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Wolfaboos are an odious branch of Animal Rights activists and/or furfags who are to wolves what 13 year old girls are to Twilight. Wolfaboos think that wolves are quite literally gods of the animal kingdom, that are going to go extinct any second now, think Wolf's Rain was a documentary, think Sarah Palin is the worst mass murderer since Yahweh, think having a "wolf spirit" is unique and daring, ignore all facts and just prattle on about OMGWOLVES, and scream at people who disagree or who do not view wolves as the pinnacle of evolution/existence.
Wolves were once one of the most hated animals on the planet, a trend which was reversed by dedicated biologists who spent their whole lives trying to teach the world the truth about wolves. Ironically enough, thanks to wolfaboos and their mindless fanbase, the whitewashing campaign in defence of wolves has failed miserably, with most people now being sick to death of wolves, and seeing wolf hunting as a guaranteed lulz dispenser.
- 1 Etymology and definition
- 2 Why Wolves?
- 3 Examples of hypocrisy and ignorance
- 4 Subspecies
- 5 Wolfaboo role models
- 6 Quotes
- 7 How to troll wolfaboos (or "How to be a Wolfer-troll")
- 8 Wolfaboo jokes
- 9 Wolf Faggotry at its Best
- 10 Galleries
- 11 See also
- 12 External links
Etymology and definition
Wolf•a•boo [wolf-uh-boo] (n.)
1. A portmanteau of Weeaboo (referring to a person overly obsessed with Japan,) and Wolf (a member of the Canidae family and wet dream of every furfag). A Wolfaboo: "A person overly obsessed with wolves; one who equates a human life to that of a wolf; someone who defends and or glorifies wolves killing humans; insists that the wolf is stronger, braver, more compassionate, more noble, more intelligent, etc. than any other animal even when confronted with evidence of the contrary. Is normally an adolescent who subconsciously feels as though he/she needs to have an identity as a wolf or a wolf lover in order to be unique; more often than not has terrible spelling and grammar skills. Often misspelling the plural of wolf as 'wolfs'; Often, will make up lies and propaganda to defend wolves; most of the lies do not hold true when put to actual research. People who specialise in trolling wolfaboos are referred to as "Wolfer-trolls", a compound word derived from Wolfer (a wolf hunter) and troll" see: Ignorant, Stubborn, Brainwashed, Liar, Foolish, Gay
Synonyms include; Wolf Fanatics, Wolf Worshipers, Wolftards, Wolf Fappers and Wolf Fuckers (the latter term is unpopular, as it implies that these bozos have actually lost their virginity).
Why not tigerboos? Why not rhinoboos? Why not pandaboos? It's thought that wolfaboos love wolves for no reason other than they resemble their own pet doggy. That's it. Like most animal rights activists/furfags they only care about pretty animals, not bird-eating spiders big enough to fit over your face. They do not care which species are going extinct, they care because wolves are so awesome and cool and look just like Fido. Dogs as a whole are popular in general because they have inflatable dicks.
But why just wolves? Why not dingoes or jackals? Possibly because wolves were feared and hunted to extinction by humans in many countries, thus wolfaboos often compare them to abused minorities. But like all animal right activists, ultimately, they care more about animals than people.
Examples of hypocrisy and ignorance
- They claim that wolves are needed to keep elk populations down. However, when presented with evidence that wolves drive said elk to extinction, they then claim that wolves have no effect on them after all.
- Wolfaboos claim that hunters kill more deer than wolves do. Britfag wolfaboos however will claim that Scotland’s deer culling programme is ineffective, and wolves (which supposedly do not affect deer populations) are the solution to the overpopulation problem.
- They cite the supposed "friendliness", "loyalty" and "love" of wolf packs as an example for human families to follow. What they overlook is that the breeding pair always eats first at a kill, even during times of famine, thus causing many pups to starve to death. Strangely enough, canines with much less media attention (such as dholes and African wild dogs, which wolfaboos likely don't even know exist) do the exact opposite, and give the pups priority.
- Wolfaboos often claim that they act in defence of all wolves, though all their fanart focuses solely on fat, fluffy North American wolves. You’ll never find art dedicated to Middle-Eastern or Southern Asian wolves, which are the coarse-furred, long eared, small sized animals which first gave rise to the domestic dog and adopted Mowgli.
- They like to think that Native Americans worshipped wolves. History states otherwise: wolves were not elevated above other animals and several tribes killed wolves, either as rites of passage, to make fursuits, or for food. Among other claims, they state that wolves and Natives hunted alongside one another, while writings from the Lewis and Clarke expidition indicate that wolves only occurred outside tribal territorial boundraries.
- They often claim that their dog is "part wolf" (see Dracoguard's fuck-buddy).
- When it comes to wolf attacks on humans, wolfaboos have a blatant habit of shifting the goalpost. First they will claim that “There is no record of a wolf ever killing a human”. When it turns out that rabid wolves have killed people, they claim “There is no record of a healthy wolf ever killing a human”. When this itself turns out to be bullshit, due to healthy zoo wolves killing their handlers, they go on to say “There is no record of a wild, healthy wolf ever killing a human”. Finally, when the truth comes out that wild, non-rabid wolves have indeed killed people, they state “There is no record of a wild, healthy, non-habituated wolf ever killing a person” etcetera, etcetera!
- On a similair note, wolfaboos like to post videos or pictures of zoo wolves acting friendly with their handlers, and claim that this is proof that they are harmless. Oddly, people like Steve Irwin, Timothy Treadwell, Kevin Richardson and Kim Wolhuter who befriended dangerous animals (crocodiles, bears, lions and hyenas respectively) never used their specimen's good behavior as proof that their respective animals were not dangerous. Ironically, when captive wolves do kill people, the wolfaboos then claim that captive animals are not good examples of wolf behavior after all.
- They call wolves the “sanitarians of nature”, seemingly unaware of the fact that wolves carry over 50 different parasite species, among them are hydatid tapeworms, which severely weaken game populations. So much for wolves keeping the herds strong!
- Although wolfaboos claim that wolves would never attack a person, and that their reputation for killing large, healthy animals is unjustified, they think that wolves can beat far stronger predators such as hyenas, cougars, lions and tigers in a fight. This is odd, as they also claim that mere livestock guardian dogs are a foolproof way of repelling wolves from livestock.
- Being largely urban, pastey skinned teenagers with no experience whatsoever in manual work, wolfaboos naturally like to lecture rural people on how to run their farms, citing a miriad of non-lethal methods of keeping wolves away from their property.
- They genuinely believe that wolves only kill for food. They've obviously never heard of "surplus killing".
- Most wolfaboos (particularly the emo types) pick black colored wolves as their fursonas, as if unaware that black wolves are actually wolf-dog crossbreeds, and are thus the least "wolf-like" color variant.
- They actually believe that Balto (the IRL huskie, not the cartoon) was a wolf-dog hybrid.
Like the animal which they masturbate to, wolfaboos come in many different forms, sizes and levels of dumbfuckery:
- DeviantArt wolfaboos: Famous for their efforts at increasing wolf awareness through drawing sparkledogs and yiff, as well as ruining perfectly good fictional characters by re-drawing them as wolves
- Furry Affinity wolfaboos: Known for their unambiguous desire to bukkake wolves
- Iscribble Wolfaboos: Seem to be hybrid populations between the FA and DA wolfaboos
- Yahoo Answer wolfaboos: Suffice to say, they know nothing about wolves
- Youtube wolfaboos: Arguably the stupidest of them all. When they are not typing SAVE TEH WOLFS!!!! or HUNTERZ SUK!1!1! on other people's comment pages, these exceptionally annoying little faggots have the habit of ripping stock footage from Wolf's Rain or Balto, then using them to make "music videos" in which (being the talentless hacks they are) they basically take someone elses song and try to make it apply to wolves.
There are three types of wolfaboo stamps:
- Anti-wolfaboo but pro-wolf ("I love wolves but I'm NOT a wolfaboo!")
- Anti-wolfaboo and anti-wolf ("Fuck wolves! What about the Goliath Bird-eating Spider?!")
- Pro-wolfaboo with no mention of wolves whatsoever ("Wolf H8ers SUUUUUUUCK!!1!").
- WolfAdvocate: Classic example of a pseudo-intellectual defender of wolves made even more pathetic by the fact he looks 12 rather than 21 and has Asperger's syndrome. Driven off both youtube and deviantart after gently being told wolves aren't the most important species on the planet. Interestingly he comes from Australia - the land of dingoes, not wolves.
- Hatedwerewolf: No description needed.
- Farley Mowat: The Kent Hovind of wolves. Most famous for his fictional book (marketed as an autobiography) Never Cry Wolf, this self-aggrandising Canadian portrays wolves as fox-loving lemming eaters who only kill caribou in desperation. Wolfaboos lap this up like the wolf cum they dream of having jizzed on their faces, seemingly unaware that their idol is a proven self-aggrandising compulsive liar, known to Canadian natives as “hardly-know-it” and a serial plagiarist of works done by actual wolf biologists.
- Shaun Ellis: A British closet biofur and ex-marine (oddly resembling a chunkier version of Wolfeedarkfang), known as "The Wolfman", who abandoned his family and his regiment in order to fulfil his lifelong dream of living in a zoo eating deer entrails with captive wolves, among other things.
- Misha Defonseka: A catholic Belgian wolfaboo whose real name is Monique De Wael, as well as being the daughter of a Nazi collaborating traitor. She obviously took a shine to Farley Mowat's con-job, and wrote an "autobiography" entitled Surviving with Wolves, in which she describes herself as a Jew escaping from Nazi captivity as a child, and surviving in the wilderness for two seasons with a wolf pack. Naturally, her conscience soon got the better of her, and she later admitted to all her wolfaboo fangirls that the whole story was total bullshit (conveniently after making £10 m from sales).
- Ashley Judd: An ex-ham actress from california and spokesperson of Defenders of Wildlife, who BAWWWs over Sarah Palin's Alaskan wolf management policies. Also I'M A NASTY WOMAN!
- Mike Wagner a.k.a PWI (Posterboy for Wolfaboo Insanity): The sociopathic founder of Heart of the Wolf, who anthropomorphises wolves to the extent of comparing wolf hunting to the holocaust, and calls Shaun Ellis, as well as actual qualified wolf biologists, "wolf murderers". His counterarguments against the responsible management of wolf populations by qualified biologists typically involve ad-hominem attacks and (wait for it) quotes from The X Files. Among other things, he thinks that Disney films and the Chronicles of Narnia are part of a "conspiracy" to demonise wolves
With all the works written that detail various aspects of Adolf Hitler's life the nature and extent of his faggotry has not heretofore been treated to adequate critical review. This then is an attempt to correct this glaring oversight to achieve a better understanding of the defects in his character.
Widely recognized is his failure to gain academic placement in his initially chosen field as artist. Much like the furfags of our day, although possessed with some measure of talent his spergish personality blinded his sense of practicality when it came to choosing a field in which he was proficient enough to make a practical living off of like other skinfags. However, in contrast to his counterparts in our present age Hitler eschewed endlessly drawing dicks on cartoon animals favoring instead the mundane landscapes of Vienna as his principal source of artistic inspiration. As a matter of fact, even though his love of animals is well known there is no evidence that he ever drew or painted animal subjects of any sort although there are other examples of Disney fan-art believed to have been his that are mentioned below."furfag" strictly speaking. However, his fixation and personal identification with wolves were sufficiently pronounced and demonstrated to earn his classification as wolfaboo that, along with his aspie-like infatuation with his own ideas no matter how generally insane, wrong or disgusting are of greatest significance and will be the topic of further discussion.
Hitler as Wolfaboo
Hitler's infatuation and self identification with wolves seems to have begun in earnest in 1921 around the same time he assumed leadership of the National Socialist German Worker's Party and began receiving the patronage of one of his earliest political mentors, Dietrich Eckart. Prior to this and following the end of the First World War Hitler had made his reputation in the German Army by acting as a political spy for the German Reichwehr against the Communist revolutionaries. It was in the context of his work as a political spy he began using the pseudonym "Herr Wolf." (The Twisted Cross by Joseph J Carr p. 46) He also began signing articles of his that were published in the Volkischer Beobachter as simply "Wolf." (The Unknown Hitler p. 111) The society matrons and ladies of means whom Eckart had introduced him to during this period also referred to him by this name. (ibid.) Stan Lauryssens' book describes how Hitler would sit at Helene Bechstein's feet while she gently stroked his hair while murmuring 'Mein Wolfchen.' (The Man Who Invented the Third Reich p. 107) During this time he was given speech lessons and introduced to their friends in polite society (Op Cit p. 118) whose members would become the Nazi Party's initial principal financial sponsors. On April 20, 1922, Hitler's next birthday, one of his bodyguards named Christian Weber presented him with a German Shepherd whom Hitler named 'Wolf.' He quickly became the first in a line of Hitler's pets with whom Hitler formed a close bond, taking him on long walks and to party meetings. (Hitler and his God pp. 94-95) Upon acquiring a hardbound copy of Timothy Ryback's important book 'Hitler's Private Library' this author noticed something else quite significant. At the top of the dust jacket is an enlarged reproduction of Hitler's signature.
If one were to study Hitler's signatures over time one would see a prepoderance of those in which the rendering of the first name has been summarized into an 'S' shaped 'Sigrune.' Originally said to refer to the Sun this character was later re-interpreted by German occultist and Ariosophist Guido von List as meaning 'Victory.' Aside from the obvious symbology, one might imagine Hitler's usage of this particular style of writing his first name from a purely practical standpoint after he became dictator. However, if one studies the signature printed on the dust jacket of Mr. Ryback's book one will notice a distinctly different stylization. Hitler breaks the cursive 'd' to form the right side of a capital 'W' so that the letters appears to spell the name, 'Wolf Hitler.' Looking online one finds further examples of this signature. One is signed to a document said to date from while another is affixed to a document displayed in the Simon Weisenthal archives and credited as Hitler's first anti-semitic written work dating from 1919. In both of these signatures the stylization of the 'Ad' into a capital 'W' are clearly evident.
Different authors have ascribed to his first name different meaning. According to John Toland, "..Adolf was derived from the Teutonic word meaning 'fortunate wolf'.." (Adolf Hitler by John Toland p. 130) while Joachim Fest asserts Hitler determined that the word 'Wolf', "was the primitive Germanic form of Adolf." (Hitler by Joachim Fest p. 157) Another source explains, "The name 'Adolf' is a modern derivative of the older Germanic name 'Athalwolf' which in turn is made from atah and wolfa. The name 'adolf,' then means 'noble wolf.'" (The Twisted Cross by Joseph J. Carr p. 46)
The Antiquity of Lupine Furfaggotry
Investigating the cultural ancestry of this lupine obsession in Europe one finds references detailed in the Histories of Herodotus dating as far back as 500 BC. (Realm of the Ring Lords by Laurence Gardener, pp. 213-214) The original works of Norse Mythology known collectively as the Volsunga Saga composed in the 13th Century (op cit, p. 39) include tales in which the protagonists donned the skins of wolves and adopted their physical traits. (op cit, p. 215) Whether Hitler was familiar with these tales is unknown but it should be kept in mind that according to his friend August Kubizek he often would see Hitler surrounded by the five volumes of the 'Heldenbücher' or 'The Sagas of the German Heroes' when he was growing up in Linz. (The Young Hitler I Knew by August Kubizek, p. 62) For some Indian tribes, the wolf is the 'Great Teacher.' (Totems by Brad Steiger p. 210) To them, the wolf is said to be wise, cunning, intelligent, strong, gregarious, courageous and mysterious. (Spirits of the Earth by Bobby Lake-Thom p. 98) According to Joachim Fest, the word 'wolf', "..suggested the qualities of strength, aggressiveness and solitariness.." to Hitler. (Hitler by Joachim Fest p. 157) The extent of this identification is suggested by the following anecdote regarding a particularly nice bit of trolling and the Fuhrer's resultant butthurt,
"Once when the industrialist Otto Harz was visiting the Obersalzberg and Hitler likened himself to a wolf, Harz jokingly remarked, 'But Fuhrer, a wolf is long-legged, skinny, has a long nose and eats meat.' Hitler reddened and walked away. A few minutes later Rudolf Schmundt, Hitler's chief armed-forces adjutant, suggested to Harz that he leave. The industrialist was never again invited to the Berghoff." (Hitler's Secret Life by Glenn B. Infield p. 58)
It should come as no surprise then to find at this same time the Nazi state was busy enacting a program of legislation for the protection of the environment and "animal welfare in Nazi Germany" that would include laws making it the first country to protect wolves above other four legged predators even though none existed within the boundaries of the German state by then. (Animals in the Third Reich by Boria Sax, p. 75) According to author Peter Staudenmaier, these measures were viewed by other conservationists as, "among the most progressive in the world at that time" and form the basis of Germany's current animal rights laws as well as contemporary batshit wolf protection legislation in particular.
As mentioned earlier, the roots of Hitler's faggotry seem to go back, as one might expect, to his 'artist' period in Vienna. In the years before the so called 'Great War for Civilization' there was no /b/ so the only venue for aspies like him to exhibit their mock superiority was the internet-less street corner cafes that Hitler frequented where he would hold forth on the matters of the day relating in various measure to the contemporary political situation in Austria when he wasn't complaining about how the Jews fucked him over as an artist by not admitting him to the University of Vienna. This tendancy for running off was said by those who knew him during this period to seriously detract from his ability to complete his commissioned works that provided his only source of revenue once his inheritance and 'orphan pension' ran out.
Furfag Wolfaboo Discovers Walt Disney
—The Psychopathic God: Adolf Hitler by Robert G.L. Waite, Da Capo Press 1993 —p27
Like most furfags, Hitler too seemed to almost have a genetically pre-ordained affinity for the works of Walt Disney Studios. Goebbels once gave him 18 Mickey Mouse cartoons for his birthday with which Hitler was supposedly "very pleased." Albert Speer's son recalled watching them when he visited Hitler's residence in Obersalzberg as well.
Most recently, evidence has emerged indicating that Hitler further produced his own fan art of Disney characters. William Hakvaag, the director of a war museum claims to have discovered drawings of three out of seven dwarves, Dopey, Bashful and Doc, along with a sketch of Pinocchio hidden behind a painting that he believes to be the work of Hitler.
According to a London Telegraph article:
"Mr Hakvaag, who said he had performed tests on the paintings which suggested that they dated from 1940, said: 'I am 100 per cent sure that these are drawings by Hitler. If one wanted to make a forgery, one would never hide it in the back of a picture, where it might never be discovered.'"
"The initials on the sketches, and the signature on the painting, matched other copies of Hitler's handwriting, he claimed."
"Hitler had a copy of Snow White," he said. "He thought this was one of the best movies ever made."
Unacknowledged by most historians is the so-called "Dwarf Holocaust" perpetrated by Hitler under the T4 extermination program along with others who were classified under the Nazi state's Aryan racial laws as 'seriously malformed.' Among them was Lia Graf who, along with her mother, were dwarves. In 1937 they, along with Lia's father, were both arrested for being "useless persons" and taken by the Gestapo to a concentration camp. Among the charges levelled against Lia were being a dwarf as well as a tool of Wall Street for posing on the lap of financier J.P. Morgan Jr. during a trip to America in June of 1933. In 1944 she was shipped to Auschwitz and gassed. During his euthenasia program Hitler ordered over 10,000 dwarves gassed. (Hitler's Secret Life by Glenn B. Infield p. 235)
How to troll wolfaboos (or "How to be a Wolfer-troll")
- State that wolves are overrated
- State that wolves are not endangered, and that wolves hog the limelight of animals more deserving of attention and protection
- State that you support wolf hunting
- State that you support aerial wolf shooting
- State that you do not support aerial wolf shooting, then go on to say that you miss the bygone days when wolves could be poisoned en masse or chased and torn apart with dogs
- State that you support clubbing wolf pups
- State that you collect wolf pelts
- State on a wolf forum that you loved The Chronicles of Narnia, and that your favourite scene was when Peter skewers the wolf
- Same as above, only replace The Chronicles of Narnia with The Day after Tomorrow
- Tell them that having a "spirit wolf" is not unique, daring or special considering that 75% of all selected spirit animals are wolves
- State that Balto and/or Wolf's Rain were crap
- Mention "surplus killing" when they state that wolves only kill for food
- Ask for wolf-meat recipes
- Play as a hunter, rancher or wolfhound in a wolf RP
- If you're into World of Warcraft, then tell them that the worgen are a pointless race with no folkloric basis, made only to market to the wolfaboo's idiotic fanbase, and mention that when playing the game, you habitually skin wolves and sell their pelts
- Say that you support Sarah Palin
- Tell them that poodles are cooler and more majestic
- Tell them that their dog is quite obviously NOT part wolf
- State that people who keep wolves or wolf hybrids as pets are morons
- Quote from this book on trapping and hunting wolves
- Tell them that Golden Eagles ruin wolves, then prove it by showing them this:
- TL;DR, just say ANYTHING negative about wolves
A 100% accurate illustration of how wolfaboos react to even the mildest suggestion that wolves may not be beautiful, majestic, merciful god-incarnations. Please note that this manga is not photoshopped. Also, remember to read starting from right to left.
- Q. What did the wolfaboo say to the wolf?
- A. Nothing, the wolf bit his head off before he could speak.
- Q. Why did the wolf cross the road?
- A. Because there were no wolfaboos on the other side
- Q. Why didn't the three little pigs have a sequel?
- A. They were slaughtered by a mob of wolfaboos.
- Q.Why do wolfaboos claim that wolves are endangered, despite the proof in the ESA?
- A. They "don't know who ESA is" (see here if you don't get it)
- Q. Why did the Balto series end so quickly?
- A. Balto was ashamed, so he quit.
- Q. What gets automatically tainted forever as soon as the eyes of a wolfaboo lay on it?
- A. Any form of entertainment involving wolves
- Q. What happened to little red riding hood?
- A. She spent the rest of her life hiding..... From the raging wolfaboos
- Anonymous was visiting the zoo when he came across the wolf exhibit. He was rather disappointed, as there was only one, rather sickly looking wolf licking its rectum. When he told the keeper this, he was reassured that the wolf was in fact quite ferocious, and in peak condition just an hour ago when some crazed wolf fan had jumped the fence, been torn to shreds and messily devoured. 'If that's so' Anonymous asked, 'why is he just sitting there licking his rear?'... Poor thing can't get the taste out of his mouth.
Wolf Faggotry at its Best
Wolfaboo pwnage and hate art
Pictures to Troll Wolfaboos
- Dracoguard - Well...he might love canines in general, perhaps a little too much
- Doutaini - A haven for delusional wolfaboos.
- Teen Werewolf - Surprisingly, has nothing to do with real werewolves.
- Three Wolf Moon, the uniform of wolfaboos
- Wajas Sparkledogs for Wolfaboos
- Werewolves - Yes they do exist, but are not as awesome as you may think.
- Wild Wolf Society
- WOLFABOO: The Movie
- Balto Source forums, a haven for Balto-loving wolfaboos
- Wolf Haven Spirit of the Past: A website run by rednecks selling crossbred huskies and advertising them as wolves. Among the words of wisdom this gem has to offer is that wolves are felines, and that they can be raised perfectly well in an appartment or in the back of a truck. Visit the guestbook.
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