Upper Decker is surely the most spectacular bathroom prank EVER, the true WMD of bathroom pranks.
The "Upper Decker" is lulzier than the timeless classic "wreaking the bathroom" where one simply explodes in a public restroom destroying everything they can in a short amount of time before casually walking out, leaving the joint and the people who have to clean it in total annihilation.
The "Upper Decker" is the act of defecating in the top tank of a toilet. When the next unsuspecting person flushes the toilet they get a bowl of beef stew or a top tank clogged with a log. More often than not the log becomes wedged under the stopper preventing the top tank from filling up and triggering the shutoff valve, thus leaving the poor schmuck with the duty of dislodging it or having the bottom, turd-filled bowl overflow.
How is it done?
- 1. Turn on the sink if possible to help mask the sounds of the dirty deed.
- 2. Stealthily remove the lid from the back tank of the toilet.
- 3. Stand on the toilet seat and steady your cheeks directly above the back tank.
- 4. Begin defecating while trying to keep as quiet as possible.
- 5. When finished wipe all remaining fecal spatter from your anus and hide the used toilet paper. Between the pages of a magazine or under the bathroom sink is a good hiding place. (or just leave it in the top tank.)
- 6. Quietly replace the lid to the back tank of the toilet.
- 7. Casually exit the bathroom and perhaps even the premises.
- 8. ????.
- 9. PROFIT
PROTIP: For extra points and many lulz, remove the chain from the flush handle so they have to reach into the shit-water to get the toilet to work.
When should I use it?
Preferably when you have to shit and also have a score to settle. Receiving bad service in a restaurant is a good reason to Upper Deck. One may also pull a Upper Decker for no reason at all. The most satisfying Upper Decker is the one where you know exactly who will find it and most likely have to clean up after it. Pick your times wisely but remember you only live once so never skip a chance to leave an Upper Decker.
Or, even better
- Step 1: Acquire an old vinyl record sleeve.
- Step 2: Acquire diarrhea, so eat shit that gives you the shits.
- Step 3: Shit in the old empty record sleeve.
- Step 4: Slide under somebody's door who you hate, with the opening inside their house.
- Step 5: Jump on the record sleeve as hard as you can.
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