rights
- Point out stealing memes and pretending to be like /b/ doesn't make them awesome
- Call Michael Jackson a deranged pedophile
- Point out socially awkward penguin and Forever Alone are horrible and killing the ENTIRE Internet
- Misspell shit like crazy. tumblr users are Grammar Nazis and will go ape shit over any spelling errors even if they're typos. For example make sure you fuck up the following: your and you're; Their, they're, and there; To, too, and two. However, you will not be accused of grammatical errors if you are black—as that would be micro-racism, and remember: blacks cannot be bad.
- Say Arcade Fire sucks major balls
- Follow them, then when they follow back, unfollow them
- Follow someone who hates your blog. When they ask/beg you to unfollow them (usually in the manner of a pretentious faggot), keep following them and like/reblog their posts often.
- Tell everyone that Joseph Gordon Levitt is sucking Taylor Lautner's cock
- Mention that you are 13 and pregnant, enjoying partying and getting high, and pretend to like everything they like
- Pretend to be an awkward indie boy who plays in a band, studies philosophy and likes the same shitty music. Wait for fangirls; ask them for nudes, ??? PROFIT
- Say that Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold would hate them if they didn't kill themselves.
- Point out that calling David Carp daddy is creepy as fuck
- Be as conservative as possible. Make sure you make it abundantly clear that you hate the liberal agenda and want everyone to believe in Jesus.
- Support the Tea Party and be proud to be American
- Be against Marijuana legalization
- Say Twilight is better than Harry Potter
- Get as many 16-year-old girls from Facebook to join in order to infuriate tumblr into complaining how it's turning into Myspace
- Be a cis-gendered, heterosexual, white male
- Post that tumblr will be deleting/Yahoo will be censoring their precious PORN!!1! Link to staff blog. Sit back and wait for the shitstorm.
- Act ignorant and blissful in front of attention whores desperately trying to provoke you.
- Nuke their ask box
- Say John Green is a terrible author
- For a less subtle approach, simply begin throwing around racial slurs
- Tell them that their precious little blogs are meaningless in the grand scheme of things, and that they should stop wasting their time and commit suicide.
Last Thursday, Tumblr sold out to Yahoo, the bestest Internet corporation ever. David Karp, founder of tumblr, has been paid delicious pork money to let Yahoo keep its grip on what's left of the biggest hive of hipsters to ever exist. Unsurprisingly, the remaining mass of tumblr's "rebellious" userbase of obese 14-year-old scene kiddies and 30-year-old poon hunters reacted before the buyout was even confirmed.
—Kaitlyn, showing her fat prepubescent shut-in dyslexic bulldyke mongoloid ass to the entire world.
Then Yahoo tried to destroy it:
- 16-year-old girls
- Art school
- Attention whores
- Don't Hug Me I'm Scared
- Hipsters – Everyone who isn't one on tumblr wants these dead.
- Homosexuality – Going on tumblr will make you crave cock.
- Josh Macedo
- Keep Calm and Carry On
- Memes – Tumblr's main job in life is to steal memes from Reddit.
- Millennials / Generation Z – 99% of its users.
- Personal pronouns – Utter horseshit that tumblr promotes.
- Social justice
- Special Snowflake Syndrome
- Transgender – Tumblr's favorite mental disorder.
- Trigger warning
- Tumblr panels
- Unwarranted Self Importance
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