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Difference between revisions of "Gone Home"

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("Game"play)
(How it got positive reviews (Hint: Not by being good))
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Gone Home didn't have to actually be good to get good reviews, it only needed to know the right people.
 
Gone Home didn't have to actually be good to get good reviews, it only needed to know the right people.
  
Half the people that reviewed it at first did so before anyone else even knew what the fuck it was and they all gave it a perfect 10/10. You know what else all those people had in common? They all took part in a podcast group called '''"Idle Thumbs"''' together with the people who make the game. Others, like the writers at Polygon, had a personal friendship with the creator for at least two years before that and were invited to that podcast a week before posting the review. Which explaines why Polygon picked this point-and-drag adventure game with all the pointing and draging taken out as their "Game of the Year".
+
Half the people that reviewed it at first did so before anyone else even knew what the fuck it was and they all gave it a perfect 10/10. You know what else all those people had in common? They all took part in a podcast group called '''"Idle Thumbs"''' together with the people who make the game. Others, like the writers at '''"Polygon"''', [http://www.reddit.com/r/KotakuInAction/comments/2jy59e/more_corruption_at_polygon_gone_home_nepotism/ had a personal friendship with the creator for at least two years before that] and were invited to that podcast a week before posting the review. Which explaines why Polygon picked this point-and-drag adventure game with all the pointing and draging taken out as their "Game of the Year".
  
 
Later this will be used as a perfect example of gaming journalism's [[corruption]] during [[GamerGate]]. But what do you expect from Polygon? A site who's [http://blogjob.com/oneangrygamer/2014/09/gamergate-borderlands-2-dev-outs-destructoid-corruption-polygon-nepotism/ editor used his position to hire his own brother].
 
Later this will be used as a perfect example of gaming journalism's [[corruption]] during [[GamerGate]]. But what do you expect from Polygon? A site who's [http://blogjob.com/oneangrygamer/2014/09/gamergate-borderlands-2-dev-outs-destructoid-corruption-polygon-nepotism/ editor used his position to hire his own brother].

Revision as of 15:07, 28 October 2014









Gone Home going full indie
A humble suggestion for the game developers.

"Gone Home" is a full-on architectural simulator, where you control Kaitlin Greenbriar who will unravel the uninteresting history of her lesbian sister who decided to bail on her military duty in order to scissor with her dyke friend. You can also learn about how her parents don't love each other anymore, her uncle is a child molester who is now a ghost and you will get to experience a lot of 90's references and text... lots and lots of text.

The "game" got steller reviews from videogame websites and videogame critics who were, incidentally, all friends with the creator and told people that this was literally the best game of the year and that they should run out and buy it. When they did buy it they realized this "game" wasn't a game at all.


Story and "Game"play

You wander around in an empty house inside of which your family has spread clues about their whereabouts like the fucking riddler, because that is wholesome and expected family activity, before abandoning the house outright. You will have to find clues and keys before the next door can be opened, because why would a key fit all doors in your own fucking house, right? I mean, why would you even have the keys to all the doors in your own house, right!?
Anyway, all you do is walk, click on things, and then another block of text pops up on screen. So the game feels like a simulator of what its like to communicate with your family via post-it notes.

There is no way to fail at this "game." At all. The only challenge this game has is staying awake. The game is linear as fuck and can be completed in less than 90 seconds, which is 90 seconds more than you should play this shit. Of course, white knights and LGBT communities defend this horrible attempt at a game, as actually being a game, despite the fact that there is no difference from this and Google Maps with some lesbian fanfiction thrown into it.

Reception

Retards wanting to appeal to all SJW praise this shit as being edgy, simply for having a lesbian character. Nobody else gives a flying fuck, and just sees this as a broken mess of shitty art thrown together with a sprinkle of lesbo flavoring.


An actual review of this shit. Longer than the
actual game, and more interactive.


Gone Home Steam Tags.jpg
Even Steam gets this game is nothing but a walking simulator.


How it got positive reviews (Hint: Not by being good)

Gone Home didn't have to actually be good to get good reviews, it only needed to know the right people.

Half the people that reviewed it at first did so before anyone else even knew what the fuck it was and they all gave it a perfect 10/10. You know what else all those people had in common? They all took part in a podcast group called "Idle Thumbs" together with the people who make the game. Others, like the writers at "Polygon", had a personal friendship with the creator for at least two years before that and were invited to that podcast a week before posting the review. Which explaines why Polygon picked this point-and-drag adventure game with all the pointing and draging taken out as their "Game of the Year".

Later this will be used as a perfect example of gaming journalism's corruption during GamerGate. But what do you expect from Polygon? A site who's editor used his position to hire his own brother.



But What did the Actual Players Think of the "Game"?

It's shit.

Everyone thought it was shit and were pissed off at all game review sites who told them to buy it either because it championed their gay, left wing idiology or because the reviewers and the developers were secretly butt-buddies.

So, while reviewes from game sites were overwhelmingly good, reviews from actual customers who had just been duped into spending 20$ on 20 minutes of pro-gay propaganda with no gameplay, were overwhelmingly bad. Consisting mostly of "constructive criticism" like: "This is not a game", "This is a walking simulator", "I want my 20$ back" and "I want 5 minutes of my life back".

Penny Arcade and Dickwolves

Scary

The retards behind Gone Home, known as The Fullbright Company, got invited to PAX (Penny Arcade Expo) where they would present their abortion. But someone at Penny Arcade had previously drawn Dickwolves, and by "previously" we mean "about 4 years ago". So Fullbright decided not to go over some drama that was over long ago.


   
 
We are a four-person team. Two of us are women and one of us is gay. Gone Home deals in part with LGBT issues. This stuff is important to us, on a lot of different levels. And Penny Arcade is not an entity that we feel welcomed by or comfortable operating alongside.
 

 
 

"This has something to do with us because rape only happens to gay people", Fullbright

Gone Home Special Edition

And boy do we mean special edition, as you have to be pretty special to buy it.
Here's what you'll get:

  • The software on a disc. Yes, something nobody uses anymore. It took them 5 whole minutes to put it down onto a disc.
  • The soundtrack, which is complete rubbish and can be found for free here. It only lasts 17 minutes, which is 17 minutes longer than this turd of a walking simulator.
  • A fucking sticker.
  • A notebook filled with incomplete drawings, much like the software actually. How fitting.
  • Sam and Lonnie's zine. See gallery for details.


Only $29,99 plus shipping and VAT

What you won't get:

  • A game


   
 
The DVD case is adorned with Aleks Sennwald’s fabulous Lisa Frank-inspired binder art, in glorious high-resolution
 

 
 

Steve the faggot, Not understanding how high resolution doesn't translate to printed materials

Gallery

See also

External links


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Other People and Sites That Got Involved:


People: Videogame "Journalists"Videogame ReviewersAdam BaldwinCameron BakerAnne RiceWilliam ShatnerJoss WhedonHideki KamiyaBoogie2988JonTronEgoraptorChris ChanAhuviya Harel/ADF-Fuensalidam00tA Man in BlackNick DentonEllen PaoDerek SmartDarksydePhilMrRepzionSuey Park‎Richard DawkinsRichard StallmanNerdcubedJoshua IdehenVordrakWil WheatonCarly FiorinaFilthy FrankJim SterlingValisHDShoe0nHeadTotalBiscuitTheamazingatheistThunderf00tJulian AssangeWeevIcze4rAlisonPrimeZoe AskalonNolongersilencedTony SidawayDJBPlaythroughsGeorge R.R MartinStephen ColbertRoosh VNorthBySouthBaranofIronholdsGabe and TychoAlison RappMaddoxFaggot Who Started OWSSceptre‎TheRalphRetortChris KluweTauriq MoosaParkourDude91The Wannabe DickridersJewWarioTodd in the ShadowsLordKatAngry JoeMaxofs2dCowkittyAsalieriJerry PeetCraig BrittainSir WulfingtonAlex WuoriAndrew HussieTransFrequencyDylann Storm RoofSargon of Akkad.

Sites: RedditVoatRationalWikiSJWiki76chanTwitterWikipediaTGWTGBoingBoingVICEGOGTheMarySueStormFrontScrewAttackThe EscapistBuzzfeedSalonPatreonJezebelWe Hunted The MammothSomething AwfulTV Trope4chanEncyclopedia Dramatica ForumsEncyclopedia Dramatica.

Others: FacadeCards Against HumanityGNAABill Waggoner CrewMSNBC/CNN/BBC etcThe GuardianElectronic ArtsIntelAdobeGoogleShirtgateMillion Dollar ExtremeFire EmblemFleetCOMMHatredDead or AlivePostal 2BaphometAnonymousGamersEverybody else on the internet and their dog.

Minor Related Pages: Censored article about Brianna WuList of people to annoy with your bullshitSarah Butts FFshrine chatlogsList of people defending Butts' pedophiliaThe DMCA butts sent usMilo Yiannopoulos - The feminist versionShanley Kane's butthurt rantThe Great Gawker Implosion of 2015Chatlogs of Ralph's group dedicated to monitoring if anyone is saying nasty things about him online consisting mostly of people who are trolling him.




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(What a coincidence. Gone Home is a stub as well!)