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Yokeup

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Info non-talk.png Yokeup is on wife #5. lulz.
Evidence for evolution, or maybe for manbearpig

YouTube Favicon.png Yokeup is a notoriously homophobic,shit-for-brains, delusional christfag fucktard, who spends his time beating the devil out of his closeted lesbian wife, telling atheists and gays that they don't exist, and making evangelical YouTube videos. While Yokeup's existence is for the most part, utterly meaningless, he does raise important questions, such as; how does he manage to use a mouse without thumbs; and how can an orangutan operate a computer? These questions could probably be answered by scientists, but he doesn't believe in science, so his one meaningful quality will go to waste. When not beating the gay out of his wife or lynching atheists, Yokeup likes to excrete hate-mongering videos on YouTube, notable for their prelude of "this is not hate speech" somewhat similar to prefacing obvious copypasta with "this is not copypasta."

Contents

Initial Appearance

Because we all know Jesus would have packed heat.

While you may initially mistake Yokeup for your typical run-of-the-mill lovable southern bumpkin Christian, it doesn't take long to recognize him for the Clueless, angry human garbage,loser,poor immitation of a man,mentally disturbed, fundie, homophobic sexist, racist, right-wing, queer beating, young earth creationist and some say The AntiChrist himself douchebag that he really is. Yokeup's species is however, slightly more difficult to discern, as he has the sloping brow of the Homo habilis species, the chin length and mental capacity of the earlier Pierolapithecus catalaunicus family, and the common courtesy of a starving, rabid Hyena on PCP. NOTE: If you pay close attention, there is a very small 666 number among his tattoo's (left arm to the right)

He is also a fat piece of shit.
So, he's what Brett Keane would be if he was raised by the cast of Deliverance.

Yokeup chooses who gets thrown into the Human Landfill


 
 
"Atheists, Agnostics, Gays: Human Garbage Dumps...get tossed aside a burned."
 

 

Wife

Totally not a lesbian
Yokeups faithful punching bag, Caroline (a local well-known homosexual female), appears in pretty much all of Yokeup's videos, but mostly as decoration or to blindly affirm something that Yokeup said. Although she clearly breaks the no women on the internets rule, she is excused as her master and lord Yokeup makes sure she doesn't say anything stupid by monitoring all her videos. Yeah, women are like that, got to keep them on a short leash. According to Caroline, she was a lesbian for 15 years, then got saved through the love of Jesus. The truth, however, is that women got tired of her old and worn out body, so she was forced to turn to Yokeup for sexual stimulation. Currently her life on YouTube revolves around trying to convince "bellathehappyloser" that she is neither an atheist, nor a lesbian, while trying to hide her deep lesbian love affair with Xild.

UPDATE: Caroline has since given up on bellathehappyloser and has since taken to incoherent textual comments, video faggotry, and camwhoring for Christ.

Music

Oh exploitable
As well as her full time job as an atheist lyncher and gay beater, she also enjoys making corny christian country music. Her songs are filled with lyrics regarding American military superiority and always feature generic background music. Fun fact, she even sings like a lesbian.




Yokeup is The Anti-Christ

You might be telling yourself;this can't be!,after all, the antichrist supposed to be intelligent able to confuse people,confident,winner of souls and with a strong self esteem and yokeup on the other hand is a complete moron,but hey, don't be fool by that,his attacks on christians are legendaries!

So White Trash it Makes Me Want to Cry

On-line Drama

Videos

Yokeups first challenge to atheists consisted of telling them that he would say "God bless you" to a stranger, if they said "fuck" you to a stranger. Nobody had any idea what he meant by that, and he was promptly pwnt by Nick Gisburne. His second challenge consisted of challenging TheAmazingAtheist to a wrestling match. Normally a challenge this blatantly homosexual would be taken up by TheAmazingAtheist in a flash, but due to various laws prohibiting zoophilia he was forced to pull out. Yokeups most recent challenge to atheists involved asking atheists to prove that they exist. Over 9000 YouTube atheists took up and defeated the challenge, by merely showing up on camera.

Yokeup's Fast

Last Thursday, Yokeup announced that he would go on a 40 day fast for Jesus and he challenged YouTube atheists to do the same. Yokeup claimed that only a true Christian would be able to survive for 40 days without food as only they can live off the spirit of Jesus...and soup and “protein drinks”. Yokeup got pissed off when a load of atheists accepted his challenge. Yokeup personally dropped by their channels to tell them that they were darksided and would fail due to negative thetans or something. During the fast, it was noted with curiosity that Yokeup seemed to be gaining weight, which would make him the only person in the world who can get fatter while not eating. Rather than address these accusations, Yokeup decided to continue the fast, step up the comment trolling of YouTube atheists and gain moar weight. After the "fast" finished, he celebrated by going out to breakfast and eating a shitload of food. But waitaminute, if you haven’t been eating solid food for even 20 days, eating is the painful equivalent of giving birth. This means either Yokeup is a fucking liar and a typical christfag hypocrite, or that he consumed so much soup and protein drinks that what he did could hardly be considered a fast.

Debate with a Muslim

Yokeup stepped way out of his biological depth when he agreed to participate in a religious debate with an Islamic Homo Sapiens called Tangier9. This was Yoekup's failed attempt to save face after TommyfromthefuckingfuckingBronx asserted that Yokeup was too pussy to debate a Muslim. Turns out Yokeup brain is smaller than his penis, since he instantly lost the debate by admitting under no pressure, that he was utterly wrong, and forfeited the debate without even realizing what he had done. The subject of the debate was "Does salvation through Christ make sense" And right off the bat Yokeup said, "Salvation through Christ makes no sense." He didn't realize the mistake, and continued "debating" obliviously, and wondered why everyone kept laughing at him. Christians all over YouTube facepalmed, and filthy Mujahadeen insurgents who hate our freedom rejoiced. Even without this monumental cock-up (his ass), Yokeup still got slaughtered. He was replying to all of Tangier's pwnage with "loldunno, im just a truck driver that loves jesus, hyuck hyuck hyuck."

Great Quotes of Our Time

   
 
Prove it... prove you're an atheist... prove it.. YOU CAN'T

God bless you and stop being stupid.
 


 
 

—yokeup, a true man of genius


   
 
Gods word says that every bodies done seen him... and i believe that
 

 
 

—Caroline, not so good with dem tricky sentences


   
 
George W Bush WILL be remembered as one of the best presidents ever to serve this nation. period, end of story
 

 
 

—redneck levels are over 9000


   
 
To everyone so called "American" who dislikes our military and thinks they are murderers and should not be doing their jobs...GO LIVE SOMEWHERE ELSE! We don't need or want you in this country if you are not going to support our military..it's because of them, since the revolutionary war, that you have the freedoms you do! Start being grateful and show some respect and patriotism for once in your life or LEAVE!
 

 
 

— Caroline, doesnt need you in her country


   
 
It's all the fault of the atheists. If it wasn't for atheists there wouldn't be any thugs. If it wasn't for atheists there wouldn't be any fights. If it wasn't for atheists there wouldn't be any sorrow. If it wasn't for atheists the world would be a better place.
 

 
 

— Forgetting atheists don't exist

Youtube Channel

On Jan 21st, he shut down his old youtube account after getting alot of heat from other youtubers over his general attitude towards everybody. Of course, he re-opened his channel, here where the lulz can continue.

The Circlejerk of Creationist Trolls


'Want more Creationist Troll Aktion?'
BEHOLD! the Circlejerk of Creationist Trolls!
Geerup....NephilimFree...Frank'sVoice....ShockofGod...TruthfulChristian....VenomFangX...Yokeup....YouLoveMolly

External Links

See Also


Yokeup
is part of a series on
Christianity
Badass jesus.jpg
Blessed by God
Beliefs, Events, Traditions and Other Drama
Pissing Off the Almighty
Heathens
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Yokeup is part of a series on YouTube.

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