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WWII Online, A.K.A. "Battleground Europe", A.K.A. "World War Two Online", A.K.A. "Oh Shit! We should have got the name right the first time", is a MMORPG known to not only pwn Windows-based PCs but also Apple Macs, people's IRL lives, and even relationships. It was programmed by Cornered Rat Studios for the lulz. People actually pay $17.99 for it monthly - which is really quite lulzworthy in itself. It describes itself as a World War Two-era MMOFPS with MMORPG elements. However, everyone knows it's a 750mb Trojan designed to kill you.
Some time ago, Cornered Rat Studios ran out of weed and needed to do something creative. They decided to code the lamest excuse for an online FPS game since Counter-Strike. On release, the game was so buggy that it gave birth to insects and even started to smell of rancid excrement. Once downloaded and installed, there was no escape and thousands of mostly neo-Nazi Eurofags fell for the anal intrusion. As the years went by the game received constant updates from an invisible hive mind. Cornered Rat Studios have since been found, skinned alive, and thrown into cellars filled with salt over this crime against users of the tubes.
WWII Online now flourishes thanks to the number of fat, neo-Nazi basement dwellers who are willing to play it. They pay $17.99 a month because they believe the money is funding the underground Fourth Reich.
The bottom line with WWII Online is, that in reality it was the first true MMOFPS game to hit the internet. It also boasts a level of combined-arms, teamwork orientated, tactical planning and combat that remains unrivalled by any other game. It's for mature, patient gamers willing to be a part of a large-scale battle and commit to a long, realistic campaign. It's also totally persistent; meaning all victories or defeats will have an impact on the outcome of the war - and alter the front lines appropriately. Wait, no. It is actually shit because like, "WHERE IS MY M1 GARAND!!!!1111 OMG11 ThiS GamME SucKZz! I PreferR Medal of HONor on my playstation!1" - anonymous 13 year-old gamer.
Types of Players
- Nazi - The majority of WWII Online players, they will always play as the Germans and form clans like "The 7th SS" and "Armored Core". They will drive tanks and will spend 5 hours a day on average arguing on the game forums over why Germany lost the war.
- N00b - Anyone who plays as the allies(Alliban) in this game is a n00b by association. Regardless of skill, allied players are n00bs, apparently.
- Mac User - Players who are running WWII Online via a Mac so therefore insist on maintaining the moral high ground. Instead of actually playing the game they will often just get into arguments on the talk bar channels, trying to intellectually checkmate PC gamers with their pretentious Mac bullshit.
- [email protected] - Anyone who manages to kill you in WWII Online must apparently be a "haxxor". This is because, unless they were hacking, it would have been impossible for them to have killed you.
- Squad player - Squads try to organize things in this game, but I mean... what's the point? Squad players are willing to take orders from either Nazis or whiny 13 year-old Eastern Europeans on shitty Dells whose connections keep dropping.
This game has so many vehicles! It will blow your fucking mind.
- Tanks (big and l33t ones and shitty ones)
- Planes that fire machine guns but don't have missiles... what?
- Trucks... yes!
- Boats (apparently)
- Infantry (Duh) with guns and knives and fucking H-Grenades!
How Battles Play Out
1) Allies attempt to attack a German held town.
2) Allies are repelled, beaten back to FBs (forward bases) and then mostly log out crying on the talk bar: "I am quiting this shitty game", only to log back on again later to do it all again.
3) Nazis jerk off about their "OMG!!!L33t" victory and continue reading Mein Kampf with one hand whilst stroking their rods with the other.
4) Allied air support arrives late, players whine some more on global channels, and everyone blames the mods.
Germans attack a town and take it due to the lack of Allied players defending...
Trivia and Facts
- If it wasn't for the dated graphics, poor animation, monthly fees, interface, community, lack of character customization, bugs, exploits, serious frame rate issues, serious compatibility issues, lag, and box artwork WWII Online would probably be the bEsteSt gAmE evar made!
- WWII Online is fun for precisely 3 minutes.
- You either drive a tank or fly a plane or you die.
- The map is Xbox HUEG!!!111.
- No girls play this game - obviously.
- Apparently, according to the forums and playerbase, this game is serious business.
The WWII Online Forums
The forums are only available to paid up subscribers($17.99/month WTFBBQ) and have all the freedom of a Bad Korea gulag. Notable is the Off Topic forum, which has a collection of exceedingly jaded and vengeful trolls that enjoy invading and raping other "lesser" forums, including the other WWII Online forums such as The Barracks and The Hanger.
One such raid on the Heroes and Generals Off Topic Forum resulted in mass bans, suspension of Off Topic posts counting toward your collective post count, a 15 year old Mod getting in trouble from his mother for boobs being posted(his PC was in the living room) and a TOS that could sink a ship. It also heralded a minimum post of 20 characters, and 1 minute delay between posts. Full TOS here:
Barracks: bitching and moaning.
Hanger: Bitching and moaning at altitude.
Harbour: Navy "love".
Motor Pool: Armoured whining.
Axis discussions: Nazi meet ups(Nazi is a banned word on the entire forum)
Allied discussions: 13 year olds doing Internet tough guy impersonations, having just returned from their 7th tour of Afghanistan where they have been doing "wet work".
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