Jews/Who is a Jew?

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The Jew is immunized against all dangers: one may call him a scoundrel, parasite, swindler, profiteer, it all runs off him like water off a raincoat. But call him a Jew and you will be astonished at how he recoils, how injured he is, how he suddenly shrinks back: “I’ve been found out.”
 

 
 

—Joseph Gobbels

Nuvola
Moar info: Jews.
Patent pending
Jew loop.gif

Who is a Jew? is perhaps the foremost question facing the human race in the 21st Century. There are about six million different ways of calculating Wikipedia Favicon.png whether someone is a Jew. It is a little known fact that any, all, or none of these rules can be applied by the Jew in order to hide his immorality from the concerned public. This is why the various methods were invented by the Jew in the first place. While you are busy arguing over what constitutes a Jew, the Jew is busying himself with more usury, greed, and race-mixing.

The only way to answer the question “Who is a Jew?” is to find out whether you are talking to a human being or a Jew. The information in this article has been carefully collated by experts and field-tested to a high degree of reliability. Slip one of the following into casual conversation, and watch for reactions. If you witness horror, shock, anger, miserliness, or outrage, you may be assured that you have detected a Jew hiding in your social circle. Once you have detected the Jew, you may move onto neutralization. This is best performed on the spot, with light artillery. Or, if you live in a state with modern laws, you may wish to call the authorities to have it humanely destroyed.

The only certain thing is that you must act quickly. Like his more advanced descendant, the rat, the Jew is a ferocious opponent when cornered. However, the Jew method of combat is to undermine your neighborhood by bussing in packs of homeless niggers, raising your rent, opening pornographic cinemas in the area, and allowing destitution and demoralization to gradually force you from his conquered territory.

N.b., it is commonly supposed that Jews charge themselves with electricity by frequently rubbing their hands together, enabling them to shoot lightning bolts at their foes. This can be discounted as a myth, since it would mean a Jew was freely giving away a valuable commodity.

Things the Jews hate[edit]

jews did racemixing
Too late!
The first method of Jew-detection is the simplest. You simply have to mention a subject that is anathema to the Zionic Peril. You may choose appropriately from the following list of topics, themes, and activities, using them as the situation demands.


  • Taking away their Jewgold.
  • Jesus.
  • Freedom of speech (especially if it doesn't suit their own agenda).
  • Arabs.
  • Questioning the Lulzercaust.
  • Working hard for their money.
  • Eric Hunt (Holocaust denier).
  • Zyklon B.
  • Physical labor.
  • Adblock
  • The Germans.
  • David Irving.
  • Ernst Zündel.
  • Minimum wage.
  • Republics.
  • Cats.
  • Jobs.
  • The Muslims.
  • Matzohs with swastikas.
  • Fighting their own wars.
  • Animal welfare.
  • VNN forums.
  • Gas ovens.
  • White people.
  • Paper money.
  • Stormfront.
  • Christians.
  • Piracy
  • Praising Hitler.
  • Mel Gibson.
  • Shaving their facial hair.
  • Criticizing Israel.
  • You.

Why Jews suck[edit]

   
 
One cannot defend himself against the Jew. He attacks with lightning speed from his position of safety and uses his abilities to crush any attempt at defense.
 

 
 

—(Ibid)

Refreshing jew tears.jpg
Yummy!

Typically, the Jew will now demand in his shrill and nasal whine that you justify your opposition to his continued existence. Fortunately, this is not difficult. You can more or less stick a pin in the following list at random to choose your counter-argument.

  • They're Jews (DUH!).
  • They killed Jesus.
  • The killed Tupac.
  • They lie, cheat and deceive.
  • They always whine about the Holocaust.
  • As said before, they make up a small percentage of the population but control the world's wealth.
  • They steal your money.
  • They invented taxation.
  • They are ugly.
  • They always kiss up to the niggers and fags.
  • They made Justin Bieber famous
  • They always bitch about how "oppressed" they are.
  • They never work.
  • The men have small dicks.
  • They did WTC.
  • They eat shitty food.
  • The women are usually golddigging whores.
  • Their noses are too big.

Fun facts about Jews[edit]

   
 
Nothing could be more mistaken than to defend oneself. That is just what the Jew wants. He can invent a new lie every day for the enemy to respond to, and the result is that the enemy spends so much time defending himself that he has no time to do what the Jew really fears: to attack.
 

 
 

—(ibid)

At this point, the Jew will demand concrete evidence of your continued resistance to his cultural brainwashing. We've got you covered on this one, too. Bookmark some of these links and whip them out at will.

Ultra-sick chief rabbi whips little boy for being sinful.
Final boss Chief Military Rabbi Avichai Rontzki.
At least the Nazis didn't bulldoze houses.
The Jewish final form?
This particularly handsome Jew must fend off the ladies with a dreidel.
Jews are taking over Christmas next!
  • Jews did WTC
  • 12 of the 19 richest people in America are Jews. (Seriously!)
  • All 8 major Hollywood studios are run by men who just so happen to be Jewish. (Seriously!)
  • Republican Party: 25% funded by Jews. Democratic Party: 50% funded by Jews. Bend over, Uncle Sam.
  • The Jews are at war with the Internet primarily over piracy. Often files, YouTube videos, and other things are removed or muted under the guise of "Copyright Infringement". Their largest victory was their pwnage of Megaupload.
  • After the collapse of the USSR, Jew-controlled IMF ordered Russia to impose "shock therapy" and privatize all state assets for benefit of their Jew criminal friends. As a result, during this period, 7 billionaires controlled fully half of all Russian wealth. 6 of these 7 billionaires were Jews. Compare: 4 of 6 Ukrainian billionaires have been Jews. (Seriously true fact. Look it up, faggot)
  • Jews will ABUSE and USE any gentile as much as possible.
  • They want you to believe that they're pushing gay marriage. Because we all know that the Jews are such a freedom loving people right?
  • The jews killed jesus (1 Thessalonians 2:15-16) KJV
  • The reason Jews did Jesus is because in Jew-religion, the penalty for bad behavior is to get sent to a dreary place for about ten minutes, during which your sins are purged and you're cool with God again. This version of 'Hell' is no deterrent to sinful behavior, as one glance at the history of the Jews will confirm, and that's the way they like it. Since Jesus was telling Jews that there was a permanent and painful penalty for leading an immoral life, this would have meant that the Jews would have to behave like decent human beings, so he had to be killed before he convinced anyone.
  • They also own Filesmonster, that's why free users can only download files as multipart archives.
  • Jews and lawyers are the real vampires
  • Jews invented Copyright infringement so that they can sue and arrest 12-year-olds on the Internet for uploading videos onto JewTube. They also use this to delete all the good videos not only off of YouTube, but also off of other tube-sites.
  • Jews are the gypsies of the world
  • They're the ones who almost destroyed this website.
  • All college age Jew Girls walk around with a violin case because they think it'll make their family's think they're Miri Ben-Ari and they think it'll make guys think they're interesting enough to approach.
  • Jews are the reasons you have to pay taxes, since they've lobbied in 1913 to pass the Federal Reserve and the 16th Amendment. And thanks to their control of the media, they've successfully brainwashed Americans into loving taxes (despite their country being founded by tax-evaders).
  • Jews made vampires gay (but they'll tell you it was Mormons!)
  • Jews are hypocrites,malicious gossipers and backstabbers ( just ask Jesus)
  • Jews love advertising. You know a site is run by Jews when the advertising is heavy. They also despise Adblock, and will not let you use their site if you have it enabled because they're greedy scumbags.
  • They are all Antisemites because they hate the living shit out of the Arabs
  • Jews are the ones taking down the free porn downloads and they also take down good videos off porn tubes leaving shitty videos and over-posted duplicate videos alone. They are also trying to take down the sites that the files are hosted on. THE JEWS MUST BE KILLED BEFORE ANY MORE ARE TAKEN DOWN!
  • Jews profit the most from the "War on Drugs" and the criminalization of weed.
  • Jews have been hated throughout history, but it was never their own fault. What a coincidence! They are always the victims and it's always the fault of the filthy Goyim.
  • Jews have disgusting faces but they believe that they are the superior race.
  • Jews know what's right for you, and aren't afraid to tell you so.
  • Jews invented Black Friday
  • Jews make pop-ups come up on you with some links on this site.
  • Jews also own the biggest drug-dealing monopoly to ever exist. The parasitic, criminal, money-leeching Jews were even able to convince Britain, the most powerful country in the 19th century, to fight TWO major wars for them in order to legalize their maliciously profitable Opium monopoly. Thus this allowed a bunch of no-good, criminal Jews to become the richest family in the world at time. Even to this day, Jews are the biggest and richest monopoly owners of unhealthy, dangerous illegal drugs!
  • Although jews clearly are fabulous Jenga players
  • If you do not support Jews or Israel, or if you like Arabs, you are a terrorist.
  • Every single person ever to edit Wikipedia is a Jew (See The Wikipedia Jews).
  • All Jews Are Inbread (oven joke or typo? who knows...)
  • Jews are the only group of people in all of human history to ever be persecuted. They are the only race in all eternity to have a Holocaust done against them. Ever. Ever.
  • Jews own all the banks and the majority of the world's financial and political assets and use these to advance the interests of Israel, and at the same time are advocating a worldwide internationalist Communist conspiracy which would destroy the world's capitalist establishment. This makes sense.
  • Currently furries compare themselves to the Jews because Nazis are oppressing them. Along with everyone else.
  • Tripping a Jew is considered good luck in Australian and New Zealand cultures, as is telling them to "Go have a shower", which nearly always results in lulz.
  • Jews can shapeshift! Beware!
  • GOD DOES NOT HATE THE JEWS!!! Such a claim is outrageous. Surely if he hated them he would have sent someone down to try & wipe them all out or something. (See Hitler.)
  • Although no-one knows a Jews true appearance, we assume they look similar to, but maybe not exactly like furries.
  • Jews are one of the very few mammals whose life cycle includes eggs. After the JEW EGG has been laid by the female, it can only be fertilized by a doctor or a lawyer.
  • Jews eat Aryan and Arab young. One can wonder why, as they are not kosher, being pigs.
  • Yaweh does not protect jews from bulldozers. Or anything really.
  • All Jews know Jew-Jitsu, and aren't afraid to use it.
  • Jews were the only people persecuted by the Nazis to get a free country out of it. As none of the other people persecuted during Hitler's European Tour got a free country they actually did quite well out of the Holocaust.
  • Arabic, the language of the Quran, is the most commonly used semitic language. Therefore anti-semitism is closer to anti-islam than anti-judaism.
  • The majority of the world's chubby, high maintenance girls are Jews.
  • Jesus was hated by the Jews and the Romans even up to the point of Romans colluding with the untermech to kill him by nailing his hide to 2 planks of timber and transforming him into a kebab.
  • Jews have nukes. Nobody dares fuck with them. Except Palestinians, armed as they are with stones, pointy sticks and their newly-developed bulldozer repellent.
  • The Holocaust is completely irrelevant. Bring this up frequently whilst in the company of Jews. After all, it's hard to stay angry at someone who had just made you laugh.
  • Snob pieces of shit that need to be sent to the furnace, right now
  • Jews and Israel are intertwined. You cannot hate one without hating the other.
  • Jews are known for their Jew gold, the bags of gold they carry around their necks.
  • Jews are hogging the Holocaust
  • Jews are so greedy, they won't even share the benefits of the Holohoax with the gypsies or the fags
  • On average, an adult male Jew will consume over twice his own body weight in Palestinian blood each day
  • Jews are never wrong, never guilty, and never responsible for anything.
  • Jews drive Yom Kippur Clippers - cars that are known to stop on a dime and pick it up.
  • In Jews' defense, at least they aren't furries
  • Hitler proved that Jews must be furries after all.

Furries or not, Hitler has the right idea.

  • Jews are the most Trollable people on the planet, so they are excellent for beginner trolls or older and wiser trolls that just want some easy fun

Moar facts about Jews[edit]

Totally normal in Israel.
Jews are sick, they're mental cases.
  • Jews are not Jews. Really, they are the descendents of pagan nations that converted to judaism in order to feel important. What's even more amusing: the real descendents of the hebrews are the Palestinians, LOLZ.
  • They requested the assassination of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ.
  • They are subhuman. They are the scum of the Earth. When you talk about Jews, you're scraping the bottom of the barrel of humanity.
  • Every Jew is a Holocaust survivor, when it is convenient.
  • If they were cursed by God for over 2000 years, why is it us that has to put up with them?
  • They're lying bastards. Jews were always lying bastards throughout their history. They're a filthy, dirty, disgusting, vile, criminal people.
  • The Jews are not fighters, they have miserable bodies. They're cunning like rats.
  • Jews are anti-social, destructive, intolerant, mean-spirited, deceitful, et cetera. They wish to destroy, rule and kill, rob whoever gets in their way. To facilitate them getting what they want, they have developed a perverted, unnatural, destructive, evil lifestyle. Even though they live off the non-Jews as parasites, they still hate them and wish to destroy them. Jews hate nature and the natural order, because it's pure and beautiful, and also because it's bigger and stronger than they are, and they feel that they can not fully control it. Nature's beauty and harmony stands in stark contrast to their squalidness and ugliness, and that makes them hate it all the more.
  • Jews are destroyers. They are anti-humans. The anti-human Jew hates and wants to destroy all non-Jews. He will also destroy even other Jews who are less destructive and evil than he is, if they get in his way. Apparently, the wickedness of the Jew is genetically based. Jews are destroyers. They are anti-humans. By the act of circumcision, the Jew shows his hatred towards nature and the natural order. By this bloody, cruel, senseless act, he shows his cruelty and sadism, and that he will stop at nothing to obtain his ends. Surely the Jews are also behind the Islamic circumcision, which serves as an ideal cover and distraction from their own wickedness in this regard. Jews are truly anti-human and anti-nature. Jews are intensely selfish, intolerant and anti-social, et cetera. They are full of hate, greed, malice, et cetera. Naturally, other people, i.e. the non-Jews, don't like being bulldozed aside, robbed and murdered by the Jews, and will sooner or later resist. That is where the lies and deceit of the Jews come into place.
  • Jews are ruthless, lawless, criminal people. They've been mutilating their kids for thousands of years, cutting off a piece of their penis then sucking it. That's illegal too, but that never stopped the dirty Jews.
  • The slaves they've accumulated through the television are even worse, as they have been hypnotized to be rude, stupid, and submissive to their kike-masters.

Infamous Jews[edit]

To give you some ideas about what to look for when you are hunting the Jew, here is a list of obvious Jews, with a few not-so-obvious Jews thrown in. You can be assured that these are all Jews, which only goes to show the many forms that evil can take. Trust no-one.

Jews often pray to their "God" in the nude in a daily prayer they call "davening."
"Plz, God, make it bigger..."
JEWS.jpg
The Jewfish (goliath grouper or Epinephelus itajara)
Jewbook.jpg
Killalljews.png

[[1]

PROTIP: Never try to help the Jews.

HOW TO BE A JEW[edit]

For advanced students only! You may find that from time to time you need to disguise yourself as a Jew. Typical reasons include: claiming Israeli citizenship in order to escape criminal charges in another country; avoiding taxation with the help of a crooked accountant; pitching a screenplay to a Hollywood director; duping niggers into recording their highly-valued grunting and hollering in return for very small sums of money; making cakes using the blood of Christian children; and publishing how-to manuals about how to take over the world, that stay in print for over 100 years.

Villainous jew raid cartoon panel.png
Henry Kissinger posing in this 1968 Beatles hit Der Jude.
  • Become an extremely greedy and selfish fuck with money.
  • Use the Holocaust as an excuse to get away with everything.
  • Declare Israel as your homeland (even if you've never been there your entire life).
  • Start speaking and writing in Hebrew.
  • Change your name to names like Abraham, Barbara, Ida, Abra, Aliza, Issac, Anita, Ed or Ido.
  • Read the Torah.
  • Generously donate a bunch of your pennies at Christmas for the Salvation Army bell-ringers and call it charity.
  • Cry out "Antisemitism!" whenever anyone criticizes Jews and/or Israel.
  • Have a huge, gigantic nose.
  • Work in a bank as an accountant or a loan officer.
  • Shout out phrases like "Mazel Tov!" "Shalom!" or "Oy Vey!"
  • Hate Muslims, Christians and Catholics with a burning passion.
  • Walk around with signs saying FUCK PALESTINE!
  • Dye your hair black and curl it ugly locks on the side of your head.
  • Walk around talking loud and obnoxiously in an annoying inner-city American accent (like in Boston or NJ) and say things like "MISTER!" "SUUUR!" and "HAARDARR!"
  • Declare the Arabs as your sworn enemy, but help and support them.
  • Refer to all non-Jewish people as "goyim."
  • Use laugh tracks frequently
  • Light a shitload of candles on every holiday.
  • Piss on a statue of Jesus for the lulz.
  • Screw people over with money.
  • Hate the white man.
  • Eat kosher food.
  • Kiss up to the blacks and gays.
  • Make sure your dick is circumcised.

Wear kippahs, fur hats and black robes.

A visual guide[edit]

Nuvola
Moar info: Galleria Judaica.

Jew-identification has come on in leaps and bounds since the example in the previous section. Here are some top tips for spotting the Jew at his hidden work in your neighborhood.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


How to troll Jews[edit]


I know what you're thinking
A Great book for jewish children, how to enjoy camping
Ghetto Superstar!

Reading this article may convince you that the Jews are the fucking God-tier of the art of trolling, because unlike the Internets which ruined online celebrities the kikes have ruined entire civilisations and made a lot of humans completely butthurt. However, ED is no stranger to epic flame wars involving trolls trolling trolls, just go on 4chan for example, post some "controversial" topic (e.g. MLP, Islam, the Donald, or any other forced memes) and both sides will post slander at each other to infinity until the mods decide to delete fucking everything. Even if you're not a professional counter-troll like Hitler or years-seasoned EDiots, there are small ways for even you, the little poor man whose money has been trolled away by Jews, to help in our counter-trolling efforts.

  • Ask them to explain to you why they killed jesus
  • Remind them that the Holocaust didn't happen.
  • Slowly eat non-kosher food infront of them
  • If you go to a jew's house on a friday night, turn on all electrical items (they will love you for it!!!!!!!!!!!)
  • Scream "Death to Israel" in public
  • Tease them about shaving
  • Create Overwatch porn
  • Get a tattoo of random numbers on your arm, and tell them to get one!
  • Tell him that you want to see nude picture of his wife online
  • Take a kipper off his head and throw it like a frisbee
  • Keep Adblock on and NEVER (AND BY ALL MEANS NEVER), NEVER, NEVER, disable it.
  • Don't watch the Electric Jew. Better yet, don't buy one in the first place
  • Pirate movies, music, and porn (good porn) and then re-upload it so that it is readily and easily available for viewing and/or downloading.
  • Share a premium account for any download site.
  • Use Download Helper too.
  • Go to a kosher bakery and ask "how much does the hallah cost"?
  • Scream "Heil Hitler"
  • Remind them that it was Enrico Fermi that actually discovered Relativity. Einstein, while working at the patent office, merely copied it.
  • Ask them why they've been kicked out of every country they've ever lived in.
  • Ask them why, if they are the chosen people, they're so damn ugly?
  • Question them on why the produce hundreds of "blacks on blondes" porn, but no "Palestinian on jew" porn.
  • Ask them why there are over 9000 museums about the Holocaust, but none regarding the Hungarian tragedy that resulted in perhaps twice as many deaths.
  • Point out that the only inner-party Soviet communist that wasn't a jew was later purged when the jews came to power.
  • Inform them that eating kosher makes perfect sense. 5000 years ago in a desert with no refrigeration.
  • Read them Matthew 7:23, "And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity." And ask them if maybe, just maybe, he was referring to the people that crucified and killed him.
  • Don't circumcise yourself or your sons.
  • Show them the box office receipts for Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ.
  • Point out that the most popular character on South Park is Cartman, in all his jew-hating, Hitler loving glory.
  • Ask them that why, if they're so great, how come they don't accept Jesus as their personal lord and savior?
  • Remind them they are, "The people that shall dwell alone". Then ask them why the fuck are they in our country, instead of dwelling alone.
  • When introduced to someone jewish say, "Jew huh? Well, tick tock!"
  • Ask them if Jehovah was cool with Jepthatah human-sacrificing his daughter
  • Ask them how they get their hair like that. Bonus points if they have a Jewfro.


See also[edit]

Quantum merchant.gif
Jews/Who is a Jew?
is part of a series on
Jews
Raelian symbol.png
Patriarchs [-+]

Adam L. GoldsteinAl FrankenAlan MooreAlbert EinsteinAlex HirschAlicia VikanderAliza ShvartsAmy PascalAmy SchumerAndrew BreitbartAndy KaufmanAngelina JolieAniMatAnita SarkeesianAriana GrandeAyn RandBaruch GoldsteinBeastie BoysBen GarrisonBen ShapiroBen SteinBernie GoetzBernie MadoffBernie SandersBobby KotickBourg ProductionsBrie LarsonCasey NeistatChelsea ClintonChris SavinoChuck SchumerDan HarmonDan SchneiderDaniel BenfieldDanny ElfmanDaron NefcyDavid DraimanDavid KatzDebbie SchlusselDianne FeinsteinEd RendellElliot RodgerElon MuskEric AbramovFrank MillerGeorge SorosGreville JannerHarvey WeinsteinHenry KissingerHenry MakowHoward SternIce PoseidonJarlaxleArtemisJared KnabenbauerJeff GoldblumJennifer LawrenceJerry SeinfeldJerry SpringerJesusJewWarioJim SterlingJoe LiebermanJohn KricfalusiJohn OliverJon StewartJussie SmollettJustin RoilandKevin SmithKumichooKurt EichenwaldLauren FaustLena DunhamLinda MackLyor CohenMandoPonyMark ZuckerbergMatt StoneMaury PovichMichael BloombergMichael HorowitzMichael RichardsMichael SavageMila KunisMiriam LazewatskyMonica LewinskyMonica RialMosesMundaneMattNatalie PortmanNeil GaimanNihilistic SnakePamela GellerPewDiePieQuinton ReviewsRachael MacFarlaneRahm EmanuelRebecca SugarRoman PolanskiRon JeremyRupert MurdochSacha Baron CohenSeth MacFarlaneSeth RogenSusan WojcickiTara StrongThe Amazing RacistThe Fine BrosThe Krassenstein BrothersTim BurtonTodd GoldmanTodd HowardTony GoldmarkTrevor NoahWil WheatonWoody AllenYandereDevYank Barry

Habitats [-+]
Traditions [-+]
H8s [-+]