Xenu (German: Xemu) is fictional character invented by L.Ron Hubbard as the main bad guy in his sci-fi story that scientologists base their religion on. It is not to be confused with "Xeno" Which is greek for "alien." Xenu is supposed to be a super secret, only known to the admins, but it was leaked by South Park and L.Ron Hubbard.
Once upon a time (75 million years ago to be more precise) there was an alien galactic ruler named Xenu. Xenu was in charge of all the planets in this part of the galaxy including our own planet Earth, except in those days it was called Teegeeack. Now Xenu had a problem. All of the 76 planets he controlled were overpopulated. Each planet had on average 178 billion people. He wanted to get rid of all the overpopulation so he had a plan. Xenu took over complete control with the help of renegades to defeat the good people and the Loyal Officers. Then with the help of psychiatrists he called in billions of people for income tax inspections where they were instead given injections of alcohol and glycol mixed to paralyse them. Then they were put into space planes that looked exactly like DC8s (except they had rocket motors instead of propellers). These DC8 space planes then flew to planet Earth where the paralyzed people were stacked around the bases of volcanoes in their hundreds of billions. When they had finished stacking them around then H-bombs were lowered into the volcanoes. Xenu then detonated all the H-bombs at the same time and everyone was killed. The story doesn't end there though. Since everyone has a soul (called a "thetan" in this story) then you have to trick souls into not coming back again. So while the hundreds of billions of souls were being blown around by the nuclear winds he had special electronic traps that caught all the souls in electronic beams (the electronic beams were sticky like fly-paper). After he had captured all these souls he had them packed into boxes and taken to a few huge cinemas. There all the souls had to spend days watching special 3D motion pictures that told them what life should be like and many confusing things. In this film they were shown false pictures and told they were God, The Devil and Christ. In the story this process is called "implanting". When the films ended and the souls left the cinema these souls started to stick together because since they had all seen the same film they thought they were the same people. They clustered in groups of a few thousand. Now because there were only a few living bodies left they stayed as clusters and inhabited these bodies. As for Xenu, the Loyal Officers finally overthrew him and they locked him away in a mountain on one of the planets. He is kept in by a force-field powered by an eternal battery and Xenu is still alive today.
Xenu ruled all 76 planets.
They were overpopulated w/something-billion people.
He didn't want and had developed a plan to fix it.
He got help from teh renegades to destroy some people.
Then some psychiatrists helped and called billions of people for tax inspections & instead they injected them with something to paralyze them.
Then they put them in space planes that looked similar to DC8s.
He put them on planet Teegeeack, stacked the bodies around volcanoes, put H-bombs in said volcanoes, and sploded them at the same time, thus pwning them.
BUT since all people have a "thetan"(soul), you have to trick them into nevar coming back again.
So, while the "thetan" were being blasted around via nuclear wind, he had magical electric traps set (cause everybody knows that things stick to electricity).
Afterwards, Xenu packed the souls in boxes and made them watch some 3D movies about how life should be and other crap, including fake pix of the "real" God, devil, & Christ.
This process is called implanting.
They then somehow got confused and stuck together since they though they were the same people and stayed that way, resulting in fewer bodies.
Xenu was eventually overthrown by the Loyal Officers and was locked on top of a mountain on a planet.
He's still alive today and is kept in by an eternal battery-powered forcefield.
However, he recently escaped and is now an Australian politician. Xenu was an asshole who got put into a rock for being Hitler.
Sci-fags don't want you to know
Many Scientologists, when confronted with questions about our favorite intergalactic warlord Xenu, are quick to dismiss him as a lie, and that he does not exist in their dogma. However, the products of the Xenu story -- thetans -- are not met with the same dismissal. Without Xenu murdering his space alien constituents, there would be no thetans, and thus no basis of their religion (which, from what I understand, is removing the thetans from your body). Poor Xenu.
(IOW: removing Xenu from Scientology is like removing a literal devil and a literal Adam and Eve - and therefore original sin - from Christianity. It makes the entire religion pointless, because it removes the problem that the religion purports to fix.)
It isn't known if they don't want you to know about Lord Xenu because either you haven't paid enough money yet or because they know how stupid it sounds, but Sci-fags all over the world will deny the Xenu story, especially if confronted by the recording of L.Ron Hubbard telling it.
Note, Scientology having google remove xenu.net from scientology searches: 
When a random new-fag posed a question about Xenu on yahoo answers,  a sci-fag gave the typical response, not mentioning Xenu at all but was very quick to point the finger and shout "BIGOT!"
—TL;DR BAWWWW you 4CHAN peoples suck cos you dont's know anything about us except on you H8TERS sites!!
Well, this editor WENT to Scientology.org, and he found that it boils down to the following message: BUY MY SHIT, BITCHES!!!11!!1
This information came at the cost of roughly one minute of the editor's life; he is currently suing the Church to make them give it back for all that bullshit.
Origin of Xenu
Xenu (as Xemu) first appeared in 1962 in Marvel Comic's Strange Tales Vol. 1 #103 as the evil prime minister of the fifth dimension, against the Human Torch. L. Ron Hubbard, Who we can only assume loved the Human Torch, gave him a promotion to Overlord of the galaxy and Plagiarized the character to star in his "Space epic", in 1967. And of course would become the equivalent of Satan in his church.
Gallery of Xenu
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