Utada Hikaru

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ED CLEANER 2.jpg This article needs a serious clean up

Somebody should do something about it.

Billymays1.png
Hikki's proud to be a retarded Jap

Utada Hikaru is every Wapanese 16 year old girl's goddess/an hero. Meaning, like Linkin Park, Tatu, and Evanescence, you can expect over 9000 AMV's featuring her shitty songs. As it turns out, she is also called the Britney Spears of Japan. Meaning she has no talent, a cult-following consisting of retarded fans, and one shitty voice. She's been given the nickname Hikki by these retarded fans, and I think that speaks loud enough on its own.

Apparently she became a big hit to Wapanese everywhere after the release of Kingdom Hearts. We all know that if she hadn't done the theme songs for both games, nobody would have given a shit about her, and would realize that her singing is about as whiny and as annoying as Amy Lee.


Her Creative Lyrics[edit]

Utada Hikaru is about as creative when it comes to writing lyrics as Paris Hilton is creative in general. Fans argue that her lyrics consist of a deeper meaning and that if you understood Japanese, you would enjoy her songs. Let's observe these "deep lyrics" then. Here's a piece from her song "Easy Breezy", which apparently is about either her being a slut (this is believable) or her boyfriend telling people how much of a bad lay she was. One thing is for certain: nobody cares.

"I still remember the ways that you touched me

Now I know I don't mean anything to you

You're easy breezy and I'm Japanesey

Soon you'll mean exactly nothing to me

Does that mean anything to you?"


She's just asking for it

Yeah. I'm not making it up. She said Japanesey (moar liek JapanEASY, amirite?). Deep lyrics indeed... What exactly is she trying to say? Apparently the only thing that could be considered "deep" about this song is the fact that some Pedobear molested her. What the fuck is Japanesey?

And it doesn't stop there. Here's some more powerful and deep lyrics for you. This time, it's a line from the song "Sanctuary", the theme song from Kingdom Hearts 2 (with that in mind, you know this song is already made of fail:


In you and I there's a new land,

Angels in flight

*some random shit sung backwards*

My sanctuary, my sanctuary, yeah

Where fears and lies melt away

Music inside

*more random shit backwards (OMG SO KAWAII DESU ^_^)*

What's left of me

What's left of me now


Deep meaning? You sure about that? The bolded line just seemed fucking random and out of place if anything.


With her new English language album, Utada has also displayed her socially responsible nous with the following lyrics


When I'm alone at night

I sit and fantasize

And in my fantasies I love you long time


thereby ignoring the fact that when 'love you long time' appeared in Full Metal Jacket it was said by a Veitnamese hooker, and encouraging the belief that all AZNs are in effect the same. And are probably all hookers.

Also worth noting that Utada writes most of the songs that she sings. And considering that she writes shitty songs, she is either a retard or needs someone to write for her, because she is doing it wrong.

Her Music Videos[edit]

Most of the time, her videos consist of her walking around, staring off into space, talking, and doing nothing interesting. In one particular shitty music video (known as "Hikari"), Utada does nothing throughout the video except wash dishes. What the fuck. It is debatable that this might be behind the engrish name of the song; "Simple and Clean". Much like Utada's brain, along with those dishes. Still, WHAT THE FUCK?!

Did You Know...?[edit]

...That she raped a Green Day song? No really, as if Green Day wasn't raped enough as it is.

Anybody who didn't find that shitty (AKA: All of her fans) should kill themselves

She also raped a U2 song as well. Go figure. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT U2 SUCK COCKS ANYWAY

Trolling the Fans[edit]

WEEOO-WEEOO-WEEOO-WEEOO!

Since Utada Hikaru is serious business, her fans are willing to sacrifice their credibility in order to defend her (Mohama, is a perfect example of this). Offending the fans requires no effort at all. You won't even have to flame in order to piss them off. Just do the following:

An example of the typical responses from fans whenever someone trolls them.
  • Go to Jewtube
  • Look up any music video or AMV that relates to Utada Hikaru in some way.
  • Write in the comment box "God, Utada can't sing." or "This song is stupid".
  • Check your e-mail. Much like the Evanescence fans, you should have over 9000 hate e-mails from angry Utada Hikaru fans.

Watch the drama unfold on this video. Moar as the lulz develop.

Common responses from Utada Hikaru fans tend to be along the lines of "If you don't like her then stop listening to her music!" or "Keep your thoughts to yourself!" (with many typos and horrible grammar, of course). This is usually copied and pasted over 9000 times and gets boring very quickly. Every now and then a voice of reason will show up, but their words are buried under a million comments like this one:


   
 
Your an angry individual!you should get yourself to your Doctors,he can probably prescribe you something.There are probably some anger management classes in your area too,pull up a website or something.Like i said before,we know that she isen't the best singer, for christ's sake who is?? maybe you need to go back to school to learn to read,or maybe you are at school, pre-school! now i see that your a trouble maker too,telling us we need to stop worshipping her, patronizing peon!
 

 
 

—ZeR0toL3rAnC3

A typical Utada Hikaru Fanboy girl lol WTF

Drama sightings[edit]

The biggest source of Utada Hikaru drama and plenty of butthurt fans was at a subpar LiveJournal community known as STFU_Utada. Chances are it was made only to piss off the fans. And it has succeeded.

Click here for moar lulz.

See Also[edit]


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