Volunteer Ministers

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Scilons on the prowl
Scilons getting in the way at WTC
One of the many Scilons that zoomed over to VTech
Hurricane Katrina. "The 'org' is just up the street. Don't worry, you can be 'on staff' and have a place to live."

Scientology's "Volunteer Ministers" are there to take advantage of disasters and tragedies in order to promote Scientology to a grief-stricken populace, all while wearing yellow t-shirts and jackets. Their aim is to look like caring helpful people. Their real goal is to sign more vulnerable people up to Scientology so they can exploit them financially and emotionally. If anyone says otherwise the "Ministers" will sue, stalk and harass them until they retract their claims. Be sure to check out their official manual.

Scilons did WTC[edit]

The Volunteer Ministers were "there" for New York after 9/11: The firemen did okay; The Scilons were the real heroes, protecting the victims from evil Psychiatrists who were trying to administer on-the-spot lobotomies and electroshock. The USA's National Mental Health Association (NMHA) issued a public warning in response to the conduct of Scientologists in the immediate aftermath of 9/11, claiming that Scientologists were "Intentionally confusing the public" by presenting themselves as mental health service providers.

According to NMHA President Michael Faenza, "The public needs to understand that the Scientologists are using this tragedy to recruit new members. They are not providing mental health assistance."

Better than science[edit]

These are a few dozen people who, as a group, rush to disaster sites around the world in order to prevent the victims from receiving appropriate mental health care. When the World Trade Center collapsed, they rushed there to find victims they could further victimize. Those victims included the people injured during and after the disaster, the people working to save the trapped and injured, and the city government who was paying for that rescue effort. To Scientology® Inc., this was a FANTASTIC BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY.

What they do[edit]

Moments after something bad happens, whether it be a plane crash, a huge earthquake or a school shooting, anywhere in the world, the Scilon team jets to the scene. While fending off the teams of "Psychs" (basically, anyone offering normal mental health counseling or therapy to people whose whole families might have just been killed, or something else on this scale), the Volunteer Ministers grab a victim or rescue worker and start giving them "touch assists®," a sort of creepy, inappropriate massage. Next, they try to make the victim purchase a copy of Dianetics. If the victims are tsunami victims who normally live in huts on the beach, the Scilons just give them "stress tests" and pamphlets and the address of the nearest "org."

People across the globe are singing their praises[edit]

Real rescue workers and human rights organizations call them "Vulture 'Ministers," since they show up just as everyone is dead or dying. "Touch assist," anyone?

Where you might have seen some Volunteer Ministers[edit]

Listen[edit]

Xenu homeboy.pngVolunteer Ministers is part of a series on ScientologyXenu homeboy.png

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LOL TECH:

DianeticsDisconnectionChild abuseSaint HillScientology's History of the UniverseSec CheckFreewindsSea OrgGlossaryReligious Freedom WatchVolunteer MinistersOSASpace Opera

SCILONS:

L. Ron HubbardDavid MiscarriageTom CruiseJoy VillaScientology AgentsTommy DavisRogues GallerySuri CruiseTerryeoHeaven's GateThe RegimeEvil Jacket GuyJoe FeshbachCharles MansonVaLLarrrTom NewtonJohn CarmichaelFreezoneCaptain Bill RobertsonDanny MastersonWill SmithOschaperKendrick MoxonTim ArmerJorge SerranoRon SaveloJohn TravoltaJett Travolta

NOTORIOUS SPs:

AnonymousWise Beard ManJason BegheGas Mask GirlMagooNew Zealand Fail GuyMessage from ScientologyShawn LonsdaleRorschachMoralfagsLeaderfagsRaidfag WenchJames PackerEpic Nose GuyLeah ReminiSusan J. ElliottStu WyattTommy GormanThe Unknown AutobotPsychiatristsMarcab ConfederacyDavid Wu-KapauwEpic Sword GuyAgent Pubeit

ENTURBULULZ:

PROJECT CHANOLOGYWhy We Protest ForumsA Scientologist's Guide to 4chanThe GeteratorPaul "Fetch" CarnesReligionIsFree.orgYou Found the Card/i/alt.religion.scientologyComplete binge of LEAKED SCILON DOX888chan