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Barney and Friends

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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This article was brought to you by your imagination!
or bloodthirsty child rapist?
Gentle, boy-loving furry?
Barney the dinosaur and his companions Baby Bop and BJ, siblings who sometimes guest on his show

Barney and Friends is a television show that came from the realms of horrible T.V. In the 90's, no other children's television show was as hated and reviled as Barney. In fact, if you wanted to torture someone to madness and beyond, you would lock them in a room and play nothing but "Barney the Dinosaur".

The main character, Barney was an anthropomorphic purple T-Rex that had been neutered and lobotomized and made into a pussy vegan slave to politically correct America. As such, Barney performed simple song and dance in order to teach children how to eat shit and how to rape furry animals at will.

Barney's general theme was driving adults to drink and plot ways to murder a dinosaur.

It was ranked on TV Guide's List of the 50 Worst TV Shows of All Time at #50. Seriously.

Lack of Educational Value

[H]is shows do not assist children in learning to deal with negative feelings and emotions. As one commentator puts it, the real danger from Barney is denial: the refusal to recognize the existence of unpleasant realities. For along with his steady diet of giggles and unconditional love, Barney offers our children an one-dimensional world where everyone must be happy and everything must be resolved right away.


—Some commentator; apparently, Barney makes kids go into denial.

It is now known that the true purpose of Barney was to produce brain dead morons who couldn't think for themselves and be spineless pussies. Many commented that the show lacked any educational value or substantive, positive content which only added to the hatred for the show. Not to mention Barney walked around in a purple costume, which is completely straight. And remember kids:

Barney in Modern Culture

It is safe to say that Barney is THE most hated thing in pop culture.

Songs were conceived calling for his death, comics were drawn showing him dying horribly, Animaniacs mocked him as a cosmic horror known as "Baloney", and one mascot made up an entire act beating up another mascot in a Barney suit.

If 4chan was up and about in the 90s, Barney bashing would have its own forum with a steady stream of anti-Barney memes coming out on an hourly basis.

However, 4chan was not necessary in the days when Barney & Friends was at its peak popularity. The interbuttz responded naturally to such an abomination, spawning the Usenet newsgroup "alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die", which was geared to the satirization, defamation and denouncement of Barney in any and all forms, even spawning a "roleplay" world in which members of the group would take on paramilitary personae, equipping themselves with such hardware as "Anti-Barney MechWarrior Units" and other assorted battle gear to defeat the rising tide of "Barneyism".

TL;DR: Barney was hated even in the days of "milk and honey" interbuttz, and the net as a whole rose to combat him.

  • "I love you, you love me, let's hang Barney from a tree.."
  • "I love you, you love me, ho-mo-se-xu-al-i-ty..."
  • "I love you, you love me, pe-do-phile, dontcha see?"
  • and "A great big slug, for me to send you too, won't you say I HATE YOU TOO?"

Barney Torture

Barney is well-known for having the worst song in fucking existence. Just try and listen to it without wanting to jab a pencil through your ear canals:

God Mode Enabled.

This song is also one of the six songs used for torturing people.[1] That's right kids. Your government repeatedly plays this song to camel jockeys in order to get them to beg for mercy. The good folks over at Guantanamo Bay like to use it as an interrogation technique, or maybe they just like to fuck with dirty sand niggers. Whatever the case, they apparently played it so much, that it has gained the title of "the most overused song in the U.S. interrogator’s arsenal."

Interrogators at Guantanamo Bay... used the sappy kids’ show theme song as “futility music” to convince detainees of the futility of maintaining their silence. One United Kingdom human rights group protested President George W. Bush’s visit to England by blasting the song in his general direction.


—In his general direction

PROTIP: Mic-spam these songs in any video game with mic chat and then you'll have the entire server to yourself in no time at all.

ANOTHER PROTIP: B'harni heads a cult, he's the main leader and puts all his members into a hypnotic trance.

<video type="youtube" id="Zrem9qvemoY" width="200" height="200" desc="Barney will show you later. Or maybe not." frame="true" position="right"/>

See Also

External Links

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Television & Film

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