You don't have any friends

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A hilarious insult that can be used by elitist internet celebrities, GLaDOS, rich and beautiful supermodels or the most common of dirty, filthy trolls.

By using this epithet, your e-nemy will be instantly pwned. You may crown yourself king or queen of pwn at your leisure, or have one of your doubtless multitude of friends do it for you.

An example of iron-clad super awesome pwnership forever:

Paigegirl: Sup elgorgo come join our circle of friends!
Elgorgo: Awesome! OMG You have no idea how long I have
         been waiting for acceptance from you guys!
Auntiesiannan: LOL Psyche!   
Elgorgo: Wha- what's happening friends?   
Admiral Ackbar: It's a trap!   
Voysu: Haha! You're a faggot! Get the fuck out.   
Elgorgo: No wait! I thought you guiz were my e-pals 4ever IRL!   
Paigegirl: Friends? You don't have any friends!   
Elgorgo: Internet why have you forsaken me!   
Kamuela: I hereby banish you from all friendship on the internets.   
 Elgorgo cries emo tears of forever sorrow, dies.   
Kamuela: Hurting elgorgo's feelings is of great interest to me.   
Ghostlight: [Rushing back in] Did I miss it? I was changing hats.   
Gollum to Sméagol: "You don't have any friends. Nobody likes you."
Sméagol has been pwned and will now show Frodo's chatlogs to Shelob.

Any victim of such a powerful pwn-fu will suffer the grandest of humiliations. They must quit LiveJournal forever and begin cutting in exile. As a result, teh winnar draws power from the victim's sweet juice of failure.

BEWARE! There is an inherent danger in using this classic comeback, as it only works if you have enough friends or sock journals online at the moment to back you up! Do not attempt this unprepared! Even the most popular of cheerleaders can be reduced to basement-dweller status by a well-connected nerd if she does not keep a group of sycophants ready for instant deployment at all times.

Popularity is more important than being right. This is a fact.

Alterations on this ineffable attack include:

  • Noone likes you.
  • You're a faggot. Get the fuck out.
  • No one will ever accept you! Not like my clique accepts me!


All your other friends couldn't come either, because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are. It says so right here in your personnel file: "Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned, SHALL NOT BE MOURNED". That's exactly what it says, very formal, very official. It also says you were adopted, so that's funny too.


See Also

Featured article March 18, 2006
Preceded by
Futuristic Sex Robotz
You don't have any friends Succeeded by
Victim complex