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Myah Walker

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Looks just like mummy!

An innocent post on Something Awful about the love of a psycho for her brainless child brought out strange feelings of sympathy and disgust among Goons in regards to the story of poor Myah Walker, 23-year-old single mom of a special needs kid with Anencephaly. Goons, being a compassionate lot, decided to dig a little deeper into this fabulous, tawdry soap opera of a fundie pro-life girl and her meatsack.

Twenty-some pages later, they struck gold.

Contents

Jesus Loves Me! I think...

What a lovely adulterous fundie couple.

Myah is a Canadian born-again Christian (as of Easter 2008) who enjoys such activities as pissing off the locals of Moncton, NB, by open-air preaching with some douche who has a soul patch that she found on a message board. During the summer of 2008, a couple of months after she converted to hardcore fundamentalist Christianity, Myah discovered she was pregnant with a half-brained baby whom she unironically named Faith Hope. A normal person would have aborted that shit with quickness, but our girl Myah decided to use the Zombaby as a tool of pro-life propaganda, going on speaking tours, creating blogs, and asking for prayers, drugs, brains, strollers and whatever else she could grub to appease the world's tiniest zombie.

Zombaby

Blessed baby Faith Hope entered this cruel world on February 19th, 2009. She lives with her mother, who tapes her eyes shut to make sure they don't fall out[1]. Baby Faith's hobbies include gasping for breath, drooling, twitching spastically, and lying around like a slug while her mother pokes her and laughs.

Her mother believes that she is truly advanced for her age. Watch out, MENSA, you'll have a new member joining your ranks soon!

Frisky!


   
 
Today, as I type this, Faith is 10 weeks old (+ 1 day) and thriving! She is totally conscious and is as responsive as any "normal" baby. She is very sensitive to touch (especially when it's cold!) and can definitely hear. She smiles, coos, cries, and is a feisty little girl ;) She knows what she likes and dislikes and she'll let you know - she has her own little personality that we just can't get enough of. We have been shocked by her development...from day 1 she was smiling and saying baby words ("boo" "gee" "happen"... yeah). She could lift her own head from birth and when she sat up on her own at 5 days old, needless to say, we were amazed :)
 

 
 

—Myah truly believes her baby is normal.

The Plot Sickens

When a young Christian girl gets pregnant and forms a brainless babby, something's not right. That something was Myah's Baby Daddy and that's how, somehow, it was discovered that Dan Lirette, Myah's married preacher, had gotten her pregnant and abandoned her. This led to one hell of a mass Googling of Dan Liretter, wherein it was discovered that his batshittery reached whole new levels. Apparently this faggot is a philandering cocksucker who has knocked up at least 100 summer interns at Highfield Baptist Church. Because he is a married hypocrite, Dan refused to be a decent human being and totally abandoned Myah and refused to acknowledge or take care of his zombaby. According to Myah her doctors all wanted to cunt scrape her child, but Jesus wouldn't allow her to do that. The tortured couple went their separate ways: Dan went back to his clueless, idiotic wife and Myah went to prepare for the organ harvest.

The Dan Lirette Factor

Dan Lirette is a self-proclaimed open-air preacher from Moncton, NB. His gospel is available for download online, and he posts his Fundamentalist batshittery on over 9,000 different forums and websites.

He has been banned from the public market in Mocnton[2] and all Wal-Marts in Canada. The reasons aren't entirely clear, but it may have to do with his being a confrontational douchebag.

Luckily for us, he posted all about his endeavors online. Up to and including fucking Myah.


   
 
Myah Walker is a student and is working for the church for the summer..

Before I get ahead of myself, let me backstep and explain, in brief, how we met.

I saw an add on a buy/sell/trade site that asked where a good local church could be found.

Of course I had to write and share about Highfield Baptist! HB is an amazing assembly with a family and community oriented atmosphere.

I wrote to Myah and spoke on our assembly and Pastoral Leadership and after chatting for a while she had mentioned she was also seeking employment.

Myah applied with the church and was hired!
 


 
 

—Dan Walker, shortly before getting into Myah's pants.

Oh Lord, the Devil got into my penis and made me sin! Forgive me, Jesus!

Myah, in response to comments about Dan Walker on Facebook, admits that Dan plowed her fertile fundie fields and planted his zombie seed.


   
 
To top it off, I'm also in Ministry, preaching the Gospel Open Air (though under my own Power and not the Power of God!), in the media, known by many and even had a position on the Evangelism Committee in my local assembly.

I became involved in an adulterous affair with a summer student staff member at our church and she became pregnant.

Was what I to do?

I had two options:

1- Run away to another city. 2- Hope for the best without turning to God.

The Lord had option #3 waiting, which I had no clue would happen...you have to remember, I was one who was 99% sure I had blasphemed the Holy Spirit!
 


 
 

—Dan Lirette admits to knocking up Myah Walker.

Of course, as soon as Dan realized that the internet had figured out his little secret, he hastily went back to every forum post of his and removed the incriminating evidence. Unfortunately for him, he didn't realize that Anonymous never forgets.

Leave Myah Alone!

The Internet Hate Machine kicked into top gear, and Myah soon found her blog at the center of internet dramas. Not too surprising, considering that Myah posted that shit in public. Both Reddit.com and Something Awful took her story and ran with it, leading to several sick fucks emailing her with suggestions about how to off the zombaby.

Myah and her hugbox were not pleased, so they called God's wrath down from the Heavens.

Trendy Onsies for Label Whore Zombabies.


   
 
Satan really hates it when God shows up and shows off, doesn't he? And I guess, so do atheists. But I'm told that demons scream their loudest when they're on the way out. So to all of you who sent me hate mail and to all of you who are posting cruel things about my daughter on the internet, I hope your demons are on their way out... You can't expect to say such things about one of God's precious little children and then go unpunished, so I would repent if I were you...or you're in for it. You people posting vile things on the internet about my daughter, you are IN for it. There is a place for people with such hatred and perversion in their hearts, and believe me, it's not a place where you want to go. But that is where you are heading. In a nutshell, Jesus is your only hope. Or you're in for a good long (and well-deserved) burning. That being said, God Bless you all! Even you incredibly evil, demonized people :) P.S. See an exorcist ASAP
 

 
 

—Myah sees the agents of Satan working through the Something Awful.com forums.


   
 
Nice going jerks. Show yourselves for the small-minded, hateful little pricks that you are. We'll expose you.
 

 
 

A blogger fighting the good fight.

Myah Walker The Crazy Stalker

Reports have surfaced that Myah is now demanding payment from Dan Lirette for child support on a dead Zombaby

Gallery

Pictures of the little dear! About missing Pics

See Also

External Links

Myah Walker
is part of a series on
Christianity
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Blessed by God
Beliefs, Events, Traditions and Other Drama
Pissing Off the Almighty
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