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This article violates Article 301 of the Turkish Penal Code for insulting "Turkishness" and insulting The Republic of Turkey.
You may find this average Turkish twitter user in abundance
Current local deity Padişah Recep Tayyip Erdoğan I.
Cockroach > Turkroach
They got the most important word right.

Turkey (also known as Turka Durka, Muslim Terrorists, Rabid Rapists of Turkey, Republic of Kebab, Neo-Ottoman Empire, Islamic Republic of Turkey and especially a bird species around USA) is Middle East's Mexico, USA and Russia's bitch, as well as world's refugee waste dump. Filled with gypsies and ragheads, it is most notable for being hated by basically every single country in the world. The only exception are the Arabs, who armed with the most cancerous religion on the planet infuriate Turks who thought the Middle East would be like Asia and easy to plunder and rape and their inferior nature worshipping culture left intact but instead are forced to be Islamic on the threat of a phantom Arab suicide bomber who will blow them up. Thus the Turks become retarded and every 100 years try to act secular before an Arab blows up and reminds them they'll be Muslim until the day they die and the Turks scream in amusing agony. There have become couple of countries who seem to like Turkey behave like that because of Jew monies they frequently get from Turkish government. Ironically, Turks are usually regarded as being next to Jews and Arabs, in terms of general filthiness and everyone else in the world without exception (even niggers) look down on them, especially Europeans who think Turks are not "Westernized" enough. Besides, the Turks tend to hate and are hated back by Arabs, because Turks are not seen as "proper Muslims". Probably because they drink alcoholic libations and don't abuse their women as much, supposedly. Turks also get pissed off if you compare them to Arabs, because they feel that they are "white Europeans", and white people are of-course superior to filthy sandniggers. Somebody must tell the Turks that they are, in fact, sandniggers themselves, no matter how European they try to look.

Despite the fact that Turkey has stolen territory from everyone and slaughtered a bunch of Armenians, Assyrians and Greeks, Turks will constantly bitch and moan when any of this is mentioned during conversations. Seriously, They even made it a law, earning the country title of "Biggest BBAAAWWers" on Earth. People also call it: "Turkey, a country to spit on."

Turks are easy to identify IRL. If you ever see a bunch of Arabs on the street screaming "REEEEEECEEEEEEEEP TAYYIIIIIIIIIIP ERDOGAN", don't worry, they are not retards, just Turks participating in a Muslim ritual protest, usually pissing and whining about some random Armenian crap or celebrating another victory of Erdogan. TAKBIIIIIIIIR, ALLAHU AKBAAAAAAR!!!

The Turkish government is currently slaughtering Kurds, who are the degraded versions of already filthy Turks. They appear to have had a huge hatred towards Turks for centuries because they claim Turks (along with Iraq, Iran, Syria, Armenia, Hyrule, Azeroth, etc.) impede their efforts to become an independent country.

An Overview of Turkey[edit]

Eternal God-Emperor of Turks. Not surprisingly, his liver gave out while trying to educate them.

It is inhabited by the descendants of the smallest Empire in the history of the world. Turks are the sub-human barbarians whose only contribution to history is fucking yoğurt and kebab, which tastes like shit and nobody likes it (except Germans, due to being exposed to that disgusting thing for years).

The current Turkish national deity is Sultan Erdoğan I. However, the eternal God-Emperor of Turks is Atatürk, probably the only Turk with a functioning human brain in all history(Considering he'd pass as white and had plenty of East European DNA). He realized that Islam was retarded as fuck and decided to go for nationalist fervor instead of religious fervor. After the horrors of World War I and barely routing the whitey out of the last shithole Turks occupied, he attempted to destroy everything related to sandniggers by banning those stupid little hats called fez. Hanging fanatical assholes who refused to wear proper hats and basically trying to establish a less of a shithole country in the Middle East. The thing is, one can't enlighten Sandniggeristan without constant Islamist chimpouts; thus chain smoking, binge drinking and dying from stress is inevitable. As expected, he died of a ruined liver and a century's headache of trying to educate Mehmet not to marry butifel Melike and pray to Allah.

  • Fun fact: Sultan Mahmut II heavily westernized the dying Empire, industrialized it(half-assed but that's Turks for you), banned turban and introduced fez into Ottoman Empire as clothing reform in 1820s. Shitskin Islamist zealots chimped out, accused him of being enemy of Allah and got their shit smacked by whiter Turks and soldiers. After one century, in 1920s Atatürk banned fez and introduced fedora as clothing reform. Again, Islamist zealots chimped out, accused him of being enemy of Allah. Notice a pattern here?

Obviously, sandniggers took over the country subsequent to Ataturk's death and Europe gleefully supported their head niggers like Adnan Menderes and Turgut Özal who plundered the barely standing treasury and gave half to EU and half to themselves. Nevertheless, he's still a national hero and if you say a bad word against his memory, you will be shot in both your legs and then assfucked by batshit insane Turkish cops, and taken to prison, where a burly, moustached Turk named Faruk will slice off your testicles and feed them to you. But actually Turkey never was really a secular State and today's President (or, better, neo-Ottoman Sultan Recep Tayyip Erdogan dismantled the rest of the already eroded fascistic system of government and is trying to build an Islamic State. Hopefully he will get what he deserves.

The Turkish national pastimes include beating, raping and/or murdering wifes, girlfriends, sisters or other female relatives and also homosexual male relatives because of Honour, beating, raping and forcing their children to marriage, often with those relatives (that's the reason Turks have low IQs), mutilating male genitalia, watching child and/or animal porns (the Turkish langugage is the first most common language which used to search for child and animal pornography in the internet), banging slutty Eastern European chicks, sending shitty performers to Eurovision, slaughtering the Kurds, blaming Greeks for everything, sodomizing European drug-dealers in their prisons, and picking off pedestrians with their cars even when the green light CLEARLY says that pedestrians have right of way. They are, however, masters of trolling BAWWWing Kurds and Armenians, not to mention being Pedophiles to little girls on a daily basis. Since having sex is forbidden under quasi-Sharia laws Turkey has now, some of their men resorted to satisfying their sexual desires by having sexual intercourse with animals or even inanimate objects. Yeah I mean it, once a local man in Turkey got caught masturbating with a carboy in an elevator.

It is a proven fact that Turkish people spend 90% of the day on websites like Facebook, Twitter, Omegle or Chaturbate, trying to pick up chicks, and the other 10% of their day making up their language, which is completely indecipherable, even to Google. Some Argue that this is because their education system is retarded, while others have suggested that they simply pretend speak some form of human language but are really just making it up as they go along.

Turkish nations around the World[edit]

Turks have an irredentist, nationalist concept called Turan, sort of like Turkish Lebensraum. According to this Turanist idea; other people are actually Turks and they just don't know it yet. A partial list of peoples that the Turks believe to be Turks:

Uralic group[edit]

More than half a century ago Ural-Altaic language family idea was thrown into the garbage bin of linguistic fails, just like "Sun-Language Theory". If you see a Turk screaming on /pol/ that Finns are actually Turks, this is their main source.

Altaic group[edit]

Turks actually fap to this map, srsly

Maybe not as outrageous as Ural-Altaic, this is still weak. Most of these nations got split thousands of years ago:

Eastern Europe[edit]

These were "Turkish speaking, Tengriist nomadic tribes" who migrated to Europe and then got Christianized/Slavicised.

Close Coordinates[edit]

  • Armenians??; because Turks have had consensual sex with Armenians since the beginning of the history.
  • Kurds??; because Kurds can be either Arab, Turk, Armenian. They are donkey fucking mountain Turks and got their name by voices of cracking watermelons *kart*, *kürt* in Amed Diyarbakır.
  • Persians??


Bonus: Sun-Language Theory????[edit]

This was a ridiculous claim in 1930s by Turkish pseudo-linguists. Allegedly, Turkish Language was the origin of all languages in the world. Not surprisingly, this idea got laughed at by real linguists and then get aborted 10 years later in 1940s. Today, Turks pretend that this theory never existed, let alone even defending it.

History of the Turks[edit]

Turks of Turkey were originally Azns who came to pillage Anatolia at least 1000 years ago. They became a mongrelized race because of constant raping and spilling seeds everywhere. You can see the main difference between Turkish (left) and Turkic (right) in the pic.

Modern linguistic and anthropological evidence has shown that the original Turks were actually remnant Homo erectus, specifically Wushan Man, who survived in isolated populations in the Central Asian hills. They lived a happy, peaceful life hunting with sharpened sticks and clubs, living in caves or crude yurt-like huts and wearing the untanned skins of their prey. However, around roughly 800 BC, contact with wandering Indo-Aryan nomads gave Turks the idea to ride horses and use bows. In the next three thousand years that it took them to learn how to sit on a horse and move it forward, the Turks bred like rats until there were enough of them to Zerg Rush the civilized nations of Persia, Anatolia and eastern Europe. And, giving themselves short guttural barbarian names like the 'Huns,' 'Khazars,' and 'Oghuz,' that is exactly what they did.

Then, in order to mask their sub-human origins, they proceeded to rape everything they could lay their paws on, creating the most mongrelized excuse for an ethnic group in existence. The original Turkic people looked like a bunch of filthy Asian bums on horseback who lived in tents. By the time they reached Turkey, after centuries of fucking Arabs and Europeans, they looked like a mix of white people and Arabs, but some today still have that authentic Azn look.

Ottoman Empire[edit]

How the mighty Ottoman Empire was built collapsed.
A Turk in stage 2 form

After getting ass-raped by their Altaic cousins Mongols; Turkish Selçuk Empire got shattered and crumbled into minor tribal chiefdoms. Eventually, some of the more mongrelized Turks became intelligent enough to declare themselves leader, and uniting all the Turks who had yet to rape themselves out of existence, plus the countries they had zerg'd into submission, under Islam (a religion they stole from the Arabs) they declared themselves to be the Ottoman Empire. After getting ass-raped by their Altaic cousins Timurid Mongols yet again; Ottoman Empire got shattered into tribal chiefdoms and fell into civil war between 4 brothers - 4 sons of former Sultan. After the civil war was over, it became the law to strangle the future Sultans' brothers to death, thus began the fratricide - murdering one's own brothers to avoid civil wars. Most of the emperors of the Ottoman empire are known for being potheads (lots of hash supplies, dude). They also had harems, which makes a prince start having orgies at the age of 12.

Eventually the Terrans of Europe figured out how to use firearms effectively and counter the Zerg Rush tactics on which the prolific steppe-apes had become dependent. Since the Ottoman Empire had spent all its resources building an army of meatshields, they required more Vespene gas in order to spawn more Overlords and change tactics. So one by one the Balkan nations and Arab tribes, who were sick of stenchy Turks telling them what to do, rebelled and separated. Eventually, all the Turks who were still dumb enough to be considered Turkish had left was Anatolia. Which would have been fine, except the Turks were still idiots who could not function in an ordered society, and therefore poor. So, rather than attempt to educate themselves so they could become richer, the Turks began to purge all the richest elements from society so that they would not look bad in comparison. Hundreds of rich and middle-class people were rounded up and marched into the desert, shut in buildings and burned live, or slaughtered in the street with bayonets. Coincidentally, almost all of these rich people were Armenians, the few exceptions being Greeks or Yazidis, slaughtered by Turks Kurdish Hamidiyyah Brigades, all the wealth grabbed by the hairy mountain niggers calling themselves Kurds, and the Steppe Niggers called Turks only got the blame for it.

Istanbul: Now with Electricity

This left only Kurds and Gypsies as minorities. Even the Kurds, however, decided they were to good for the steppe-monkeys and began to go terrorist on them and get their own country. Gypsies hate Turks too, but because pretending to be a Turk makes it easier to rip them off, they just keep it to themselves.

There are no crueller and more audacious villains under the heavens than the Turks who spare no age or sex and mercilessly cut down young and old alike and pluck unripe fruit from the wombs of mothers


—Bishop Fabri of Vienna (1536–41), Vienna

Kemal Ataturk[edit]

Faced by the collapse of their empire after the First World War and the occupation of Constantinople by the British and French, the Turks turned to Mustafa Kemal a.k.a. 'the Big Mus' or simply 'Ataturk', one of the only few Turks with an IQ above the room temperature. Realizing Islam will make the Turks just another colonial trophy of French and British, he reunited the country round an idea of Islamic Jihad (doubly lulzy since he'd fuck over and kill every Islamist afterwards), and successfully expelled the Allies from the country with a final rifleman Zerg spam. Then he encouraged the minorities to GTFO or assimilate, putting the old Ottoman extended family on a boat to France. Last sultan died a poor man in a rented home in Paris.

Ataturk wanted to transform the country. A Republic was proclaimed and to make sure no one could argue against this, changed the language and introduced the Latin alphabet and forced the retarded mountain monkeys of Anatolia to go to school. He created new type of nationalism and forced religious and ethnic minorities to become the new accepted nationalist identity. With the Ottoman nostalgia and the jealousy of Stalin's and Hitler's popularity; he created one his extreme Dersim and Zilan massacres (which were totally justified) aimed mostly towards civilian Kurds and anyone who still thinks even more retarded hobos with headscarves are cool. Because of his influence and constant bias mentioned about him, many Turks refer him as "grandfather" "great-grandfather" or "waifu".

Today, you can see pictures of him everywhere in Turkey. As a Turk, if you think negative of the things he did, you must be either an Islamist or a liboş. In 2007, two journalists working for the News Agency, interviewed 94-year-old living eyewitness of the Zilan massacre and published the interview. The pissed off Criminal Court with its rage tried the journalists for "inciting hatred and hostility". In 2009, each of them received a prison sentence of 18 months because they are quasi-SJW faggots for whom it's only ok to investigate when it's the enemies of the West.


Istanbul is the city which is the actual Kurdistan and Syria, as well as the popular place for web 2.0 whoring. You can visit and experience extreme sickfuckery with transgender whores at the back streets of Taksim, or get drunk as fuck in some corner bar crawling with gangbangers and drug pushers. Or you can tell a tobacco crazy taxi driver that you don't have enough money to pay, then he will pull the car to a back street and tell you to give him a blowjob and will then break your thumbs. Another interesting hangout would be the Istiklal street (the street of independence, lol get it?) full of hot German tourists and classy, respectable individuals. Watch out for Syrians though.

Venture into the piss ridden back streets crawling with old paedophiles smoking cigarettes or retarded bitch gazers enjoying their glass of tea, if you simply do not give a fuck any more. Take a wrong turn and enjoy being stabbed, mugged and raped by a glue sniffer, in that order if you're lucky. Experience Istanbul's cosmopolitan sickfuckery and mind numbing night life, as the city slowly consumes and mind-numbs you into a hate spewing mess of a person. Don't forget to meet the city's extremely welcoming and helpful people, and enjoy your shisha in a café with barely breathable atmosphere.

Turkish Culture[edit]

Patriotic Algae Blooms are a Common Problem in Turkish Waterways

"Turkish culture" is an oxymoron. Everything even slightly 'cultural' in Turkey was stolen from the Greeks and Arabs. Though they are most famous for Turkish Delight.



  • If you have sex before marriage, you get killed or enforced to kill yourself. Your parents lock you somewhere and give you some rope to hang yourself, they don't give you food or water and possibly beat you up for days until you decide.
  • If you cheat on your husband, he kills you or reports to your family, then they kill you.
  • If you marry a non virgin, you have the right to take the woman back to her dad. Her dad kills the woman for you.
  • If you deflower a female and not marry her, her dad kills you.
  • If you get raped, your parents ask you to kill yourself because of the probability that you were asking for it.
  • If you marry a foreign woman, everybody has the right to rape your wife. Basically, your wife is everybody's personal whore.


In a word: YES!!!!!
  • Turks, being the hypocritical assholes they are, only consider bottoms to be "faggot". So if you took it up the ass, you are a faggot. Otherwise, you are "kulampara", or "ass pirate". (Ghulamperest is a word stolen from Persians, lol another nation, where this kind of faggotry is also rampant)
  • If you are a faggot, your dad kicks you out of the family. You don't have a family anymore. But go to the big city and there are open anuses everywhere.


  • If you are a female tourist, all men in the country constantly ask you to have sex assuming all females outside Turkey are accomplished sluts.


  • If someone kills someone from your family, the youngest person in your family has to kill someone from their family and this cycle goes on that way until one (or both) of the families are killed off.


Turkish literature is the living proof that there is actually no Turkish language. Seemingly, they utter guttural barbarian expressions, sounding like a language but they are really just making it up as they go along. Here, have a taste of it:


Türk milleti gariptir, (Turkish folk is strange,)
her lafı kaldırmaz. ([they] don't tolerate every remark.)
İbne dersin kızar da, ([If you] Call [them] a faggot, [they] would get angry,)
sikersin aldırmaz. (but [if you] fuck [them], [they] would not mind.)



—Neyzen Tevfik (1879–1953), A Turkish hobo that played ney, famous for consuming enough booze, hash and opium to supply all American Niggers for a century

Turkish Immigrants[edit]

Turks immigrate to North America and Western Europe, because the living conditions in these countries are much better than the living conditions in the ass-cave, overcrowded, ghetto slum which we call Turkey. Emigrant Turks work mostly as fast food traders or greengrocers, but the biggest part of them live on welfare. They have to shave their hairy asses themselves because salons don't take food stamps.

An active sex life[edit]

Neither historical trannies, nor circus freaks... These are the first Turkish female MPs. Inbreeding carved fugliness directly into their genetics.
  • Ages of arranged marriages (in which husband doesn't see his wife before marriage) combined with inbreeding until 1960s, caused natural selection not rewarding beauty. Thus;
  • Turkish women are fugly.
  • Those in minority, who have average 5/10 looks (even with heavy make-up), consider themselves 10/10 perfect gems who has to be treated like a princess. These kind of superiority complex ridden girls with daddy issues who are in dire need of getting blacked are called kezban.
  • Because beauty is so rare, there is a supply and demand imbalance in every dating app or website. Tons of hairy, horny, tawny men slobber over a few above average girls. Only dating apps which got supply and demand balance are homosexual apps like Grindr.
  • Like Indians, these Turkish men are known for harassing-stalking females all over the internet, facebook or instagram and do the same to IRL European female tourists.

Turkish hijab türban[edit]

A virgin Turkish hijabi successfully protecting her celibacy. Indulging in repressed desires by performing every kind of sexual activity imaginable, except vaginal of course.

For protection against getting stared and being a masturbation fantasy of horny men; more than half of Turkish females are forced by their parents to wear hijab called türban and keep their virginity intact for their husbands, uncles or other family members. However this türban neither stop them from doing other kinds of sexual activities nor stop Turkish men from oogling hijabis. Actually türban creates reverse psychology, the most popular porn category in Turkey is hijabi porn türbanlı and hijabi females who wear long skirt get oogled more than regular females. One can observe many hijabis performing handjobs for their lovers in Gülhane Park in İstanbul, in fact hijabi females are the masters of blowjobs and handjobs. Srsly, they can suck your bone marrows dry through your dick. Also, one can find numerous hijabi prostitutes on internet, whoring themselves in a garment that is designed to protect decency, creating a paradox which can't be solved by any modern day philosophers.

Turks on Web 2.0[edit]

An average Turk, seen on chatroulette, amazed by seeing a Vagina.

Turkish law requires ISPs to filter any materials that are critical of Mustafa Kemal Atatürk. Additionally, asking any Turk IRL about these censorship laws is a surefire way to make them feel uncomfortable.

Any site that is about Armenian Genocide or Kurdish shit will have their guestbook flooded with 6,000,000,000,000 nationalist Turks giving deep and meaningful messages with caps lock before their ISP bans the site. Spamming Facebook groups which are against the existence of Turks are daily fun hobbies of Turkish communities.

Also, almost every adult website is banned as well, alongside with YouTube, Twitter and even Wikipedia. Ya rly, the cunting Wikipedia.

Other Turkish pastimes include e-molesting underage girls to do sexual activities on webcam, as Turkish people are world class pedophiles. This can be found simply by doing a Google trend for "child porn" as well as any social networking website, as well as internet chatrooms. This activity is thought to exist because in Turkey there is no age of consent, as well as the fact that Turkish men are teh ugliest of humans and therefore like to engage in sexual activity with children who naturally do not register their horrific looks and sexual intents. Also, a grown woman would mock the size of their penis, which is always measured in cm and is always under 15cm long.


  • Playing Silkroad Online is the favorite past-time of any Turk, apart from their Jew-like obsession for gold which will be explained a little better in a second. Their obsession with gold comes from their extensive interaction with Jews as they are one of the stank-ass Muslim cultures they obviously encountered early in history. This unhealthy obsession with gold has led them to the innocent unsuspecting game of Silkroad Online in which the Turks have now been terrorizing for over 3 years... The situation has gotten so bad you can not actually log in to the game without buying a special ticket from the item mall, which is suspected to now be owned by the Turks so that they can buy more gold with the money they make. A Turk's Favorite Quote On Silkroad Online "Giyme Gold pls" .
  • Knight Online is another MMORPG popular in Turkey. However you should pronounce it as kınayt onlayn with k in order to blend in with Turks.
  • Playing Minecraft is also any favorite hobby of any Turk, all they do is go on servers (mostly cracked) and talk Turkish, until they fucking brainwash people. The goddamn routine goes on.

Hacking UR Websites[edit]

  • Rivaled only by the Kosovars in terms of skittishness and complete inability to spell the simplest of words, Turkish hackers break into unpopular, badly protected sites with a 2 year old exploit that they found on milw0rm, deface with a picture of the Turkish flag and insert pointless historical reference to remind people of a graet injustice that happened to the Turks well over 200 years ago, and blame it on the website owner.
  • Turks also often group together and change the kurdish translation on facebook to some phrases implying kurdish people are faggots so that the people who choose to view the website in kurdish would get annoyed.
The mythical Turkish hacker Okan hacks websites and puts up this picture of himself, demanding the website owners to kiss his hand.
  • On July 28, 2010, a group of Turkish pranksters enlisted the help of their fellow message board users to mount a large scale linguistic assault on Facebook which also resulted in shutdown of translate application for the most languages. The word “like” for example was substituted for another word that rhymes with luck but begins with an F. The familiar notification in Facebook chat “Your message could not be sent because the user is offline” became “Your message could not be sent because of your tiny penis”, here's more.

Foreign Relations[edit]

Turkey does foreign relations

Each and every one of Turkey's neighbors hate them. Bulgaria with the rest of the Balkans hates them because they are Muslims and because of the assrape they were given by the flaming Turkish hordes in the Middle Ages and Arab nations and Iran hate them because they are secular Sunni and pro-west. The only people willing to hold any strong relations with Turkey are rich and powerful countries who need cheap lackeys, and only have to deal with smelly Turks at arm's length. That's why NATO tolerates them as a member country.

Realizing that everybody hated them after centuries of slavery -mainly slavers of Ukrainian whites being Jewish- and rape on their behalf (if a little slow on the uptake), Turkey decided they needed at least one neighbor they could count on, even if they had to make it themselves. So, sometime after WWII, seeing the Greeks remove kebab in Cyprus, Turks realized that whitey started to snip them off from the civilized world. Chimping out, they invaded the northern half, killed all the Greeks they could find, and declared the northern part "Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus". However, as all the other countries have since realized that it, too, is not a real country, this operation is largely considered fail. Turkey then decided to do this to everyone in revenge. [1] (This is also a daily Turk ritual.) The UN forced Turkey and Greece to create a "buffer zone" on Cyprus, to keep the assholes from shooting at each other randomly and let the British keep their precious bases in the south.


Factcat seal of approval.gif This page relies entirely on facts.
Fact Cat knows this because of his learnings.
Sorry for the lack of dick jokes.

Armenia hates them because they have had to deal with the land-stealing, them attacking Turks and Turks killing (one million) Armenians during world war one. Turkey hates Armenia because Armenia's shitty military humiliated its puppet of Azerbaijan.

Greece + Cyprus[edit]

LOL! Not even Azerbaijan recognizes Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus

Greeks don't like Turkey because parts of Turkey were Greek settlements for centuries. Many cities in the west still have Greek names today. Turkey tried to grab half of Cyprus in 1970s in a peace mission, which turned into a shitty war. If you wanna piss them off, ask them about Varosha. Turkey and Greece often send their F16s to the Aegean Sea to claim the sea territory which Greece wants to take. Planes chase each other everyday and go back to their bases because none of the fags have the balls to fire their fucking missiles.


President of Azerbaijan İlham Əliyev, lapdog of Putin...
Could this user be Jack? WARNING! WARNING!
Azerbaijan is a sockpuppet of Turkey and seems to think that greed is a virtue!
A Turkish man drives a car that was stolen in Western Europe by Albanian smack addicts.

Azerbaijan, like a lot of central Asia, is Turkey's retarded younger half-brother who low-key thinks he is better than Turkey. Essentially the product of a Russian fucking a Shiite Turk up the ass; they have the stupidity and aggression of the latter combined with the psychotic paranoia of the former. Their sole reason of existence because USSR got dissoluted and Russia needed cheap oil from a puppet state. Ex-KGB agent and Russian lap-dog Heydər Əliyev was running the country from 1993, until he died in 2003. He transferred the government to his son İlham Əliyev, who runs the country with corruption and oppression to this day.

Azerbaijan distinguishes itself as being the only country to evar get pwned by Armenia, the Azeris have been BAWWWING about this for over 15 years. Azeris essentially believe Turkey is the only country in the world better than their own, that Azerbaijan is the descendant of a silly made-up ancient country called "Caucasian Albania" (despite also claiming to be Turkic) and that Western civilization (which is always trying to steal their goats and women) is under the control of the Armenian Lobby, who are actually Space Aliens that crashed on Mt. Ararat 3 billion years ago. Azeris often pretend to be friends of Turks due to the butthurt coming from kidfight between the Armenians and themselves, needing a big bro to help them when their ass is constantly being kicked by territory-obsessed Armenians (see System of a Down lyrics). The Azeris laid claim to lands known as Nagarno-Karabakh and they got their asses handed to them by Armenia. Their army, despite massive technological and training help from the Russian Federation and Israel, couldn't beat Armenia's third-class army, but they treat their military as if they have anything to protect other than the vaginas of the cumdumpsters they keep in their homes. North Korea would be proud.

Azeris also have the advantage of owning oil, but somehow this had made them neither richer nor less dirty.

Azerbaijan also hates Turkey because Turkey is so big and the amount of money Turks invest in Azeri oil companies scares the shit out of Azeri people. Azerbaijan does not count as a neighbor because Nakhchivan is not a part of any country as much as a turd that Armenia shat out.


Syria doesnt like Turkey because Turkey is not Muslim enough and not jihadding everytime something is triggered around Syria, that's the reason why Turkey begun to support the most religious muslims in the world (ISIS) in the Syrian Civil War to show that the Erdogan Regime is more Islamic than the Baathist dictatorship of Bashar al-Assad. Turkey doesn't give enough water to Syria because fuck them. Turkey has the power to kill all Syrians just by keeping the water.

Syria is a peaceful country now, since all Jihadists and basically the scum of Syria have gone to Turkey and Turkey has to deal with them.


Iraq doesn't like Turkey because noone in Turkey is interested in investing in its eastern areas. Kurds group up and kill the people and babies in the east of Turkey, whose population is mostly Kurds. Turkey is also has a boner for adding Mousul and Kirkuk to its territories.


Iran doesn't like Turkey because Turkey is too modern and has better relations with the western world, not jihadding about everything, being jelly constantly, and not buying their oil and spices as much as they want.After Erdogan came to power the relationship became much better. Erdogan is an Anti-semite like the shiteater Mullahs who rule Iran. HAHA DISREGARD THAT, Wahhabi ass-bitch Erdoğan is not helpless but to oppose Iran because the dollar went bust and needs Jewgolds.


*SNIFFFFFF*, AHHHHH! Just a regular day, Turks ingesting Zionist flag fumes for breakfast.

Israel hates Turkey, because they hate every Muslim majority nation. However, this hating is not unreciprocated. If there is one idea in the world that ties all Turks from every political spectrum together, that idea would be the eternal burning hatred against the Jews. Islamists and right-wing already hate Jews, left-wing hate Jews even more. There was a popular hobo, commmunist gunman, the wet dream of adolescent "communist" teenagers: Deniz Gezmiş, who got permabanned IRL by hanging; he also took up arms and went to Palestine to fight against encroaching Jewish threat.

Sinister Jewish tactic against Germans, inducing guilt for the nation's history, doesn't work on Turks; because they are empathy lacking soulless demons and don't feel bad for anything what they do, and also they didn't lose World War 2, LOL.

Incident of Mavi Marmara a.k.a. Freedom Flotilla[edit]

One day, a bunch of Islamist sandnigger-loving moronic Turkish religious community gathered up and thought it would be a great idea to deliver humanitarian aid (hush, it was high quality hashish) through a military blockaded port of Gaza Strip without any necesseary paperwork as civilians, I mean fuck rules amirite?. With their free will, these fucking retards collected 6 ships, formed a flotilla and set sail for Gaza. Jews, with their insectoid antennas smelled something funny was afoot and sent helicopters. While in international waters, Israeli helicopters started hovering over the flotilla, as an angry mob of Muslims whose total IQ was lower than a shoe-size, started to form up on the ship's deck, waiting with metal rods and blunt weapons. Suddenly, Israel's reptilian soldiers had this brilliant idea to fast rope on this angry mob of Muslims without any kind of tear gas or flashbang or any auxiliary. So, as soon as their Jewish paws touched the ground, the mob attacked with the rage of a hundred baboons.

Srsly though... What the fuck were you expecting?

Chaos ensued and one retard even tried to wrestle out a shlomo commando's handgun. Jews ended up pwning them with IRL paintballs. Conclusion: ten Islamist zealot Turks got killed, ten kike soldiers got wounded; nothing of value was lost. Turkish politicians are known for acting very, very, very angry and serious, without actually doing anything against their enemies. So Erdoğan did the same. He rushed to this conflict and began to speak against Israel for a lot of reasons including political power and lulz. However he soon regretted his decision, because he realised that the ship's crew were unhinged batshit insane Islamists who thought, even Tayyip was not Muslim enough.

Israeli soldiers trying to create casus belli.

A Jewish show, parodying Erdoğan's response to Mavi Marmara incident. (tembel means 'lazy', not 'moron'; you uneducated, unfunny Yahudi tohumları)

Things cooled down after a while. Israel has offered Turkey 20 million Jewdollars in compensation for the raid. On 22 March 2013, in a half-hour telephone exchange between Israel's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Turkey's Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdoğan; Netenyahu apologized on behalf of their nation; Erdoğan accepted the apology and revoked his support from Mavi Marmara after 6 years. Erdoğan changed his statement and remarked on the ship's crew in a press conference: "When you were setting sail to Israel, did you ask for my permission?". Of course behind the curtains, we don't know how much Jewdollars Israel paid to him for this kind of statement. Maybe some other kind of favor? God knows what.


Georgia hates them because Georgians hate everybody. This is one of the few countries that has reciprocal free passage with Turkey; one can easily get into and get out of Georgia with a passport from Turkey, no need for visa. Turkey's problems are: gambling's banned, alcohol is too expensive, prostitution is too tightly regulated; the exact opposite problems of Georgia. So, Turks of Black Coast, who want to live Las Vegas experience, go to Georgia on weekends. It's like a gloomy holiday camp for Turks.

Turkey was nice enough to help rebuild their faggot army after it was pwnt by Russia in 2008. The Georgians did not have the economy to repay, as they mainly survive on loans from the West, but rewarded the Turks by attacking one of their ships trying to break a blockade on a seperatist territory run by Moscow. Israel later copied them.


Nazi-Turkish Treaty of Friendship and Non-Aggression-Pact... Deep down in their heart, Turks envy Germans.
Police.gif Fact Alert
Heiliger Scheiß! Gibt es schon 4 Millionen Türken im Deutschland! Die züchten so schnell!
The video that started the Döner-Morde

Since both Turks and Germans use barbarian languages, they understand each other to some extent, still Germans hate Turks whatsoever. They think, a Turk comes in Deutschland, and schmutzigen their precious Übermenschgene by taking all the schöne Mäden for himself, leaving nix for the German. However, what they do not know is that they are the sons of all the German males who lived to see post-World War 2. Their grandfathers survived because they were too coward to face a Russian Zergenrausch and were draft-dodging sissy Autisten who can't say two words to a girl without Stottern.

Deutschen and Ottoman Empire has always been in war with each other for centuries. However in World War 1, for the first time in history; Turks and Germans decided to become friends and formed a military Bündnis called Axis. Unfortunately, they got gruppenvergewaltigt by Allies, leading to the demise of both of their already weak Empires.

Germans are the main foreign trade partner of Turkey since their trade partnership began as Nazis in the Zweite Weltkrieg. Adolf Hitler was an admirer of Turks because they murderered over a million Armenians without consequence. He buffed up Germany as in a tycoon game and was ready for the Zweite Spielrunde, and called the Turks. Anticipating, that Hitler would be autistic enough to declare war against both Russland and Judland; Turkish Prime Minister İsmet İnönü said: "No bro, I'll pass". Germans consider Turks Verräter, because Turks refused to get gecuckt along with them in another world war for a second time. In the end, Hitler committed Selbstmord miserably as expected.

After the war half of German males were kaputtgegangen and Germany needed men to support the manufacturing industry with workers. The world was too busy visiting Germany to erfüll German Frauen Russian military already gave German ladies an Erfüllung which they can't ever vergessen. Besides, Germans had to be punished by Juden for the crime of losing Worlds War 2. Thus Germany was compelled to allow braunhäutig immigrants outside of the Abendland, in order to mix Aryan white with brown coffee and make some latte. So millions of Turkish Bauerntölpel who were even too barbaric for Turkey itself, were poured into the heart of Deutschland. Turkish language also has barbarian letters like ö and ü, so kebabs like: köfte, döner, etc. got popular in Germany.

Polish-Lithuanian commonwealth[edit]

Lithuanian word for Turkey is kalakutas. In Polish, kal means shit and kutas means dick. They were one country for most of their history, thus this is not a coincidence...


Russia is known for being the manufacturer of the weapons used by Kurds in terrorism. Russia also makes shitloads of money by being the main gas supplier of Turkey. The Russians also help the degenerate Turks to build nuclear power plants.


Kurds were begotten in 8000 BC when a Persian shepherd was masturbating and ejaculated unto a mountain donkey's shit. The donkey shit got fertilized into an egg and 9 months later, a new donkey-human hybrid race of Kurd was hatched. Throughout their history they strolled in the mountains, never claimed nationality, never built a civilization. They committed constant incest, rape, honor killings, blood feuds on each other's tribes, not contacting outside world unless it was for smuggling between Iran and Turkey. They are sometimes being referred as Dağ Türkleri (Mountain Orcs).

The finest K*rdish specimens

In 1920s; when Ottoman Empire collapsed and new Turkish Government was founded, Turks expected every illiterate mountain tribe to pay taxes, get school education, stop fucking donkeys and stop marrying child brides. Kurds didn't like this idea; they wanted no education, no taxes, no restrictions to fuck their 8 year old cousins. Ban on being a furry was the last drop, so with the lead of Sheikh Said they gathered other donkey fucking Kurdish tribes and chimped out to bring Kurdo-Islamist Caliphate. The British helped the rebellion in order to get leverage against Turks in the post-war land haggling. So with British help, Kurds tried to zerg rush a terran city named Diyarbakır, however they got repelled with machine gun and mortar by numerically inferior Turks. Other rebels were brutally pacified with further military operations. Kurdo-Islamist Sheikh Said got defeated, arrested, then got permabanned IRL. With such a waste of military power, money and regional influence to stop K*rdish separatists; Turks had no choice but to hand over Mosul and Kirkuk to Britain. K*rdish tribes then realized Brits used them like a toilet paper and Turks flushed them down the drain.

Short history of secessionist movement

In 1980s, with external help, some Kurds founded a terrorist organization called PKK and began to create internal strife by killing Turks IRA style, in order to secede and get a separate country. This organization's head Apo was caught by Turkish commandos in Kenya and brought back in Turkey. The terrorist was going to get executed but European Union BAWWWed so much, that Turks removed death penalty altogether from constitution. He is in prison on an island to this very day. American supported Kurdish secessionist movement worked out in Iraq and partially in Syria. Turkey makes periodic military operations to these organization held soils. Every faction in Syrian Civil War hates Kurds and when the civil war ends, they are going to put an end to Kurds' suffering.


Government and Freedom[edit]

Ha ha you made me laugh giaour, now go to Silivri.

The government in Turkey is known for banning fucking everything.

Article 301[edit]

According to the Article 301 of the Turkish Penal Code, insulting "Turkishness" and insulting The Republic of Turkey gets you into jail for up to two years. You can contribute to it by copying the contributors of this article and sending the list to Turkish police by clicking here.

Youtube Ban[edit]

Article 301 of Turkish law states that no one may insult Turks or Turkish values, which makes them hopelessly vulnerable to trolling. A Greek once made a video about their national leader Ataturk and uploaded to YouTube, making some Turks go to court to ban the whole of Youtube instead of removal of single videos. Greeks are also known to send their fishing boats to the Turkish coastline to show them their middle fingers, tell them they are faggots, and run back to the Greek sea zone.

Banning Atheist Websites[edit]

The Islamist government of Turkey also bans local websites about atheism to "protect the citizens from going evil". [2][3]

Killing atheist authors[edit]

An atheist author, Turan Dursun, who was considered the local Richard Dawkins of Turkey, was killed in 1990. Since Erdogan became president, it has only gotten worse.

Banning pr0n[edit]

The ass-fisted Turkish government is known for banning all the fun things on the internet. The court often bans porn websites when they are sued and the owners of the porn sites are expected to defend themselves IRL even though they live in somewhere in a galaxy, far, far away. But a simple change to DNS settings is enough to watch porn ( - The government also makes many stupid mistakes.


The government is also working on banning abortion, as if all their faggotry above wasn't bad enough! Birth-control pills and condoms are over-taxed and already too expensive for lower classes to buy; all for "conservative" reasons. Over 9000 women have abortions every year in Turkey and with the new law, Turks will just go back to their best friend, coat hangers.

Tragedy of the Turks[edit]

On some Monday in 2010, an earthquake struck eastern Turkey and leveled a bunch of mud huts and tents, killing a lot of nobodies that no one gave a fuck about. The 30.0-megashock was in part engineered by George Lucas's crack teams at Lucasarts and ILM. After seeing that fucked up Turkish Star Wars shit, he felt he had no other recourse then to try to level Turkey. Survivors on site say the earthquake was presented in THX, and was better then any action scene present in the 3D film Avatar. Any earthquake in Turkey has a success rate of 1/ deaths.


Enjoy the following as you accompany some Turks on their day-to-day activities.

How turks may react

Traditional Turkish dancing

Some Turks moving a train

Kurds trying to learn English

Typical Turkish Dance
Dayam they hate those Kurds

As you can see most Turkish men have some sort of homosexual attraction to each other. Possibly due to the fact that Turkey holds the record for most cases of micropenis in the world and rubbing their male genitals together helps to ease the pain.

How to troll Turks[edit]

Posting this anywhere will help you easily discover if there is any Turk in the area.
Such trolling makes your website banned in Turkey
  1. Mention anything good about Serbia. Anything at all. Bonus points if you play an Accordion and sing REMOVE KEBAB.
  2. Say "Fuck Allah" or "Fuck Hz. Muhammed" (99% success rate!)
  3. Tell them the Turks killed 1.5 million Armos, hundred thousands of Assyrians and Greeks in 1915 until 1923 and 30,000 Kurds.
  4. Tell them that Turks stole their cuisine from the Greeks.
  5. Tell them that döner sucks and is a cheap copy of Greek gyros.
  6. Tell them that Atatürk was a Jewish, Albanian or Greek homosexual.
  7. Tell them that Southeastern Turkey will become a new state called Kurdistan. (Guaranteed to create an epic shitstorm by Turks from every political angle. After saying it, run like hell. Or you might get killed.)
  8. Tell them that Constantinople, the Black Sea Region, and all of Cyprus belongs to Greece.
  9. Tell them that Northeastern Turkey belongs to Armenia
  10. Say anything positive about Greece at all.
  11. Tell them that when fighting Kurds, the Turkish Army violates human rights worse than North Korea or Egypt.
  12. Tell them that they are Europe's Niggers.
  13. Ask them if they have fez and camels in their country and pray to Allah.
  14. Tell them that Midnight Express was a fantastic movie that brings to light problems in the Turkish justice and penal system.
  15. Tell them that your girlfriend went to Turkey one summer and got grossed out by all ogling, horny men and told this to her friends so that no white girl will ever come to Turkey again.
  16. Tell them that you're sick of his lazy relatives taking all the jobs in Frankfurt a.M.
  17. Tell them he's a thief and that his people should go back to fucking Central Asia.
  18. Tell them his country is very friendly towards Israel.
  19. Tell them Turkey is a second rate spear-carrier for the Great Satan.
  20. Tell them that Turkey will never be considered seriously for EU membership, no matter what they do, as Turkey is in Asia anyway, not Europe.
  21. Ask them how much he spent this month on gold chains and cologne.
  22. Refer to all the times Greece defeated them.
  23. Compare Turkish to Esperanto; make fun of its made-up Romanized alphabet.
  24. Tell that that Cenk Uygur is the greatest Turk who ever lived. LOL! "WHO THE FUCK IS CENK UYGUR?" WOULD BE 99,9% OF ALL THE RESPONSES. He is an Americanized liberal cuck in USA and he is not known in Turkey.
  25. Ask them that what Reno and Rude have been up to lately.
  26. Ask them repeatedly if you can buy some hash. Turkish weed is low quality, chemical sprayed, full of seed brushwood. One drag of that crappy joint can cause pulmonary disease.
  27. Tell them Turkey's national dog breed, the kangal (a very big dog which the Turks claim can kill a wolf, hyena or leopard single-handed,also cute as puppies), is in fact a Kurdish mongrel that stands no chance in a fight against an Armenian Gampr.
  29. Tell a Turkish girl she's "Kezban" and call her with that name everywhere.
  30. Ask them why they are unemployed.
  31. Refer to them as Arabs and Turkey as Middle East.
  32. Tell him that Kurds are better.
  33. Tell them that Turkey has only two Nobel prize winners; Orhan Pamuk who writes shitty novels, doesnt deny the Armenian Genocide and the Massacres of Kurds, and Aziz Sancar who found useless gibberish about DNA repair.
  34. Quote Aziz Nesin, a Turkish writer of boring dumbfuck short stories, an atheist and a survivor of the Massacre of Sivas; who said "Turkish people are coward, Turkish intellectuals are coward" and also said at least 60% of Turkish population is dumb.
  35. Speak about lowkey sluttiness of Turkish girls and women (most lose their virginity on Erasmus tour), especially in the presence of religious Muslim Turks.
  36. Tell them that the word Turk is an insult in many languages and that it was an insult for the Elite in The Ottoman Empire to be called as Turks.
  37. Mention the War Crimes of their Military during the Invasion and Occupation of Northern Cyprus, especially the Use of Naplam and the expulsion of the Greek Cyperiots.
  38. Tell them that Troja was discovered by a German. In fact, all of their ancient history was written and discovered by foreigners because they were too barbaric, nomadic and dumb for literacy.
  39. Tell them that Turks were a long time Military Slaves of Arabs and Persians.
  40. Tell them that the Ancestors of the Turks of today came form Central Asia and that they were orginally primitive cattle-breeding nomads, who were totally unrelated with ancient highly developed peoples like Sumerians, Hittites and Etruscans.
  41. Refer them as cockroaches.
  42. Tell them that no matter how Western they try to look, they will always be the sandniggers who will eventually get bombed.
  43. Insult Sultan Erdogan, even his haters will try to justify his actions by claiming that he got elected by the majority.
  44. Call them çomar.

The Turkish Language[edit]

I kiss you

Turkish is the babble-like language which was the only thing the Turks actually invented, and is the official language of Turkey. The actual Turkish language is like 20 short words, because until they met other tribes, they didn't have any cultural development. Some examples are am=pussy, piç=bastard, göt=ass, sik=cock=fucking etc. The original nouns are mostly about sex and food, which is a sign of how primitive the culture is. The shortest forms of verbs are given orders because people used to order each other around all the time in their barbarian history. Anyone who speaks it is retarded, because to speak it, you either have to be a dumb Turk, or you have actually believe that you can have a legible conversation with a Turk. Today, Turks don't even bother translating anything to Turkish because there's no demand for any quality "literature", technology or anything else by Turkish speakers. Nobody understood Turkish people until they started using Arabic script. What is even funnier, the current Turkish language is a rip-off of a Romanized alphabet and pieces of all middle eastern languages, Persian, Arabic, plus some bastardized American English.

Want proof? Here's a small sample of faggotic Turkish, as used on the Internet every day:

  • f0ck ur mom
  • f0ck u sisste
  • 10k plz
  • g0ld plz
  • lwl kaç
  • nooop
  • resss plis
  • lol herif sus lollolololl
  • U stopit
  • slm agalar
  • aga gold
  • aga a.q
  • fuck jew
  • ım from türkiş (pronounced like "umhamhhum tuhmhm")
  • fuck israil
  • fuck amerika
  • I kiss you
  • COK
  • are you sex
  • meme ac
  • anani sikerim oc
  • as bayraklari as as as as as... (that goes on)

Vlad Tepes Dracul's guide to making Authentic Turkish Döner Kebab[edit]

Isn't it ironic, that after making so much kebab, he became the kebab?

Vlad the Impaler learned so much from Turkish cuisine. So, he applied it to the art of dealing with Turks:

  1. Find a Turk (or the nearest Muslim).
  2. Force feed them onions, garlic and other strong spices.
  3. Impale them vertically in the ass for shits and giggles.
  4. Wait 4 days for them to marinade.
  5. When they're about to die, roast them.
  6. ???
  7. DÖNER KEBAB! Shave cooked outer layers, put garlic sauce and veggies, wrap in pita bread, and sell to the nearest German.
  8. ???
  9. PROFIT!
Vlad was decapitated by the Turks as a trophy, and his head was sent to Constantinople (now Istanbul) preserved in honey. After, the head was displayed on a stake as proof that he was dead.


—Bonfinius (Antonio Bonfini) and a Turkish chronicler, Wikipedia


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