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Mel "Sugartits" Gibson (born Shlomo Zuckerman) is the vanguard of the battle against the forces of anti-lulz, or possibly just a sad ruin of a once-mighty man.He is considered to be among the greatest men who ever walked on this planet like Jesus and had the balls to stand against the the worlds biggest problem despite the fact they control the media and Hollywood and therefore risking his worldwide reputation. Once a rich and beautiful action star who was the sexual desire of every obese housewife in the 1980s, Mel's heydey is long past. And so he settles in to direct increasingly crappy movies as his waistline expands, his hair greys, and his bigoted views become more and more public. Gibson owns a $5 million Catholic church in Southern California which is notable for its jailhouse preaching community outreach program.
When not seducing porn stars behind his wife's back, getting arrested for drunk driving, or making Jesus fanfic Aramaic snuff movies in which the lead actor gets struck down by lightning... TWICE, Mel spends his time homeschooling his children.
He is also the first to win two Nobel Prizes for Racism, both for his mad rants about Jews, niggers, and Jews again.
A History of Hate
Mel's life story is a history of hatred. Born in New York, but raised on the blighted Isle of Ausfalia, he grew up hating Aboriginal, and by extension all black person. Mel Gibson was raised Catholic, and when we say "Catholic", we don't mean those nice men in the funny robes who offer you candy in exchange for meeting them in the confessional, we are talking Original Catholic muthafuckas who do their masses in Latin consider the current pope to be an evil false pope, and still pray for the conversion of the Jews. Being a handsome, strong aryan young man, Mel decided to seek his fortune as an actor. After dominating the limited movie scene in Australia, he left for the greener pastures of Hollywood. As he walked into his first casting call, he looked at the casting director. He took in the big nose, the curly hair, the pale skin, and the high nasal whine of his voice. It was a filthy fucking Jew! The Jewish casting director eyed Mel up and down, taking in his manly form with avid interest. "Okay Mr. Gibson, I think I have a part for you. Of course, simply as a formality, I'll have to ask you to... read a few lines". And slowly lowered his pants to reveal a bulging semi, and indicated to Mel that he should suck it.
Mel stumbled out of the office in shock, his only thought to inform the authorities, when he began paying closer attention to the other workers in the office. The Jews were everywhere in Hollywood, it all made sense now. Mel nearly broke down in tears as he finally accepted the realization; the Jews run Hollywood. Numbly he stumbled into a bar, considering his options. He could either get back on the plane and return to the nigger filled deserts of Australia, or he could go back and suck that kike's dick and achieve wealth and fame. He knew what he had to do. He hardened his heart, and looked up at the bartender, "I'll take a double whiskey, please". A few hours later, Mel stumbled out of the casting agency, his first check in his hand. With all the drinks he'd had, it hadn't even tasted so bad. From then on, Mel was committed to a life of alcholism. He drank to make the daily task of tasting Jew cum bearable. He kept that part of his personality locked away, but it was only a matter of time before the strain broke him.
And so the forces of the universe combined to make Mel into the perfect hating machine; racist, sexist, anti-semitic, and drunk as a fucking skunk.
One fateful night, Mel was speeding home after imbibing heavily to wash some particularly bad tasting Jew-cum out of his mouth, when he was detained by the authorities. A quick breathalyzer made it obvious that Mel Gibson was not sober, even by Russian standards, and they began hauling him away. The strain of the night, combined with exhaustion and alcohol finally freed a part of Mel's soul he had thought long dead. "Are you a Jew?" he fiercely inquired of one officer. "Jews are responsible for all the wars in history". As they hauled him into the station, Mel's soul blazed with new fire. To a female officer he said "What are you looking at, Sugar Tits?". It was only after he had made a SECOND phony apology to the kikes when he looked around his home and realized, "I'm fucking rich". He realized that after all of his years of paying his Jew-Dues, he was now a wealthy and influential figure on the Hollywood scene. He would make the Jews pay, he would make them ALL pay.
And so he set about recreating the greatest anti-Semetic scene in history; the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ. And so Mel set to work, creating the greatest hate film since Birth of a Nation. He created The Passion of the Christ, which was for all intents and purposes a snuff film. Despite its violent and historically inaccurate content, it was shown at churches and other religious gatherings nation wide.
Having become too fat for acting, Mel settled firmly into his role as a director. After he made the Passion, he made a few other films nobody gave a fuck about, but all was not well in the Gibson house. With his anti-semitism finally free, his other prejudices broke loose as well, and he turned his ugly wrath on the women in his life.
Mel Gibson ist ein Jude
The final piece of the puzzle has been found. Mel has heretofore exhibited every sign of being an Adolf incarnate, such as Jewtred, his annilingual relationship with the Church of Cathology and artistic aspierations.
Well, every sign but one. Hitler was actually of Jewish stock on his grandmother's side. Like every self-hating, white-chick boinking nigra, Dolfie saw perfection in his opposite: tall, blue-eyed and blond.
His fanboi flick about a long-haired, bearded Jew raked in $600M. Mel made bank, plenty to finance his next masterpiece, Apocalypto. Did he share any of it with the unfortunate soul who actually wrote the film? Nope.
First he lied to that writer, and convinced him that it would be a low-budget, low-profit indie film. The poor screenwriter got only $75K for his pains. Which further proves that Gibson really is at least a little Jewish.
What's that you say? Typical Hollywood? "Sounds just like Randy Quaid, who got paid peanuts for Brokeback Mountain and later sued when the soft-porn flick raked in $150M, instead of being the arthouse indie they told him it would be"? Wrong. Ang Lee may be inscrutable, but he ain't no Jew.
Mel Gibson not only ripped the screenwriter off, he then did what Jews have always done, he LOANED that fellow 200k, so in the end, his salary for writing a huge blockbuster was a debt of $125K, plus interest. Usury and Jewry sound similar for a reason.
There you have it. Jewish is as Jewish does. Mel Gibson ain't a racist. It's just good old-fashioned self-hatred.
Mad Max anti-simetic deleted scene.
Some Recent News
On March 19th, 2010, Mel was apparently in a "state of shock" upon his discovery that a construction worker had been found in "full-body rigor mortis" hanging from a rafter on one of his numerous properties. The ultimate cause of death is still to be determined by the Los Angeles Coroner's office but Mel has already narrowed down the cause to be one of two minority groups.
Dem Fukkin Hoes
Many decades ago, Mel was married to some breeder of a woman called Robyn Denise Moore (not to be confused with the far sluttier Demi Moore), and had seven kids with her. This stretched her vagina out so badly that Mel couldn't derive any pleasure from pounding it, and so he divorced her. To deal with the resulting emptiness he felt after her leaving, he did what so many of us do to deal with loneliness: he drank a bottle of scotch and called a Russian hooker. This particular hooker, Oksana Grigorieva, fancied herself a musician, and pissed away much of his hard-sucked money on her pathetic music career. Being a Catholic, Mel Gibson knocked her up and had another daughter with her. Naturally after seeing what a fake-titted, Hollywooded out gold-digging cunt whore she was, Mel Gibson split from her, but not before teaching her some very abject life lessons. Of course, being a communist gold digger bitter cunt whore, she took it personally and took advantage of poor Mel's inebriated state and baited him into calling her, cruelly taping the calls.
The Calls - Words of Wisdom
Knowing she could bilk Mel for even more money, she waited until she knew he would almost certainly be drunk, which was roughly 3pm, and then called him up. This sent the drunken Mel into a rage as she made call after call. What followed was some of the lulziest material to ever be caught on tape. Clearly drunk, and panting like Rush Limbaugh trying to masturbate, he screamed and railed while she coyly played the injured party. He criticized her appearance accusing her of lying about her fake tits, that he complained were too big and made her look like "a Vegas whore", even though he almost certainly paid for them. He repeatedly called her a "bitch whore gold digger cunt", and made vague threats about "coming over there" even though odds are even that with the amount of liquor in his system, he wouldn't have made it halfway before pwning a minivan with some kids inside. He whined like a total bitch about all the love and money he had showered upon her, and his immediate pressing need for a blowjob:
— Mel explains how Oksana didn't fulfill her obligations in their relationship
As her cool and coy attitude and her foreign accent slowly got Mel into new depths of rage, he uttered what was perhaps the greatest thing ever said by anyone ever.
—Mel professes his concern for Oksana's physical safety
Despite his concern for her well-being and his desire not to see her get raped by a gang of niggers, Cocksana cruelly continued to goad the father of her child. Reminding her that she was a mere hooker, and therefore her life was meaningless, he said he'd "put her in the rose garden", because he was "that kind of guy". As Oksana hung up for the final time, she rubbed her nose where the surgery had concealed her Jew. Her mission had been successful, the once mighty Jewhater Mel Gibson had been brought low. The information on the tapes allowed the police, once fearful of the martial arts skills he had showed in Road Warrior and Braveheart, to open a domestic abuse case upon him. The Jews had won.
Okay, we know you fags only came here to see a panoply of the funniest quotes from the phonecalls, so here you motherfucking ingrates go. There's still another hour's worth of lulz being held in the vaults at Radar Online (they've been dropping a new Mel RAGE bomb every day so you don't spooge up your room all at once) so you may want to bookmark this page.
—Mel, staying calm under pressure.
Oksana Drama Links
- Mel Gibson's Explosive Racist Rant
- Mel Gibson Admits Hitting Oksana, Threatens To Kill Her
- Another Mel Gibson Slur Caught On Tape In Crazed Rage
- Out Of Control Mel Gibson Says He'll Burn Down House After Demanding Sex
- Mel Gibson Completely Loses It: 'Bitch, Cunt, Whore, Gold Digger!'
- 卐 Mel Gibson hates Jews 卐
- It's not like Mel didn't warn us...about the Jews
- Mel lets Mexicans have some hate.
- Mel Needs Therapy.
- Mel is a steam engine.
- Some still love Mel Gibson.
- Audio of Mel flipping his shit; recorded by Joe Eszterhas's 15-year-old son, Nick.
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