Ultros

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Don't tease the Octopus, kiddies!
Superman's Pal, Mr. Chupon
Ultros raping NeoGAF's guild from Final Fantasy XIV. Before they moved to ResetERA.

Ultros (or sometimes Orthros) is a popular octopus villain from one of those Final Fantasy games. Final Fantasy VI to be exact. After his game ended, he took up a career in stand-up comedy, and with help from his pal Mr. Chupon Typhon, he shows off his routine for 4chan's /v/ daily. Ultros is arguably the best thing to come out of /b/ with video games since its creation. Relying mostly on puns, he's like a video game centered Jimmy Carr, only actually funny. Occasionally gaiafags will try to impersonate Ultros, reaching epic levels of fail in the process. Thankfully, you can easily tell the real Ultros from the impostors.

But most of the time, Ultros likes to stalk on women in hoping to rape their holes with his slimy purple tentacles.

Samples of Humor[edit]

  • Man, /v/, I just got back from a scat thread in /d/ and boy am I pooped.
  • I dunno, though, /v/. I don't trust these internet tests. People put too much importance on them. For instance, my friend Mr. Chupon just broke up with this girl because when they took the "WHAT FONT ARE YOU" test, she got Arial, and he got Garamond. Apparently she just wasn't his type.
  • Although, you know, I just can't get myself to play Guilty Gear XX. Yes, yes, I hear what you're telling me. "Ultros, it's a great game." I'm aware! "Ultros, there are totally hot women in it." I-no, I-no!
  • My advice, /v/. Don't buy the new Paperboy game. It just doesn't deliver.
  • I was replaying OOT the other day, and man, can that game be frustrating. I needed a chicken to float over to a piece of heart and I couldn't find one. I hate being cock-blocked.
  • But say what you will about his sexuality, that Link is a strong fellow! Very athletic, no sport too tough. I hear hockey is really his game, though. He has a killer hook shot.
  • There's going to be a new Ecco the Dolphin game. It's kind of strange for waiting so long to do another sequel, so I don't really see the porpoise . But then again I heard the developers are working on really deep gameplay.
  • I heard from an inside source that Ecco is trying to figure out why some of the fish are behaving poorly. Frankly I blame the schools.
  • Aw, /v/, you're too kind tonight, even if I do suspect some of you are laughing at my ocean jokes just for the halibut.
  • I guess it's good that other countries besides Japan are trying to make their own mark on the gaming industry. It just sucks that they need so much corporate funding. For instance, Ireland is trying to make a massive multiplayer game, but they have to cater to Hershey since that's their sponsor. I dunno, /v/. An M&M O'RPG?
  • Whew. I'm glad that one went over okay. Mr. Chupon said /v/ wouldn't like candy bar jokes, but at least SOME people Snickered.
  • Gaia? Is that like the hot chick from EVO that I'd like to, ah, brush up on? I hear you guys talking about her all the time. Maybe you should give it a rest. Come on, give a gaia break.

Ultros Theme[edit]

See Also[edit]

4chanarchive
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