Lurker

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A self-confessed lurker on the Gamingforce Forums
Lurkers enjoy hiding underground while attacking.

A lurker is a person who, well, um... lurks. Don't know what a lurker is? OK, retard. A Lurker has an account, is actively reading, downloading, and doing shit, but NEVER FUCKING POSTS. Lurkers are also creatures in Starcraft which enjoy digging holes in the ground and raping Marines by shooting spines out of their ass. The more you lurk, the more you realize how complete shit everything is. Chances are, you will not be affected by the unwarranted self importance virus when you submit your user-generated content. The IRL version of a lurker is a loner. If you become one, you will realize what is wrong with your nation. It will occur to you that your countrymen engaged in fervent serious business nationalistic debates on Youtube should in fact improve their finding decent fapping material expertise instead.

Types of Lurkers[edit]

   
 
In principle, there is no such thing as too much lurking.
 

 
 

Honorary Ed Lolington, judge in matters concerning Internet law

Rabid Reader[edit]

This kind of lurker has no life. They sit there refreshing the forums just to see if anyone new has posted. If someone so much as farts they will know about it.

This kind of lurker makes an amazing troll if they have a good memory as every moment of stupidity will be remembered, screencapped, and ready for use when the time arises. If they have a shit memory or are too much of a pussy to troll, then they're just a waste of flesh who spends too much time on the internet.

Jew

Torrent Tard[edit]

This lurker is there just to get free shit off others' resources and never contributes anything. This happens most often in torrent communities where the guy going "OMG! plz seed. kthnxbai" is usually same the guy who never fucking seeds anything. This also happens a lot in Hentai sharing communities where people just fap but never upload and on 4chan with the bastards who are "downloading everything but contributing nothing" or who come to /r/ just to request that someone give them sauce yet never help others find shit.

Because of such faggotry, image boards such as 4chan have now become one of the most disgusting an horrid cesspools of newfags reposting old hentai, and other less important images. This once lulzy image board is now riddled with the most faggot induced cancer of all time.

These guys are fail Jews too stingy to part with a single red cent of their precious bandwith or time by contributing. Don't be one of these faggots; it's less cool than being a furry as at least furries share their shit where these lazy fags can't be arsed to do that much.

Got a Life[edit]

These formerly contributing members of a community have stopped contributing because they have gotten their asses off their badly worn computer chairs and have gotten a life. This sort of lurker lurks just because between not failing at life, having a hot girlfriend, and making tons of cash at their sweet job they don't have time to post on your shitty little Livejournal anymore. However, they still like to check in just for the lulz.

This kind of lurker has won the game. Try to be like him.

Starcraft[edit]

A lurker is also a Zerg unit from Starcraft. Internets users seem to think it is funny to mention this when the subject of lurkers comes up. However, this generates no lulz and only serves to confirm that they do not know any— ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKE!


Newbs & Newfags[edit]

Handy diagram of this section

OK, so these kinds of lurkers don't exist, as most n00bs don't know to shut the fuck up and lurk instead of posting. Seriously, if a single one of these rabid retards spent more than a week actually reading shit before opening their braindead traps to spew nonsense, then the rest of the world wouldn't resent them so much.

If you are a newfag or newb reading this, for the love of god STOP POSTING AND START READING! There is no such thing as lurking too much. In fact, here is some good reading material for you to look up...

  • The Article of the Now
  • Any of the "Good New Articles" under the many portals (look at the bottom of the linked page. Those links are PORTALS!)
  • Any featured article on the portals
  • Any of the links in the box below for examples of what not to do...

See Also[edit]

Lurker is part of a series on Language & Communication
Languages and DialectsGrammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and UsageRhetorical StrategiesPoetryThe Politics of Language and CommunicationMediaVisual Rhetoric
Click topics to expand
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