Zombies Make me Hot
|WARNING! ZOMBIES AHEAD!|
Please be sure to take extra care while reading this article! Zombies abound. If you are one of those dipshits who always wish for "the day the zombies come to get us all," then this article is for you.
Zombies Make me Hot, or alternately, Zmmh, is a camwhore, dingbat, and general bore who posts on stileprojects TheForum. She initially sneaked on to the scene in 2000 lurking mostly under the guise MichaelMooreWhore. However, once the SPF turned into theforum.com her attention whoring took off. Starting by posting about her annoying and stupid birds (Budgies), it quickly exploded into an exhibitionist drama queen. Her posts are filled with "white knight bait," whining, wishing, and a general lack of any sort of intellect. She also happens to be the world's geekiest female, collecting vast amounts of action figures, Sci-Fi art, and plush toys; leading some to believe she is not really a female at all, but rather a male posting as a troll.
She also has made some really crappy porn videos where she plays with her slob ex-boyfriend and then proceeds to give the world's worst blowjob. It is...seriously...the worst porn ever seen on the internet.
—Too retarded to eat
It is a very, very rare thing to create a whole article about a person on Encyclopedia Dramatica just from his or her own quotes, but if one chose to do so, Zombies Make me Hot would be an excellent choice. Her posts, opinions, and theatrics rattle off like an example of the original "dumb blonde" even if she is really a brunette. She is constantly asked to shut up, and on more than a few occasions, her never-ending babble has been compared to "brain kryptonite." So while it is a very easy thing to just post a large amount of quotes and links, and this would illustrate the massive fail that is Zmmh, it would also be cheating the average ED reader out of a pretty good story and perhaps a warning as well.
—ggdograa summing up most everybody's feelings
People in chat rooms and who post on message boards where she can be found actually lose intelligence while they read her simpering jottings. For every person who notices this phenomena, there are ten internet creeps who will stand at her defense, ignoring their slowly depleting mental faculties, and hoping that she will bless them with yet another glimpse of her camwhore tits, or even better still, a picture of her jacking off with R2-D2. Those who come to her aid do not realize that they themselves have been hooked and are being dragged into her trap of stupidity.
—Zmmh in denial that she needs her ass back in the kitchen
ZMMH collects all sorts of nifty toys. She has gobs of Star Wars action figures and all the other garbage that you would expect some teenage nerd of a boy to collect, however Zmmh is not a teenage boy, but a grown woman. She claims that she is an exhibitionist while she posts pictures of Wookies on her tits and plushy dolls mashed into her boobs. One can only wonder where Boba Fett's rocket has been.
Despite the massive evidence that she is a basement dwelling nerd, there are times when it becomes apparent that she is just a "nerd tease." A perfect example of one of those teases is when she posted links to her website project and demanded help from the Tech forum on stileproject. She received minimal help from the die-hard normal tech guys there, but soon the slobbering masses joined in, as usual, demanding tits for help. For further examples of her trolling see "White Knight Bait" below.
Zmmh Appreciation Thread
—weetarted summing up the whole mess
Recently, a sickening wave of internet faggotry has washed over the normally boring and laid back General Mayhem forum. Some shitheel named Servo posted a "Zmmh appreciation" thread there and when the pictures started rolling in, the internet drama dam could not hold back the massive flood of sugary sweet posts that soon followed. The creeps came out in droves as well, grabbing up any Zmmh picture they could get their greedy, grubby, little internet hands on. Several little theatrical productions played out during the course of the thread, finally culminating in Zmmh deleting fucking everything.
—Dayen during her bi-monthly moment of clarity.
—Arsch, in his usual, succinct manner
While it is obvious that Zmmh is a screeching, crying, and almost overtly urgent attention whore, the true depth of her needs must be examined. Several times she has mentioned the lack of her father, thus explaining her love of dolls, even going so far as to post a thread asking for help with a hangnail because yeah, having a father around is exactly what a person needs to know what a hangnail is. When she was asked about this apparently huge act of retardedness on her part, she simply replied with "lol, I don’t have a dad and my brother is a pussy...I don’t know anything about medical stuff even though I work in a medical profession..."
—God, please stop talking...just shut up
Trolling Rhys Post
Originally posted by Rhys, some crazy stalker type from theforum, who fell for yet another ZMMH trolling:
Wow. I feel like I've heard the bullet as it whistled past. I feel like the flaming garbage truck veered away from my patio table at the last second. I feel like I can smell the faint metallic whiff of your psychosis on the south-west wind. May I remind you we've never met? May I remind you that any opinions we've formed about each other are based SOLELY on messages in this benighted forum? I could be a dwarf in an iron lung, for all you know. I'm pretty sure that you're the real, crazy deal, however. Along with that mental illness tang is the earthy funk of "I'm not kidding here!" Eep. May I remind you (and thanks for quoting my PMs accurately) that I've never encouraged you? I'm going to show this exchange to my wife (I believe I've casually mentioned that I'm married in several dozen posts...since you were eight years old!). You're both a good example and a horrible warning against getting too wrapped up in online personas, or line-breeding in humans. I will also show it to my son on his 12th birthday as Exhibit Number One in the case of "Bitches be crazy vs. you". That and proper condom use might help him avoid...some damn things. Wow. Please, put away the toys. Turn off the loop of Battlestar Galactica. Avoid Flashchat. Please get some sunshine. Please switch off the 'puter, maybe forever. Put some cop tape around your webcam. Snap a shackle lock onto your router. A nice rack will never make up for a damaged psyche, and you've crossed the line into "officially snapped". Posts like this, to paraphrase some epically stupid faggots, just make you seem like a creepy fucking stalker. Wow. Jesus fecking christ on a stick, does your boyfriend know you "love" strangers online? Or is he "virtually" polyamorous as well? Or do you guys rate your fantasy crushes? The dinnertime convos must be scintillating. Wow. Seek help.
Star Trek Scat
Excerpt from her story about Data and pooping:
"SAY!" Riker yelled and the doors shot open. The smell jumped out of the room and revealed Data holding himself up on the toilet, crapping out the worst Diarrhea you ever saw. He moaned in agony as it poured out for a good five minutes. It was going so long it brought tears to the Android's eyes. "My God!" the Ensign said and began to vomit. "My Visor's Overloading!" Geordi said losing control of his balance and dropping to his knees. "That is without Honor" Worf said lowering his phaser. "I'm going to need counseling" Riker said just leaving the room in disgust.
Curiously, she got a small number of replies to this garbage. Perhaps the White Knights don't wish to have shit staining their gleaming armor?
At some point in all of this mess, Zmmh has decided to ask men if their pee lubricates their butthole when they take a shit because when she sits down, she pisses all over her own O-ring, making a comfortable shitting experience. Here are some reactions:
—PhunkyDiabetic, who knows stupid
«2:37:06» microwoman: mmmmmmmmmm water sports «2:37:28» dan: tammy, you dont pee-lube do you? «2:37:50» dan: oh wait, you are from europe. nm
Ravonic: I just want to know how the urine gets up in her asshole, and then mixes with the shit enough to soften it Ravonic: Spock is telling me it defies all logic Kurtz: Rav, I bet she leans back Kurtz: lol Ravonic: even with leaning back Ravonic: that means it runs over her asshole Ravonic: but that doesn't get it IN there Kurtz: shes an idiot. its not going IN her asshole, just over it microwoman: she was just trying to be "edgy" ashp: she is broken clearly Ravonic: but but but she said it softens the poo
White Knight Bait
Zmmh has to keep her audience enthralled or else she loses any sort of mock self-esteem she might have. Besides posting her tits, ass, and Freddy Kruger dolls, she will often post suggestive and misleading phrases involving her sexual escapades. Even though this is the internet, a place where any person's wildest fantasies have been examined in detail and perhaps made into a movie, people flock to the troll's chats about her fetishes, not bothering to once examine the hole growing in their brains.
—Zmmh's daily post about how hot she is
Some crappy fan porn:
Rhys grabbed her (motherfucking big shut up I’m taking writing class) breasts and rubbed them gently in a circular motion until he reached the nipple. She began to breathe deeply and her heart beat voraciously as she began to think about his humongous manmeat. This would be the first time Rhys fucked a forum slut. As he pushed his manhood deep inside her most sacred place he remembered that he was married and his wife would most certainly disapprove of him fucking this forum slut. Especially since she knew that the forum sucked donkey balls and there hasn't been a good post here since that time someone posted about hitler. Hitler's short stocky ball rubbed against the manly bulging chest of Rhys and his moustache reminded him of a joke involving a priest, a rabbi and some african americans.
Using ZmmH to Troll
As we all know, the internet is srs bsns...but it can also be a huge source of comedic entertainment. An IRL/IRC/forum troll was cooked up last year by some of the older, wiser SPF whores and it is still bearing fruit to this day:
In November we had an SPF meet in Vegas, and we were determined to have a wedding in Vegas. We just had to figure out who would be going through the ceremony. It was quickly realized that aesium looked a lot like zombies make me hot, now to decide who the other half would be. Hey I know! Pick the easy going guy! We then had to work out the motif of the wedding. We realized that aesium would have to cover his face with his hair a bit, and that he would HAVE to have an action figure of some sort to hold during the ceremony. Micro and I ran over to CVS and bought MegaMan. It was perfect. Nice and big and couldn't be missed in photos. We had dinner and as time passed it was realized that s33w33d didn't want to go through with it because it was too close to downtown at night (pansy). Knowing that this would take a good portion of the night to run correctly we just headed to the bar instead. It was well established that aesium would now be known as zmmh/zombies/zombies make me hot when speaking to people on irc, and occasionally through posts. aesium was now simply an alter. Over the last few months people will on and off call aesium "Kelly" which is zmmh's real name. The people doing this are not in on the joke, and have no idea that they're the butt of the joke. Today a thread was made calling out zmmh for being a man. "Dirty Harry" is determined to break this case wide open. Little does he know that he's been trolled so fucking hard that he'll cry at night when he realizes once and for all that he can never be any other than a retarded ginger. If his life weren't sad enough as it is, it just got worse.
After being owned and still not realizing it, a good laugh was had at the expense of Dirty Harry.
«9:03:18» slimchance: I hope he kills himself and starts a whole hipster wave of suicide «9:03:25» slimchance: thats all he really wants «9:03:32» Aaron: haha «9:03:49» dan: lol
For further study of Dirty Harry's failure and the general effectiveness of this type of internet trolling (for educational purposes of course) please see the thread located at this external link.
She honestly sounds as if she belongs in special education classes, despite the fact that she will be attending college soon. This does not bode well for the status of the Canadian education system, perhaps they are in the fashion of letting a few retards slip through the cracks every so often. Here are some examples of her moronic posts:
—Kutulhu wondering the same thing all the other normal people were wondering, the last guy is obviousily gay.
While the internet is the place to view tits, it must be stressed that sometimes tits come attached to vacuous and scrabbling harpies with the intellect of a small patch of bright yellow pond scum. And yes, that may be your cup of tea, but you must be warned before you begin your decent. Remember, in the cold vacuum of space, on the Event Horizon of some lifeless sucking hole, nobody will hear you scream...but if you get trolled, you definitely will hear everybody laugh at you.
Leaving the Forum
In early September 2010 ZMMH made (yet another stupid) thread in which she declared she was leaving the Forum forever. Although she claims it being due the SPF/Forum declining rate of quality of posters and content - it's clear she is butt hurt for some reason. Many thought she would instantly return as many attention seeking posters have made similar claim (see teckno bunny) but she has lasted over a week with no new posts or signing in. Could this be the end of Zombies Make Me Hot? Probably not, it's most likely she could not afford internet bills and was disconnected.
|Zombies Make me Hot is part of a series on|
|Cancerr • WAXLABLTABLER • Pyromaniac Guy • Zombies Make me Hot|
|Other Items of Interest|
|Stile Project • Stile Raid • Goatse • TheForum|