Vader

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Did You Know: This page is not about Darth Vader, that fat wrestler name Vader, or the Polish heavy metal band Vader.


RIP

Vader was a cute pet fox that was murdered by an angry mob of lying progressive animal rights-types who resided on, where else, Tumblr.

Death of Vader[edit]

Tumblrinas thought having a pet fox constituted "abuse", so some falsely reported to the police of having been bitten by Vader. After that, the police seized the fox and euthanized it.


   
 
Several days ago, a fellow fox owner and dear friend received an anonymous message through Tumblr threatening to report Vader as a vicious animal. Unfortunately, these threats are something nearly every exotic pet owner has experienced. Thinking it was just another internet crazy, she deleted the message. Like many foxes, Vader had never left his home property for anything other than a vet trip. One would assume in order to file a report, you would need some proof. Apparently that isn’t the case in North Dakota.

Last night, animal control officers and local police showed up at her door and, without a warrant, seized Vader. The reason given was that they had received an “anonymous bite report”. The person who physically took Vader was not a trained animal control officer, but rather a local cop. Wearing thick gloves, he cornered Vader and picked him up by the scruff of the neck. The cop had previously been advised multiple times on how to properly handle Vader (or any animal, for that matter) but decided to disregard the advice not only of his owner, but animal control officers as well. Out of fear, Vader bit his glove but did not puncture the material. Staff at Animal Control reported he was wagging his tail whenever he was fed and being friendly with everyone who interacted with him.

Vader’s owner made several calls to the North Dakota Board of Animal Health, Department of Health and local police department. All three assured her because they had no proof of punctured flesh in either incident, and that the cop had horrifically botched the seizure, Vader would be safe and they were just holding him to make sure he wasn’t exhibiting signs of any contagious diseases. A few hours ago, the police showed up with Vader’s collar. Animal Control had euthanized him without a hearing or proper medical screening, stating that they had evidence that the person from the Tumblr report had legitimately been bitten.

The “evidence” the animal rights activist from Tumblr submitted was a photo of an animal bite either doctored or taken straight from Google.
 


 
 

—Tumblr, on Vader's demise.

Gallery[edit]

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See also[edit]

External links[edit]

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