Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

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Karl Marx tugs at the clit of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Alexandria Ocasio-CortezTemplate:Communist is a 30-year-old privileged millennial nobody who, on June 26, 2018, somehow managed to defeat incumbent congressman Joe Crowley in the Democratic primary race for Jew York's 14th congressional district despite being a butt-ugly communist retard who has no experience whatsoever in politics or life.

Immediately after pulling off one of the greatest upsets in American politics since Donald J. Trump defeated Adolf Satan in the 2016 Presidential Election, Ocasio-Cortez was quickly adopted by the fuckwits on Liberal Twitter as the new face of the Democratic party and next-generation's answer to Bernie Sanders – a man who almost seems sane when compared to the batshit crazy that is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

What will be her downfall? Plagiarism? Leaked Porn? Lying about her backstory? Jews? (srsly!) (Archive today-ico.png SRSLY!!)

She's bound to fall, and fall hard, real soon--so let's milk this beaner for all the LULZ we can now!

Girlhood: "I'm Still, I'm Still, Sandy from da Bronx Westchester"

Contrary to her sob story of growing up as the destitute daughter of a crack whore in the Bronx, suburban "Sandy" actually grew up in a fairly decent house in neighboring Westchester County. (The budding big teta'd socialist's lie was exposed when TMZ broke the story that Ocasio-Cortez's iPod was rumored to hold only one song on perpetual loop: JLo's "Jenny From the Block.")

Scandal! How could Sandy save her image as a down-with-the-struggle chula who struggled to overcome poverty (and every -ism in existence)? By throwing her mami under the bus, of course!



My mom scrubbed toilets so I could live here., --"Sandy" Ocasio-Cortez throws mami under the bus, 2018

So Sandy's first scandal quickly passed--though some argue that Ocasio-Cortez's tale of her toilet-scrubbing mami is yet another lie, lifted from the Jennifer Lopez White Knight-saves-Brown-Girl movie, "Maid In Manhattan."

2010: Before She Turned Puta Loca

Believe it or not, Alexandria "Sandy" Ocasio-Cortez was actually pretty fun-loving once, willing to bounce her tetas in the name of la vida loca. In these screengrabs from a 2010 Boston University ripoff of The Breakfast Club, "Sandy" Ocasio-Cortez channels her Inner Spicy Latina and bounces along to gringo music.

Any claim she grew up a chula in da Bronx died with the emergence of this evidence of her knowledge of 'burb culture.

Gallery of beaner Alexandria "Sandy" Ocasio-Cortez Shaking her Tetas with the BU Gringos About missing Pics
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2017: Thievin' At the Bar




I have a degree in economics, so don't tell me how to make drinks, --Alexandria "Sandy" Ocasio-Cortez, 2017

Eventually, she graduated from Boston University, and became an intern to Ted Kennedy. When the CIA assassinated Kennedy by spiking his nose candy with Dran-O, she moved back to New York City. There, she used everything she had learned about Economics and International Affairs at Boston University to become a bitter-culo bartender.

"Sandy" is Puerto Rican (in case you hadn't noticed), and Ricans gonna Rican, so Ocasio-Cortez naturally couldn't help stealing tips from her working-class co-workers (just like she will do to you to fund gibs for her constituents). Srsly:

At the end of the night, when it came time to split the $560 in tips she had gotten at the bar, Ocasio-Cortez gave the waitress only $50. After the waitress complained to her manager, her take was doubled to $100, a source said.

“It says so much about her character,” said my source. “From that point on, I wouldn’t talk to her. I couldn’t look at her.”


—--Coworker at FlatsFix Mexican restaurant

But those putas were white, so who gives a shit, mang?

2018: Thievin' The Primary

Being an uppity millennial bitch who doesn't know her place, Ocasio-Cortez was never one to wait her turn. You see, her opponent, Joe Crowley hadn't dropped dead yet, and he hadn't yet consumed enough Christian baby blood to be reanimated via Jewish Necromancy to serve as Speaker of the House like Nancy Pelosi, so as per the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, Ocasio-Cortez was to serve as a concubine to Harvey Weinstein for ten years before she could be allowed to run for fucking dog catcher, let alone Joe Crowley's House seat. Unfortunately, as Weinstein is currently servicing Bubba in jail, there was really nothing forcing her to abide by the Protocols, so she launched her own primary challenge with basically no campaign funding and no political outreach other than Facebook and tumblr.

Crowley was, however, enough of an establishment oldfag to be set in his ways, and believed that Wall Street money alone would be enough to carry him to victory. While he allowed Mossad to do his campaigning for him, he would be free to jockey for Speaker of the House when Pelosi finally ran out of virgin blood to stay alive, without having to pay any attention to the niggers and spics that make up his district in Queens and the Bronx, or their issues. He was so sure of this strategy that he didn't even bother to show up to his debates. And why would he? This strategy worked so well for President Hillary Clinton, after all!

Having apparently learned absolutely nothing from 2016, the year Our Lord and Führer ascended to His rightful place in America, Crowley failed to take into account that palling around with kikes and ignoring your voters is, in fact, anathema to voters, even of the black and brown variety. And because this is Jew York City, Ocasio-Cortez is all but guaranteed to win in November, meaning we have some washed-up old establishment shabbos goy to blame for this shrill bitch being inflicted on us come the general election.

On Second Thought...: Gringo Dems Not Feeling WEPA! About Sandy

File:Ocasio buttons 0.jpg
Hmmm... maybe this "Sandy" chica ISNT the best message to send the voters...
All sorts of Democrats are sounding the alarm. They seem to get what Ocasio-Cortez’s pseudo-Marxist agenda represents for the party. They range from the former speaker, Nancy Pelosi, to Congressmen Alcee Hastings of Florida (“meteors fizz out”) to Bill Pascrell of New Jersey (“she ain’t gonna make friends”), to name a few.


Archive today-ico.png Ruh-Roh!

Well, that didn't take long. Barely a week after it was pointed out that the Dem Irishman she defeated, Joe Crowley Archive today-ico.png will remain on the ticket on the Working Families Party line, the first prominent Dem, ((((Joe Lieberman)))), has Archive today-ico.png suggested voters spit out the spicy Latina in favor of the saucey Irish American.

Primary elections on August 8th proved that, unlike da Bronx, Midwest voters just weren't "feeling" the Sandy vibe. Despite a barnstorming tour of speeches on behalf of various "Socialist Democrats," ALL of Sandy's picks were defeated. Here's the lineup:

...well, except for Pervy Bernie

External Links

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