The Karate Kid Remake
One day, while sitting atop a huge fucking pile of jew gold, Will and his bastard offspring decided that it wasn't enough to be responsible for some of the world's worst films, no, they wanted something more devious to prove to everyone that they are better than you. After initially experimenting with time travel, something they soon realised would cause horrible side effects, they settled for a remake of the Karate Kid. Using his acting background, Will was able to pull some strings and just like that, an abomination was spawned. After replacing the karate kid with a nigger, and karate with kung-fu, Smith was able to rest happy in the knowledge that he had kidnapped, fist-fucked and shat all over the childhoods of the people that made him what he is today.
Smith is also a closet $cientologist too afraid to admit to the world his 'religious' views. By saying he admires $cientology but is not a part of the cult he has attempted to make it seem logical and even brilliant.
In 2004 Will donated $20,000 to The Hollywood Education and Literacy Program, a.k.a. Scientology's home-schooling program. Much like the Hitler Youth, this program is designed to bring young blood into the ranks of this cult. He also donated $1 million of his money to start a Scientology private school for the scilons to brainwash his children.
Like a true Christian, he gave crew members of the movie Hancock gift cards for a Scientology personality test at any Church of Scientology center as a wrap present when filming was done (which really wasn't a gift so much as an advertisement, as Scifags already do this kind of shit for free). He could have given them rosary beads, crucifixes or Bibles, but no, it was $cientologist propaganda. Way to be a "Student of all religions," Will!
Now this is a story all about when
My soul got infested by space aliens
And I'd like to take a minute, just lean back and sit
I'll tell you how I came to believe in some really stupid shit.
In a studio in Hollywood, young and brash
On a sitcom is where I made most of my cash
Chillin' out, acting and raking in the green
Making movies and a TV show that everyone's seen
Till a couple stars, they were up to some shit
Got me to read Dianetics and I was diggin' it
I got in one little chat with my man Tom Cruise
He said, "If you get with Scientology you just can't lose!"
I paid for an audit, and when I was read
It said I had all kinds of thetans and engrams in my head
If anything, I could say these guys had no cred
But I thought, "Naw, forget it. I wanna get ahead!"
I pulled up to the Centre about 7 or 8
And I yelled to my friends, "Yo SPs, smell ya later!"
I looked at my e-meter, and it started to beep
To guide me on my path as a new Scifag creep.
Will on YouTube
This is an excerpt from his 1997 biography, Will Power! A Biography Of Will Smith, in which Smith recounts a defining moment in his life:
"The following is the tale about a turbulent time in my life, in which everything I had known seemingly became topsy-turvy. So, if you have a moment, I would like to take this opportunity to tell you the story of how I became the proprietor of a lavish Bel-Air estate.
I grew up in West Philadelphia, and spent most of my waking hours on the playgrounds of my locale. After school my friends and I would wind down by scrimmaging on the basketball court on campus. Oh, we would have such a gay time! But all of a sudden, we were approached by a few hoodlums and a scuffle broke out. My mother feared the worst, and insisted that it would be better for me to move in with some relatives on the west coast rather than risk any further incidents.
I objected, and put up a struggle for a few days, but it was of no use, and soon I was off. Along with my plane ticket, I also brought along a personal stereo, because I figured that I might as well make the best of the situation. For some reason i ended up in first class seating, which was much different than anything that I had been accustomed to previously. The situation was so suave, that they even took the liberty of serving my orange juice in a champagne glass. I thought to myself, I could get used to this Bel-Air lifestyle, and began to dream about the luxuries which awaited me upon my arrival. But then I had second thoughts. I began to have reservations that my humble background and ruffian lifestyle might ostracize me socially from my economically elite peers. I finally decided that there was nothing I could do to change that at the moment, and I would just have to wait and see what happens when I got there, and try to remain positive. I held hope that they would be prepared for my over-the-top bravado and boisterous personality!
When my plane finally landed I nearly had an incident with the law. When I came out of the terminal, a police officer was waiting for me, holding a placard with my name on it. Rather than risk being incarcerated on my first day in a new city, I proceeded to move to the exits with haste, as to not arouse any suspicions. I summoned a taxi-cab, and when it came into view, I noticed that it had quite a few idiosyncrasies, including a custom license plate reading "FRESH," and a pair of novelty fuzzy dice hanging from the driver's rear view mirror. I thought for a moment, as to the immense odds that I would have such an escort on this occasion, perhaps indicating something of an omen, but quickly quashed that notion, as I had more important business to attend to. I bid that my journey continue, and commanded the driver to proceed onward to my final destination.
I finally arrived at my new home about a quarter before 8 PM, and it was none to soon; the aromatic assault given off by my driver had become unbearable, and I figured that I could put off on that particular olfactory sensation until another day. I bid my hygienically challenged friend adieu, and took a brief survey of my new home. I took this opportunity to reflect on the trials and tribulations of my journey, thus far, and was thankful for my safe arrival. I was now ready to face my destiny, and take my place as the social celebrity of this auspicious community."
<center>Will is definitely not gay</center>
- The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
- Woll Smoth
- I Am Legend
- List of Unconfirmed Celebrity Scientologists