Umineko

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The cover for this Mystery/Fantasy visual novel

Umineko No Naku Koro Ni (うみねこのなく頃に) is a shitty mystery/fantasy Visual Novel made by a talented individual ryoukishi007 that mimics an eroge Dating Sim but is actually just over 9000 hours of scrolling text with shitty art. Made into animu of the same name. Some argue this work to be the best visual novel ever written! While conveniently forgotting the fact that all visual novels are shit, and this one is no exception.

An over covoluted Plot nobody cares about

Believe it or not reading this entire autistic trainwreck takes at least 50 hours!! and that if you ignore the generic moonspeak voice acting and shitty powerpoint effects

But if you were brave or hated yourself enough to put you trough this, then beware... you're a faggot and will die alone.

1. the Sextale of the Golden bitch/aka: Clue for begginers

At the start of this self inflicted torture you are introduced to some rich filth of a family in the middle of boat while the sun shines in all his beauty. But since this isn't Alabama nor a porn, you won't be seeing any hate orgy going on, despite how much the weebs that actually wasted money on this crap wanted it to happen.

Despite being an apparent happy reunion you start to sense something obnoxious feeling in the air, and it's not just that bastard uncle Rufus just drop one his deadly soundless farts and expected no one to notice. Long story short, your entire family are gold hungry jews. And this whole trip it's just a facade to strip the gold from a dying old fuck.


To have a better grasp on this pile of shit i am obliged to present you the poor excuse of characters that this masterpiece has to offer, and trustt me there is a bloody lot, cause the lazy cunt of a writter believes in quantity over quality. So the sooner were done with this, the better.

Characters introduced in this episode

Ushiromiya Battler/aka: The libtard

The insufferable main character and lazy way for the author to pander the average weeb, who has to see himself as a handsome alpha male in order to feel safe while aprroaching the opposite gender. He's incapable or distrusting his own family so he has to make imaginary witches to blame for everything that happens to him. You might think that this specimen would be the first to get executed isis style on this kind of stories, sadly his plot armor won't let him eat a bullet, nor a vagina. He's propably adopted considerating he's the only redhead in the entire family

Ushiromiya George/aka: The one who have an affair with the maid

Nobody cares about this one really... He's just your average rich filth in a affair with the maid, no kidding, that's the only thing you need to know about him

Ushiromiya Jessica/aka: The useless one

The blonde inbreed tomboy of the family, you might we'll get something interesting from that description. However the only thing important thing about her is: You guessed it! She's in love with the male servant. He friendzoned her though, showing he is smarter than george whom balls are gonna run down the pavement once his elitist mother finds out about his affair. She likes touhou

Ushiromiya Maria/aka: The school shooter in the making

The loli of the group and the obligatory sick fuck of the family. Known for being the creepy kid who just stands in a corner humming my chemical romance songs.


The story begins with the regular bullshit japanese piece-of-life introduction to a japanese family going to an annual family Orgy.

They notice a hueg portrait has been placed with a portrait of the witch Beatrice is placed in the hall by their batshit insane grandpa along with an epitath with clues as to where he hid the Jew Gold The fun begins when they all begin to die in lulzy ways described in the epitath.

DRAMA

Many a weeaboo have commited suicide when the final, 8th part of the game was released to reveal the bullshit shmalayan plot twist at the end after spending Over 9000 monies to import it from japanese jews. This is highly prevalent on /a/ and animesuki forums.

How to troll fans

See Also

Links

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Umineko is part of a series on 日本国


Typical Japanese people. 日本人
Hard GayOtoya YamaguchiMutsuo Toi Satoshi Uematsu

Typical Japanese Culture. 日本の人文
Big DaikonAnimeManga2chanHerbivore MenJapanese Bug FightsShimajiroAnimu ArchetypesDating sim

Typical Japanese Porn. 日本の猥本
BukkakeHarem ComedyHentaiGuroPantyshotShotaconLoliconYaoiYuri

Umineko is part of a series on Dying Alone

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