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YouTube Staff

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Only Youtube could find employees cheaper than Mexicans

YouTube Staff Members

YouTube.com runs on cronyism and favoritism. The fastest way to get your no-talent-loser ass seen by more people on the site (and even become a Partner and get paid to post your crap) is to suck up to one of the following YouTube HQ con-artists.


Steve Chen

Steve Chen. Sly asian. Invented view-spamming
  • Username: Steve
  • Member since: April 28, 2005
  • Job: Executive Director
  • He made view-spamming easy on YouTube to trick Google into thinking that the site was more popular than it really was.
  • He got badly burnt by talking to Argent009 and Irish282 in the early days on YouTube so he rarely communicates with any of the site's users anymore.


Chad Hurley

Chad Hurley. Currently selling ice to Eskimos (or Snow Niggers as he calls them)
  • Username: Chad
  • member since: April 24, 2005
  • Job: Executive Director
  • He was always too busy lying to Google about how great his site was to bother with the people who posted the stolen content that he was selling.


Jawed Karim

Jawed. Paki
  • Username: Jawed
  • Member since: April 23, 2005
  • Job: Quit after the Google buyout
  • Jawed is an unusually clever paki and he took the money from the Google buyout and went back to school. He openly admits that YouTube is a pointless waste of time for anyone that posts videos on it. He reportedly enjoyed watching TheDispatcher's public service videos telling "community" members to get the fuck off the site back when it was first created.


Michael Powers

Michael Powers and UpDownMostly. Apparently there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for this...
  • Username: mpowers
  • Member since March 02, 2006
  • Job: Head of Product Developement
  • Email: [email protected]
  • Bay area homosexual in his forties with a shaved head. You can't miss him, he looks like an extra from a gay boyband video.
  • Michael Powers loves sycophants. He will talk to anyone who tells him how great he is doing, as long as that is all that they want to do. As soon as anyone points out that YouTube Inc has never turned a profit in its entire existance and that most of the "views" on the site are just people auto-refreshing their own videos he will clam up as tight as a straight guy's ass around..., well..., someone like Michael Powers.
  • Michael Powers was the person who chose Damien Estreich to be the "Community Advocate" even though he was asked not to by members of the "community". He still refuses to believe that he fucked up despite the fact that the "community" rejected Damien Estreich so fiercely he had to change the job-title to "Community Specialist" and without YouTube HQ promoting Estreich's crap he has to use contests and boob-shot videos to scrape together a few losers to watch his channel.
  • Michael Powers was also the person who promoted Producing101 as YouTube's flagship Guru channel by featuring Producing101's $7000 contest video. Producing101 (Jeremy Kinnear) proceeded to spend the next 8 months sitting on Stickam getting stoned and the contest never happened. Michael Powers still refuses to believe he made a mistake.


Maryrose Dunton

Plz leave me alone
  • Username: maryrose
  • Member since July 16, 2005
  • Job: Member of the Product Development Team
  • Email: [email protected]
  • She is just a fag-hag for Michael Powers that agrees with everything he says and trys to keep out of everyone's way.
  • She was originally a Bay Area prostitute that Steve Chen picked up in a bar and never managed to shake off.
  • when renetto thought he was cybering with steve after calling for a DDos attack on YouTube to stop mr safety from cheating; he was actually cybering with Maryrose, who accesses the "steve" and "chad" accounts as Steve and Chad are to busys with hookers and blow and laughing about how google "bought it" (the lie about the site, not the site).

Joe Smith

Burgers and Kleenex. What more is there to life?
  • Username: BigJoeSmith
  • Member since April 28, 2006
  • Human porn filter and so-called sub-Editor
  • Email [email protected]
  • Joe Smith was castrated in a childhood accident which caused him to become a fat bastard. To stop people from calling him Phattie Joe Smith, he called himself Big Joe Smith.
BigJoeSmith. You either have to kiss that ass or pay it.
Rape is imminent
  • He is incredibly greedy. He will accept bribes (in the region of several hundred dollars) to feature anyone on YouTube.
  • Joe is YouTube's fulltime eunuch. He is employed to screen thousands of videos a day for pornographic content. Joe's exceptionally low intelligence (IQ 45) allows him to watch video after video without being distracted by high-level thoughts about his life that is rapidly slipping away second by second, porn video by porn video.
  • Joe has to stand up to be able to touch his genitals which are otherwise locked away under several folds of flesh. This means that even if he does get aroused, he is unable to do anything that might make the other YouTube sub-Editors sitting beside him suspicious. This makes him ideal as a porn filter.
  • Joe carelessly confided in another YouTuber ( SMPfilms) that the only way that he (Joe) can get an erection is to rub his penis on the fur of live cat. SMPfilms then used this information to make dozens of cat videos so that Joe would promote the SMPfilms YouTube channel; (Predictably enough, Joe Smith featured the first of SMPfilms' cat videos).
  • Joe cannot climax ( orgasm, cum, ejaculate) so as a climax-replacement he has the cat pre-soaked in oil and at the moment of his pseudo-climax he sets fire to it. That type of video cannot be posted on YouTube (yet), but it is rumored that SMPfilms is creating a video were the cat is replaced with a stuffed toy-cat to be the "stunt-cat" that is set on fire (like the rubber chickens he blew-up and ran-over in his previous videos).
I'sa gud people, if you have the cash
  • Joe is the easiest person to get to feature your video, no matter how shit it is. He should be your first target. Spamming his email will work, but money is faster.
  • BigJoeSmith was responsible for featuring a video made by Chuck McBride's Avertising Agency, Cutwater, that contained subliminal advertizing for Rayban sunglasses. The video was posted on a YouTube channel called neverhidefilms. The video itself, "Guy catches glasses with face", was originally view-spammed using a combination of paid-for interstitial adverts on other social networking sites and video auto-players on MySpace. According to BigJoeSmith's version of events, the dummy view-count this created was proof that the video was "going viral" and he said that was why he featured it straight away (otherwise it would never have ended up on the Most Viewed page, YouTube's critical landing page, used by people who want to get seen but don't have a "viral" video or a video with any lasting worth). Most people believe Joe just took another cash bribe (Cutwater is based in San Francisco right beside YouTube HQ and Fat Joe afterall).
  • BigJoeSmith is a pretty cool guy, and he's afraid of nothing. Joe likes to Twatter, and enjoys creating forced memes in his free time. Plz Adv, he doesn't have enough time to watch your crappy vlog unless you're hot.

Mia

Library photo of Mia
  • Username: Miaq
  • Member since September 11, 2006
  • Job: Chief Editor at YouTube
  • Email: [email protected], [email protected]
  • She was employed on the basis of internet media experience that she had listed on her resume. This experience turned out to be non-existent and was just a lie used to secure a job that would cover the cost of the maternity leave which she took almost immediately.
Striderpatrick, born on Christmas Day 2006
  • Mia is always off-her-head on methodone or pain meds, and tries to cover this up by pretending to be an easy going hippy. She even called her new born son (father unknown) Strider Patrick.
  • Despite the child being born severly brain-damaged due to Mia's constant drug use during pregnancy, she made a channel for him on YouTube called striderpatrick and uses him as an excuse for needing everyone else to do her job for her.
  • Other sub-Editors like this arrangement because it means they can give (or sell) feature spots to their "friends" or advertizing companies.
  • Saying MIA stands for "missing in action" became unfunny on roughly the third day of Mia's absenteeism and doing so was prohibited via official YouTube HQ policy on the 56th day.


Sara Pollack

Oven magnet
  • Username: TheStoryBoard
  • Member since September 02, 2006 (Position announced April 19, 2007)
  • Job: Film and Animation category sub-Editor
  • Email: [email protected]
  • Hot kike-bitch with a background in the hardcore porn industry. No one has any idea how she got the job and no one will talk about what she really does at YouTube.


Steve Grove

Steve working late at YouTube watching MelissaJenna videos
  • Username: citizentube
  • Member since: December 11, 2006
  • Job: News and Politics category sub-Editor
  • Real Job: Paid propagandist for Barack Obama attempting to use YouTube to create America's first nigra President.
  • Email: [email protected]
  • Steve was orignally hounded out off his home town of Northfield, Minnesota for his nigger loving ways.
  • Steve has not gotten laid since he joined YouTube last December.
  • Steve wants to fuck the shit out off TheResident (according to Michael Powers, who is apparently never wrong).
  • Steve keeps featuring and promoting theResidents videos (srsly go check, she is in a featured video roughly once every 3 weeks).
  • Steve pushed for theResident to be made a YouTube Partner when she had less than 10,000 subscribers
  • Steve really, really, really wants to fuck the shit out off a vapid blonde 24 year-old called MelissaJenna. MelissaJenna nomally blogs about hair and makeup and behaves like a 16 year old girl. Since she is attractive she got picked to ask a question in the YouTube/CNN Presidential debate (big deal). On the strength of that appearance, little Steve "gagging-for-it" Grove got her channel turned into a YouTube Partner account despite the fact that she had only been on YouTube for less than 3 months and had less than 3000 subscribers. This leapfrogged her over thousands of more deserving applicants that were (and still are) waiting to join the paid Partner Program.
  • While at an official YouTube gathering in Sydney Australia for a few privilaged members of the site on 23 Oct 2007, Steve made it patently obvious to TheHill88 and CommunityChannel that he would do anything for some female attention. TheHill88, who had recently had her YouTube channel/life suspended for cheating, used her now reinstated account (which has apparently lost its Partner status) to immediately make a suck-up video (complete with boob jiggling) for Steve, most likely in the hope of being allowed back into the partner program.

Felicia

Job interviews at YouTube are very thorough. They prefer to pick people off the street rather than advertize. People who know they are shit at their job don't rock the boat.
  • Username: webisodewiz
  • Member since September 07, 2007
  • Job: Entertainment category sub-Editor
  • Real Job: Tricking filmmakers into posting episodic LonelyGirl15 style videos on YouTube by promising to continuously promote them above everyone else's content no matter how crap the "webisodes" are.
  • Email: [email protected]
  • Felicia is a newfag from Lowell, MA who couldn't even make a working intro video, but has been put in charge of promoting or killing other people's work


Damien Estreich

Damien Estreich. So shit, he is not even allowed in the boat.
  • Username: YourTubeNEWS or damienestreich
  • Member since October 13, 2006
  • Job: Listed as "Community Specialist" after being rejected as the "Community Advocate"
  • Real Job: No one knows.
  • Email: [email protected]
  • Real Email for people in the Top 100 Most Subscribed: Dami[email protected]
  • He is said to live and "work" in the basement of his married friend's house. He is believed to masturbate all day to child porn. (He stopped vlogging about CP after YouTube HQ received complaints, but one of his CP vlogs about schoolgirl strippers is still up).
  • Damien Estreich was given the job of "Community whatever" by Michael "know-it-all" Powers without the job being advertized and without Damien Estreich having the qualifications or experience to be a "Community-anything". Go and look. Despite claiming to have been "working" with internet communities for 9 years (since he was 13 yrs old?), Damien Estreich has absolutely no online presence before YouTube.
  • Currently Damien Estreich is being ignored by everyone despite his efforts to scam people into watching his shit videos by using;
    • boob shots,
    • other YouTubers
    • begging for reponses
    • creating scam contests

and all the other tricks he used as a cover for running an auto-refresher in December 2006.

Heather Gillette

Heather was here
  • Contact page: www.youtube.com/t/dmca_policy
  • Email: [email protected], [email protected]
  • Job: YouTube's designated Copyright Agent
  • Real Job: No shit, YouTube really has a Copyright Agent. I know you just watched the Star Wars episode of Family Guy on YouTube, but she srsly gets paid for dealing with copyright infringement notices (which mainly consists of hundreds of false DMCA's from Irish282 every week).

MarkDayComedy

Funny has left the building
  • Username: MarkDayComedy
  • Member since March 25, 2006
  • Job: Comedy category sub-Editor
  • Real Job: Kissing Mia's ass in an exaggerated Scottish accent.
  • Email: [email protected]
  • Mark Day thinks that stating the fucking obvious in an irritating Scottish accent is funny. Mia, the Chief Editor at YouTube, has admitted that Scottish accents make her wet and that is why she personally befriended Mark Day then proceeded to feature and promote his shit videos for over a year. To make matters worse she then employed Mark Day, the most humor-devoid person on YouTube, as the sub-Editor of the Comedy category on 1st February 2008.


Latest Abuse of Staff Privilages

All Partner videos are exempt from being flagged, which means that the staff-member's pets (ie. the Partners) can cheat away all they like and they cannot be reported. Any video that complains about this or the cheating that the Partners are doing is immediately flagged.

Related Articles

Future Articles In This Series

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