Wade Michael Page
Wade Michael Page was an heroic neo-Nazi MySpace band member, notable for shooting up a temple and killing at least five Muslim terrorists, cleverly disguised as Sikhs. Although he tried to clear the world of Sikhs mistaken for Muslims, all he really did was rid the world of another neo-Nazi MySpace band. And nothing of value was lost.
After further investigation, the feds discovered that he was a former sergeant of the US Army (who, by the way, had shitloads of tattoos in his arms, most of them depicting 9/11 terrorist attack and racist symbols), and had a brilliant career while repairing Hawk missiles before proceeding to perform Psy Ops in Texas. Afterwards, he was stripped of all rank and told to GTFO the Army for bad behaviour. He discovered metal music and learned to express his thoughts concerning the Islamic faith, which is, according to him, "a vehicle for hypcocrisy and tirany" [sic]. Thus, he founded End Apathy, his very own group.
He suddenly felt the need to expose a dread truth to the world. Those Muslims were pretending to be pacifists... but, deep inside, he knew that they did WTC. So he refreshed his army skills and grabbed the nearest 9mm handgun, because gunfire is always the most reasonable method of reaffirming white supremacy
On August 5th, 2012 around 10 a.m., Page had finally had enough of the putrid, shit-inducing, smell of Indian food that filled the beautiful Milwaukee air that fine morning. Grabbing the nearest boomstick, Wade decided to follow the golden path laid by the many an heroes that had come before him. Page made haste to the nearest hotbed for Muslim terrorism, the local Sikh temple. This hardcore motherfucker was ready to bust up in that bitch and make his attempt to beat the high score. Wade managed to kill only 6
people Indians, all over age of 40, and only one woman. Needless to say, Pedobear didn't give a fuck.
At this point, the mods showed up with hard ons in hand to V& his skinhead ass. Knowing this, W.M.P. readied his gat to to take down any challenger. The challenger came in the form Brian Murphy, a street-smart, hard-boiled cop, who didn't take shit from nobody. Adolf Jr. then proceeded to shoot Murphy not once, not twice, but TWELVE FUCKING TIMES!!!!1!!!!!1. Either Murphy got shot in both feet 7.5 times or he's the FUCKING TERMINATOR because that bastard would not die. Perhaps if Mr.Page would have taken some time off from being a Neo-Nazi fuckface and took a break from playing that shitty, terrible, ass bleeding, "music", then he might have learned that even in Cocks of Doodie you still have to aim for the fucking head. After dishing out much win, Wade was shot in his stomach by a sick, sadistic, twisted pig who obviously wanted to see him FINISH HIMself. The sick fuck saw his dream come true when Page had decided that all the lulz had been had and it was time to log out IRL. By the way, most of this shit was caught on tape and was just recently released by the sick fucks at the Oak Creek Police Department probably deliberately to give ED some visual Viagra.
An hero? Or not An hero. That is the question.
While first reported by the news that the always protectin', always servin' Oak Creek PD had in fact pwned Page, the kind, loving people that brought you Waco, Ruby Ridge, Timothy McVeigh, and JFK have said that he took the Cobain way out after being shot in the arm by the pigs. This is highly probable, but one must nevar trust The Man.
|Kill count:||6/20 4 injured|
|Accuracy:||10/20 That army training was a waste of time.|
|Style:||5/20 Generic shootout|
|Butthurt:||10/20 noone cares; mass shootings happen daily now.|
|Bonus:||15/20 Trolled India hard, somehow.|
|Total Score: 51/100 (F)|
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- Anders Breivik - someone who got it right.
- Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath - another wannabe neonazi poser.
- Eric Harris - this kid at least got some frags on his way out.
- Jeff Weise - not as much as he did, though.
- High Score
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