Vistaprint

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Vistaprint is a popular non-fraudulent online print-shop for freeloaders. It's popularity has largely grown due to giveaways such as FREE businesscards, pens and mugs. In order to obtain these goodies, you have to visit the Vistaprint Maze of Adventures, also known as their website. On paper the company is situated in Holland due to being a tax haven, but it could be situated on Mars for all we care. They care deeply about their customers. Hurry! These offers won't last forever. To ensure that you get these great discounts - ORDER NOW!

The Vistaprint Maze of Adventures[edit]

Vistaprint is great in providing choices, a degree of freedom unsurpassed by other online print stores. subscribe to our newsletter? Just find a 'topdeal' URL, subscribe to our newsletter?, and then use the following advanced trickery to get you free product. subscribe to our newsletter?.

In case of ordering a Free Mug do the following:

  1. type in the special and exclusive URL for your Free mug.
  2. subscribe to our newsletter?
  3. You see a couple of mugs here, and two links to order the same mug for 9 or 15 dollars; thats not what you want.
  4. Search for the mug with a 'mouse-symbol', click it and upload your own images.
  5. subscribe to our newsletter?
  6. Finish the upload, verify and choose this design (click on the uploaded image) and subscribe..
  7. Do not use graphics on the back; you want the vistaprint logo to appear on your warez
  8. please uncheck this to not pay us 15 dollar for nothing every month. -- wait what?
  9. fill in your addy, your cc data, and hit submit.
  10. Vistaprint says: YOU JUST SAVED $14.53!!! You just became happy about your purchase...
  11. Your free, fully customized product has cost you either:
    1. 10 dollars for shipping in 21 days
    2. 3 dollars for rear printing, 9 for a custom design 16 for shipping in 9 days
    3. 3 dollars for rear printing, 15 for your own image, 21 for shipping in 3 days and a monthly recurring 15 via a partner program (also vistaprint with another name)
    4. Conclusion: The higher the price, the lower your intelligence. It's only fair.
  12. Finished! You just got mugged :)

Customer Drama[edit]

A 200 page short epic of Vistaprint's business ethics is located at ConsumerAffairs. Vistaprint's management is laughing their asses off, and so can you. Each page has about 300 dollars of complaints... that makes up 60,000 dollars but that's nothing compared to the worldwide value of lulz generated daily.

Here are some random snippets:

  • Paying 225 dollars for 250 FREE business cards! "Just like all of the customers listed before me, I placed one order for 250 free business cards over a year ago and paid for shipping costs only to find out that I was being billed monthly for 14.95 until this month and the amount jumped to 17.95. I did not agree to do anything but accept the 250 free cards in exchange for the shipping costs. I've paid over 225 for nothing." -- Brooke of Enterprise, AL February 26, 2010
  • Free email: "I ordered a "free" one month e-mail marketing and website, and guess what? I can`t cancel it. There is no phone number or e-mail contact to do so!!! Thnk you I didn`t order the business card too." -- Adam of Beverly, MA February 3, 2010
  • Quality Products!: "I bought business cards - mat finish. They look like they were printed on a home computer. Illegible and poorly "papercut." You get what you pay for. Shoddy on every level." JIM of ANN ARBOR, MI January 14, 2010

Some other quotes from the pool, copypasta'd uppercase messages:

  • This is a blatant RIPOFF!
  • NEVER EVER USE VISTA PRINT AGAIN.
  • SPAM - TWICE a DAY
  • DO NOT ORDER ANYTHING FROM THIS COMPANY!!
  • THREE WEEKS LATER I got my 14 bucks back.
  • And etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, ad infinitum.

Further reading[edit]