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World War II

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Slav squatting on the Reichstag
Americans pwning some Jap island. Doesn't matter which one - all the islands look the same, just like the chinks.
The truth

World War II was the much anticipated sequel to the 1914 smash hit, World War I.

This time around there were some awesome scenes of the war, such as the Blitz, the Holocaust(never happened), the atomic bombings in Japan and let's not forget the beloved warm welcome that the Germans gave to the Americunts once they settled on the Normandy beach in Nazi-occupied France during D-Day. The Japanese also paid a visit to China killing civilians, committing mass rape on the Chinese women and beheading children for the lulz.

WWII is generally acknowledged as having superior special effects to its predecessor, perhaps due to the larger budget and extended production time, but critics argue that it lacked the emotion and sincerity of the original. Yet everyone revered and fucking loved Adolf Hitler's performance as the lead protagonist, although he didn't quite kill enough Jews; there's still way too many.

Release

MaplePrivilege.jpg

Although WWII was originally intended for a global release in late 1939, problems with organizing a US distributor resulted in the initial release, on September 1, 1939, being confined to Europe. This was much to the disappointment to American players who had been promised that their faction would get to be at the start of the game unlike in WWI.

Further problems developed when the US government objected to any involvement with WWII. On the other hand, public pressure to allow a US release was strong and many citizens started distributing bootleg copies. Unfortunately, since the US had not authorized them, the American faction was unplayable to all players, which gave a severe advantage to the Germans, since it unbalanced the teams. This led to a quick defeat for the French faction.

In the end, it wasn't until a visit from Japanese diplomats on December 7, 1941 that the US government started to give a fuck about the public pressure and finally after much torrenting the United States government, a.k.a. the owners of the entire fucking world, allowed the release of WWII; albeit in an abridged version. However, there were initial complaints the US Army portrayed too many emo Jews and used cheap and very nigger-like tactics. To keep the US in the game, developers added a new feature to the faction, in which the longer the game lasted, the more supplies America could produce, which would give the Allies an insta-level to get them to finally get to a level where they don't completely suck ass.

Plot

Artist's depiction of the Japo-German alliance

It all started because a god-like Austrian named Adolf Hitler wouldn't permit his gay voodoo priest to get a piece of the fondling action. Coincidentally, Hitler's priest was also Jewish which insulted Hitler further. After his mom died and therefore now had no way to keep his super secksy alter ego in check, then he became an hero by fucking many whores. Upon succeeding, Hitler lived like a king for several weeks before he became a full-time god and wandered the streets looking for someone to smite. After living in an Orgy House, Hitler was eventually forced to join the Bavarian army in World War I. Things really escalated when a confirmed Jew stole Hitler's super special awesome bowl. After this, Hitler learned how to commit a super epic genocide, with his new sparkling education, he realized that "YES, the Jews and Niggers are behind the horrors of the world and internets!" All of this resulted in the best idea ever: Operation Kill All the Jews.

Immediately Hitler joined the NAZI political organization and rallied the members to burn the dreaded black personJews.

The Rising Action: Other Countries Get Pissed

Coincidentally, in Russia, Joseph Stalin's cat had gone missing and whilst searching for his wimminz, who he kept in a very shiny cage near the shack that held his niggers, Stalin's father beat him on the head and violated him with a vodka bottle, and his most favorite-ist diamond studed dildo. This made Stalin a furry because he did so in a dog costume, and he joined #politics to kill cat thieves, moochers, and the most hated creatures on the planet, the dreaded nigger-Jew. He overtook Soviet socialism and turned it into Communism.

A bug in early releases meant that on commencing play France just repeated certain actions from the original WWI, meaning players could only deploy that nation's +1 power of collapsing and begging for mercy. Everyone agreed that this was shit, but since France was even shitter when it was actually usable, this was no loss.

In Japan and Italy their animals were missing too they had ate all of there animals like cats and dogs and whatever the fuck them azns could get there hands on, so Japan rallied its empire against any objectors and so did the fascist Italian government. But they both suck black person balls so noone gives a fuck about that.

Pretty soon, the entire world was skanking other countries shit, which really pissed off the mimes, music hall performers, Germans, scout leaders, and our god, Hitler. Then the Yu-gi-oh abridged series began giving many lulz to the good people of Germany.

A Climax Approaches: HU'MERIKUHHH! FUCK YEAH!

Perl horbor retard.jpg
Japanese conducted torture and mass experiments on Chinese during World War II, and their women emasculated the entire Chinese male population. Here a Japanese woman cuts off a Chinese man's penis.

The United States sat on its ass and ignored Hitler and the Axis powers for the lulz. Well, Germany took over any country that was near them (conquering France in a record 12 miliseconds) and then forced them to eat your mom. After taking over almost all of Europe (with the exception of Britain, and the gays), the Nazis went for Africa to destroy the root of all evil h8 and niggers, the dark things that pretend to be people. Unfortunately, Germany decided to split up its Army because Hitler got impatient that he wasn't winning fast enough, but who can really blame that loveable son of a bitch.

The news that fateful day.

Japan, on the other hand, was starting serious business with China and began overtaking them with their Furry pr0n. The Chinese were no match for the unstoppable force that is the furfags. On the shore, they were invading islands in the Pacific Ocean, spreading the influence of their hentai. Of course, this all changed when Pearl Harbor happened and the Americans got pissed off. When America entered the war, they pwned fucking everyone, their supply bonus to the Allies was the only thing that kept Britain in the fight, and stopped German fag-boat operations.

Russia was going through its communist revolution and fucked up whoever it could. This changed when Hitler declared war on Russia, its former ally, and Russia got pissed like a sex-depraved furrybear. The Russians were almost raped, because the Nazis were using 4kids, but then Stalin saw a vital flaw with 4kids's strategy. Stalin decided to fortify his defense bonuses and waited for the Russian Winter, a seasonal attribute enhancer his faction got every winter, which drained Nazi mana and HP. Stalin was able to use the Russian Winter to launch a massive counter attack.

The Russians drank as much uber strong vodka as they could and rose up above the ashes of Stalingrad and shouted, "IN SOVIET RUSSIA, NIGGERS SLEEP IN SHINY CAGES!" and charged like the crazy drunken /b/tards that they are.

So then Russia charged into Nazi land, raping and pillaging in the most horrific way possible. When they got to Berlin, the Russians broke into every house they could find and surprised the German women inside, all as part of the lulziest and most epic gang bang the world had ever seen, which also happened to be full of win . When Hitler received news that the Russians were in his base, ræping his wimminz, he reportedly said "FGSFDS", then summoned his Blue Eyes White Dragon. Furthermore, after he learned that Stalin had also taken away his iPod, he shot himself immediately after taking a cyanide capsule, effectively committing DOUBLE SUICIDE. This was the most dramatic moment in the game, and many players cried. The Russians then decided to wave their flags as they got Hammered.

The Climax: NUKULAR LAUNCH DETECTED

At first I was like...
But then...
Banzai! Aieee!

For revenge on Pearl Harbor the U.S. employed NiggerGhost's to pwn the Japanese cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Due to Klan Japan being full of noobs, they didn't have a single detector unit. GG Japan. As a result America could successfully drop Jewish autism on Hiroshima resulting in death from a toxic amount of Lulz. History records that the first atomic bomb was dropped by a Jew. FUN FACT America planned to drop around 6-7 moar atomic bombs if Japan didn't surrender.

Later we would help them rebuild their economy, which is founded on Canon cameras and assassinations using katanas. When the U.S. was accused of war crimes and the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of Japs, they declared "We did it for the lulz", therefore pardoning them of all charges. Then for fucktarded reasons Japanese generals, forced our hand into atomically pwning their sloppy relatives, resulting in actual war crimes convictions.

As a retaliation, the Japanese invented anime, cartoons almost as good as pr0n, which somehow lead, eventually, to the unholy creation of furries. Some claim that their retaliation was too cruel and extreme, but who cares what those pussies think?

It is a known fact today that if Pearl Harbor hadn't woken America off of its ass, we'd all be speaking German now. And we wouldn't have so many cool WWII movies. GG Hollywood.

Also during all of this something called the "Holocaust" happened. Most people say it is a bunch of lies by the Jews, who caused 9/11 and the death of the Fullmetal Alchemist. If it was true, nothing of value was lost.

During the war, people couldn't get proper clothing and shit, so they had to wear clothes made of old VHS pr0n clippings. Wearing these is another thing that got them to molest each other as they had very fucked up fetishes back then. Eventually, everyone got over themselves and discovered the internetz. Everyone was able to purchase their own nuclear arsenal from Amazon, and all was good with the world.

Analysis

A decent remake of the original World War, World War II simply repeats the same tired old formula: Germany invades Europe, an alliance of countries fight back on land, on the seas and in the air and eventually win. The only notable difference is the bigger body count, improved special effects, some higher tech units being on the field, and more deaths of niggerJews as they aren't people. Granted, there are some spectacular set-pieces - the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, the D-Day landings, the civilian rescues at Dunkirk,and the holocaust. The game did however, receive generally positive reviews for it's bigger battlefields, fixed game mechanics, and greater variety of cool new "STD Mind Fuck" weapons.

It's interesting to note that despite the increased carnage, much of the actual death-dealing is done relatively "cleanly" with explosions and bullets accounting for the majority of the casualties rather than the rotting flesh and trench foot of World War I. It really does seem like they were trying to make this war more palatable to a younger and more squeamish faggot audience.

The exception to this, of course, is the Holocaust, which does feature some genuinely-lulzy moments - particularly the arrest and murder of Anne Frank - especially when they rape her with their huge German boners.

One of the biggest disappointments about this war was its political simplicity. The German leader was Adolf Hitler, a fantastic lunatic whose motivations were taking over the world and the extermination of non-Aryan racefags. His unique features included a deep hatred of the vile and disgusting kikes.

The other leaders are largely forgettable, with only Joseph Stalin and Winston Churchill standing out. The latter provides much of the war's comedy, with his humorous combination of uplifting speeches, and god Hitler, or godler, provides a great inspirational chain of jokes making fun of his genocide skillz. However, Harry Truman's decision to use the United State's secret atomic weapons would provide for large amounts of controversy later, particularly in the Cold War.

Despite the many lulz of the game, the game was a significant improvement over it's predecessor, especially since the balancing issues were largely rectified, a feature celebrated by all players. The game also featured new ideas, such as giving factions different bonuses to encourage players to join many factions. And while the acting wasn't as good as could've been hoped, the graphic cut-scenes were beautifully implemented. The game inspired several gay books, awesome gore movies, violent pr0n, and even it's own actual war!

  • (9/10), IMDB.com

Cosplay Links

Gallery of War

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Ally Propaganda

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Axis Propaganda

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Tie-in merchandise

It wasn't all an endless battle against poverty, rationing, and flying bombs. Lighter moments included the release of popular gramophone disc "The Jap and the Wop and the Hun," which set listeners a-jitterbugging in air-raid shelters from Morningside to Crystal Palace and has retained its evergreen zest despite the passage of years.

EmbedVideo received the bad id "CP5tNxBP4LE&" for the service "youtube".

See also

Ever felt taken for a sucker?


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Featured article December 8 & December 9, 2016
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