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YouTube Staff

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Only Youtube could find employees cheaper than Mexicans

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YouTube Staff Members

YouTube.com runs on cronyism and favoritism. The fastest way to get your no-talent-loser ass seen by more people on the site (and even become a Partner and get paid to post your crap) is to suck up to one of the following YouTube HQ con-artists.


Steve Chen

Steve Chen. Sly asian. Invented view-spamming
  • Username: Steve
  • Member since: April 28, 2005
  • Job: Executive Director
  • He made view-spamming easy on YouTube to trick Google into thinking that the site was more popular than it really was.
  • He got badly burnt by talking to Argent009 and Irish282 in the early days on YouTube so he rarely communicates with any of the site's users anymore.


Chad Hurley

Chad Hurley. Currently selling ice to Eskimos (or Snow Niggers as he calls them)
  • Username: Chad
  • member since: April 24, 2005
  • Job: Executive Director
  • He was always too busy lying to Google about how great his site was to bother with the people who posted the stolen content that he was selling.


Jawed Karim

Jawed. Paki
  • Username: Jawed
  • Member since: April 23, 2005
  • Job: Quit after the Google buyout
  • Jawed is an unusually clever paki and he took the money from the Google buyout and went back to school. He openly admits that YouTube is a pointless waste of time for anyone that posts videos on it. He reportedly enjoyed watching TheDispatcher's public service videos telling "community" members to get the fuck off the site back when it was first created.


Michael Powers

Michael Powers and UpDownMostly. Apparently there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for this...


Maryrose Dunton

Plz leave me alone

Joe Smith

Burgers and Kleenex. What more is there to life?
BigJoeSmith. You either have to kiss that ass or pay it.
Rape is imminent
  • He is incredibly greedy. He will accept bribes (in the region of several hundred dollars) to feature anyone on YouTube.
  • Joe is YouTube's fulltime eunuch. He is employed to screen thousands of videos a day for pornographic content. Joe's exceptionally low intelligence (IQ 45) allows him to watch video after video without being distracted by high-level thoughts about his life that is rapidly slipping away second by second, porn video by porn video.
  • Joe has to stand up to be able to touch his genitals which are otherwise locked away under several folds of flesh. This means that even if he does get aroused, he is unable to do anything that might make the other YouTube sub-Editors sitting beside him suspicious. This makes him ideal as a porn filter.
  • Joe carelessly confided in another YouTuber ( SMPfilms) that the only way that he (Joe) can get an erection is to rub his penis on the fur of live cat. SMPfilms then used this information to make dozens of cat videos so that Joe would promote the SMPfilms YouTube channel; (Predictably enough, Joe Smith featured the first of SMPfilms' cat videos).
  • Joe cannot climax ( orgasm, cum, ejaculate) so as a climax-replacement he has the cat pre-soaked in oil and at the moment of his pseudo-climax he sets fire to it. That type of video cannot be posted on YouTube (yet), but it is rumored that SMPfilms is creating a video were the cat is replaced with a stuffed toy-cat to be the "stunt-cat" that is set on fire (like the rubber chickens he blew-up and ran-over in his previous videos).
I'sa gud people, if you have the cash
  • Joe is the easiest person to get to feature your video, no matter how shit it is. He should be your first target. Spamming his email will work, but money is faster.
  • BigJoeSmith was responsible for featuring a video made by Chuck McBride's Avertising Agency, Cutwater, that contained subliminal advertizing for Rayban sunglasses. The video was posted on a YouTube channel called neverhidefilms. The video itself, "Guy catches glasses with face", was originally view-spammed using a combination of paid-for interstitial adverts on other social networking sites and video auto-players on MySpace. According to BigJoeSmith's version of events, the dummy view-count this created was proof that the video was "going viral" and he said that was why he featured it straight away (otherwise it would never have ended up on the Most Viewed page, YouTube's critical landing page, used by people who want to get seen but don't have a "viral" video or a video with any lasting worth). Most people believe Joe just took another cash bribe (Cutwater is based in San Francisco right beside YouTube HQ and Fat Joe afterall).
  • BigJoeSmith is a pretty cool guy, and he's afraid of nothing. Joe likes to Twatter, and enjoys creating forced memes in his free time. Plz Adv, he doesn't have enough time to watch your crappy vlog unless you're hot.

Mia

Library photo of Mia
Striderpatrick, born on Christmas Day 2006
  • Mia is always off-her-head on methodone or pain meds, and tries to cover this up by pretending to be an easy going hippy. She even called her new born son (father unknown) Strider Patrick.
  • Despite the child being born severly brain-damaged due to Mia's constant drug use during pregnancy, she made a channel for him on YouTube called striderpatrick and uses him as an excuse for needing everyone else to do her job for her.
  • Other sub-Editors like this arrangement because it means they can give (or sell) feature spots to their "friends" or advertizing companies.
  • Saying MIA stands for "missing in action" became unfunny on roughly the third day of Mia's absenteeism and doing so was prohibited via official YouTube HQ policy on the 56th day.


Sara Pollack

Oven magnet


Steve Grove

Steve working late at YouTube watching MelissaJenna videos

Felicia

Job interviews at YouTube are very thorough. They prefer to pick people off the street rather than advertize. People who know they are shit at their job don't rock the boat.


Damien Estreich

Damien Estreich. So shit, he is not even allowed in the boat.

and all the other tricks he used as a cover for running an auto-refresher in December 2006.

Heather Gillette

Heather was here

MarkDayComedy

Funny has left the building


Latest Abuse of Staff Privilages

All Partner videos are exempt from being flagged, which means that the staff-member's pets (ie. the Partners) can cheat away all they like and they cannot be reported. Any video that complains about this or the cheating that the Partners are doing is immediately flagged.

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