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Zippocat is a classic drama-inducing series of images showing a cat being doused in lighter fluid and set ablaze. It is /b/'s standard response to any overly cute picture of a cat, and posting this on LJ or on a MySpace group's page is guaranteed fun, (and absolutely necessary) as it is one of the few pictures to evoke true anger in the internet populace. Example:
- Dude1: Hey man, check this out! *sends a picture of a little girl being force fed the chopped up remains of her family after someone murdered them*
- Dude2: That's fucked up, lol.
- Dude1: Yeah, check this out as well. *sends Zippocat*
- Dude2: WHY U SENDING ME DIS SHIT!?!?!?! RAAAAARGH IM GONNA KILL U MOTHAFUCKKER!!!!!!
This is the kind of shit that you just know was made in Russia. This use of images is for true trolls who liberate the net from faggotry while getting kicks from animal lovers BAWWWing in pain while their eyes get raped.
Posting Zippocat guarantees a 100% ban from wherever you post it.
How to troll cat lovers
Sometimes, when Caturday becomes just too kawaii, you need to remind people of the real world. And what is the best way to make catfags remember IRL? Yup, you guessed it, a good ol' flood of gore. You will get thousands of butthurt replies, and you can feel like the master of trolling for a while. It's like meth, without the ugly aftermath.
Also you just have to post the image of Zippocat (or add some story like you find it funny, etc.) to troll cat-lovers. If done correctly it should look something like this:
Ways to torture a cat:
1 - Kick it around, you know, when the fucker gets in your way, whether it be when you're taking a shit and it comes in and watches, or when you're sleeping and it sits on your face. Just put a little force into it and BLAM! The fucker goes flying. It's especially nice to watch a cat go flying on a wood floor, with all four spread, doing 360's and crying like a Mexican without his burrito. Kicking him from under (like under the stomach) let's loose a flying cat, spinning and twirling in the air. Happycat does not approve of this article, but LinktheWolf does.
2 - Tail tricks....This is the fun part...Seeing the cat can't really get to it's tail, you can do shit with it and the cat it defenseless. Try tying the cat's tail to his front paw, cuz everyone time it walks, it's tail get's pulled, looks like some diseased person trying to walk. Or even better, get a nice grab of the tail, and start spinning the cat around using it, the cat will have to take the pain, cuz by force of nature, it can't reach it's paws around to scratch you since it's spinning so fast it's paws are spread-eagle like. If you have glue, and the cat's tail is long enough, or maybe just a tad shorter, you can glue it's tail to it's nose, which is cool. The cat moves his head and his ass comes up with it (how'z that for a chain reaction?) Like it'll be walking around town with it's ass all dangling up, all the other furry fucks will ram it up, which in turn, will make the cat freak when it tries to sit down (get it?). But that's kinda mean.
3 - I'm a cat person. I absolutely love them. But do you know what I enjoy most about cats? Killing them. It's soooo fun. Nothing gives me more pleasure then buying a newborn kitten from the animal shelter, taking it home, putting it in a blender with the top off, pressing the button and watching its guts fly around the room! Just to hear that one little "MEW" before its lungs are shredded by the blades.
Another fun thing to do with cats is to tie a cat to a clothesline by its tail. Of course, you'll have to nail its tail to itself after snapping it to make a harness, but after that, its nothing but cat-writhing fun. Something I like to do is to hit the cat with elongated blunt objects like a tetherball. Nothing quite makes me as happy as when its screams are temporarily muffled when you hit it the chest. PROTIP: Aim for the head. If you do it well enough, its brains and blood will shower upon its skull being crushed.
In The End
In the end the cat killer was never found and never will be. The trail had gone cold years ago and all of 4chan's pathertic macho posturing about "Don't mess with cats or /b/ will get you" and "Anonymous does not forgive and does not forget" had, once again, ultimately defalted into, yet another, humiliating defeat to the fat nerds on the chans.
- Wang Jeu
- Pyromaniac Guy
- KILL IT WITH FIRE
- Bonsai Kitten
- Kenny Glenn
- Jessica Brooks
- Cheyenne Cherry
is part of a series on
Bad things that happen to animals
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