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The Swamp, formerly known as Washington, D.C. and commonly referred to as the District of Cuckistan, or simply Douche City, is the capital of the Divided States of America and also The New World Order. Located in a humid dung infested marsh stolen from pansy state Murderland, the District's swamp-ass conditions facilitates ripe breeding grounds for sweaty Lobbyists and crook Politicians who cocksuck for cash. D.C. is also best known for its high crime rate, rate of AIDS, and perpetual NFL doormat, the Washington Redskins.
Famous DC Residents - Past, Present, and Future
- Donald Trump - though he prefers to live in his fabulous tower in NYC.
- Barack Obama
- Al Gore (ha ha ha ha ha !!!!11!!)
- Karl Rove
- Tom Delay
- Trent Lott
- Warren G. Harding
- Fugazi (band of gaylords)
- Michele Bachmann
- Newt Gingrich
- Dave Chappelle, a white supremacist nigga
- Killhamster (from Richmond, aka "DC Junior")
- Riboflavin (Fairfax, aka "DC's liver")
- George Washington (allegedly deceased)
- Abraham Lincoln (allegedly deceased)
- Ronald Reagan (deceased since 2004, and to the sadness of republicans is still dead.)
- Lyndon Johnson (definitely deceased but still voting for himself)
- Dick Cheney (tragically not deceased)
- Jimmy Carter (Baptist)
- Gerald Ford (finally deceased!)
- Ted Stevens (ditto)
- Henry Waxman✡
- Bill Clinton and his carbuncle Hillary Clinton
- Bernie Sanders✡
- Todd Akin
- Seth Rich✡ (suicided by Hilldawg, see above)
- Jew Lieberman✡
- Jim Bunning
- John Kerry, a noteworthy horse
- Lyndon LaRouche
- John Allen Muhammad (Weapons expert)
- Earl Timothy Gooch (Ain't scared of them bitches, likes pork chops, alcohol, and boys)
- Chandra Levy✡ deceased famous missing white girl, posthumously named the Washington DC all-time hide and seek champion. Turns out she was murdered by an illegal immigrant who is now living in the relative comfort of an American prison
- Henry Rollins, who GTFO and ended up moving somewhere worse
Law and Government
Due to the high concentration of bureaucratic fucks, it is illegal to polish a handgun while chain-smoking in one of DC's many gay bars. In a series of concessions to the criminal community, mugging, panhandling, and public urination are tolerated and actively encouraged by local police.
Adams Morgan - Home of your average frat drunk douchebag. In the summer, each bar sponsors it's own date raep team that competes against all the other teams. The team that has the most rapes by the end of the summer gets a trophy. Madams Organ has won 10 years in a row.
Anacostia - Jampacked with nigras and, consequently, home to over 9000 chicken joints, liquor stores and pawn shops but no supermarkets. Literally no honkies for miles. However, due to the residents' easy access to hookers and blow makes Anacostia one of the most convenient places to live, since every person that you see will have access to either or both. National capital of ruin.
Columbia Heights - Here be an awkward mix of spics and yuppies moving into expensive newly built condos which are squeezing out the aforementioned spics. The only place you're more likely to get killed by a machete than a bullet.
—Jim McGreevey, former governor of New Jersey about being a colossal faggot
This also proves that Judaism leads to sodomy.
Palisades - Much like Georgetown, but more boring and full of rapists.
U Street See Columbia Heights, only with nigras instead of spics. Also plenty of gays and Whole Foods.
Important Things That Came Out of DC
- sXe ,emo, and east coast punk music
- P.A. Palace
- Late Night Rapists
- National Security Agency
- [email protected]
- Gun control
- Health Care Rage
- Federal Reserve
- Net Neutrality
- Republican anything
- !!!!!Ron Paul!!!!!
- Supreme Court
- Murrilund drivers
- planes hitting bridges/rivers
The District is a fucking magnet for dumbass tourists who have a collective IQ that makes Forest Gump seem like Albert fucking Einstein by comparison. This should be obvious because anyone who would find shit white buildings and getting mugged in broad daylight remotely attractive has to be pretty down low there on the evolutionary scale. Tourists in DC come from all walks of life, everything from nostalgic oldfags to mothers who refuse to go anywhere without their crying and screaming devilspawn. No matter where you go in the District, you are guaranteed to run into at least one motherfucker who will do something incredibly moronic that will manage to either make or fuck up your day.