Xenosaga

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Pre-release screenshot for the cancelled Episode IV: Mein Kampf

Xenosaga is a series of 3 games for the craptasic Playstation 2. Originally designed to be 6 parts long, the games were so shitty it was cut down to 3. The games were produced by Nazis, as evident in the titles (Episode 1: Der Wille von Führer, Episode 2: Sieg Heil Van Halen, and Episode 3: Thus Sprach Goebbels).

The Elsa attacks the Death Star.
Well at least he isn't covered in belts and zippers.

Premise of the Game[edit]

Xenosaga 3: Whores
Concept art for Xenosaga 4. Notice the complete lack of clothing due to the rule that higher the sequel number, the less Shion can wear.

The game starts when someone pulled a Black Mesa Large Hadron Collider causing the Earth to implode. In every game, you play as Gaignun Kukai Jr. and Shion, who is his behind the scenes ho. Shion earns the ability to wear less and less clothing, and she's also a whiny fuck whom every character wishes to just peel off her skin and dump her in a tub of salt (or fuck her, whichever works. Doesn't matter since she's just a bunch of polygons anyway) she also is gay for her skank robot who she appearently knew over 9000 years ago. Jr., the male lead, is a crusty 30 year old man trapped in a preteen's body with a dead girlfriend complex who refuses to put out to anyone else. Although people that play the game don't even really care about him go on about minor characters and how they are so special when they are really Jr.'s lapdog bitches. In addition, there are a number of other characters who join Jr., including a loli Magic gurl, Jesus Christ, an otaku ^_^ weeaboo samurai, and a pedophilic Cyborg. Let's not forgot the big fap object KOS-MOS.

Every game is actually not really a game, but a long cinema similar to Final Fantasy XII. For every 2 minutes of gameplay in Xenosaga, there are OVER 9,000 hours of movies. No lie. It is one of the first games ever to have a save point in the middle of a fucking cinema. However, despite this fact, many fans fap about how great the game is. In fact, some fans go so far as to say that it is better than Final Fantasy. On forums. Thus, lulz ensue as fanboys flame each other's series.

LOLICON!?![edit]

Pedophilia? In my animu?
King of the pedos, and smooth operator.

The loli character, MOMO, is of particular interest, because she's 10. And she has the most revealing outfits of all of the characters (except Shion in episode three, due to the inverse proportion of Sequel # to Shion's Clothed Body). MOMO also has the most revealing swimsuits. Many argue, including pedophiles themselves, that the game makers were pedophiles. Anyone who disagrees is clearly stupid; a typical screenshot from the animu (shown right) puts all doubt to rest. In addition, another character rapes MOMO off-camera during a cinema, calling her "his peach" (a subtle metaphor to the peachfuzz on her puss). The sad thing is, she's not even a human. MOMO is not the only one either. At least 100 100-Series units are in the game, and the sick fuck that raped MOMO also faps to those. Below: actual, unaltered screenshots that further confirm the pedophilia from the animu.

You heard her! Pull out pedophile.
Guess he didn't listen :-(

The Animu[edit]

Intricate attention to detail!
Xenosaga's lead Jedi black person.

Seeing as how the game is more focused on plot than actual gameplay, it was inevitable that the Japs would make a fucking anime out of it. However, in an outstanding display of failure, instead of focusing on making the storyline good, it ended up being even more badly written than the games storyline. In fact, it's so bad that the games fanbase (which is at least 90% weaboo) hates it just as much as everybody else. Also, the animation actually looks crappier than the games PS2 graphics, which some say is just as bad as dividing by zero.

16 year old girls love the series[edit]

The main character has some issues with his twin brother which induces lots of 16 year old fangurls writing buttsex fanfiction on how they're SO ANGRY AT EACH OTHER, THEY JUST REALLY WANNA FUCK, THEY LOVE EACHOTHER KAWAII!! ^_^!!1! DESU DESU DESU! He also has BLUE EYES and a fancy name like most RPG tard heads which is deemed COOL to the geeks. No one gives a damn about this game and it's crapped Days of Our Lives story line except with sucky character development, that doesn't even show how some characters romance evolves in the game, "My lover is dead I think I'll love you now let's place hints all over the games and make two scenes where we talk alone. Oh no I'm sorry I betrayed you and I went back to my douche lover, now you want to kill me because I pissed you off even though we hardly talk at all. FORGIVE ME!" Yes that is seriously how these shit games are played out. With all those damn cinemas you'd think they'd developed that cockshit out. And also do the other characters have a reason to be there? No, they're just "aids" dressed in an embarrassing fashion and add in some 2 cents every 5 hours. Man, fuck RPGs. (He's probably fucking his brother anyway according to the fangurls)

This game features vore, pedophiles, mechanophiles, sci-fi nerds, and RPG players, typically the scum of society.

The story of Xenoshit in 5 seconds[edit]

Japanese Strapon.gif

There, I saved you a week's worth of cutscenes.

See also[edit]

  • Xenogears - Prequel/sequel/5th episode depending on which fanboy you ask. Known as Xenosaga V: Die Endlösung.

External Links[edit]

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