From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Article of the Now
Mitchell received the coveted Golden iPod
for his feat...but then later lost it
Mitchell Henderson (died April 20, 2006) killed himself over losing an iPod after realizing how his parents betrayed him after human genitalia class, listening to Morrissey and getting bullied for being an wimpy white kid. Mitchell's parents set up an tribute MySpace page for their dead son, which a lucky /b/tard happened to stumble upon and forward to the rest of the collective. In the wake of Mitch's death were hundreds of misspelled comments from his supposed friends calling him "an Hero", an phrase which quickly caught on with the invading anons and has since become an term for an person that causes an lollercoaster via suicide.
It is now known that the real reason he was depressed was that his Dad video taped him masturbating, probably to shotacon, or other teenage boys, or perhaps wincest, and sold it for child porn. Henderson's alcoholic, methamphetamine abusing father also anally molested him multiple times with knives, broken beer bottles, and lit crack pipes from the time he turned 9. All his relatives would sit around and fap to the porn, while reminiscing about the time he took an horse cock in the ass and loved it.
Nonetheless, the pr0n ended up on Henderson's iPod, because he liked to show his gay friends at school (he was only ever popular with the gay boys, anyhow). He thus blew his brains out, causing all kindz of lulz on the Internet.
His father denied the alleged charges of sexually abusing his son, stating "I only ever had sex with the dog, you fucking niggers! I just watched Mitch jack off and sold it to Catholic Priests as porn! You would've done the same thing if you had an gay son with no future!".
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Thread of the Now
i dont wanna go to prison
17 year old lolcow on the forum commits identity fraud. Forum users report him to the FBI to watch him freak out.
Did You Know...
From Encyclopædia Dramatica's endless supply of factoids:
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- ... that there's also ED_NewPages and #EDAOTN?
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- ... that some female tried (and failed epically) to prove she was as good a killer as a man when she only managed to wound some geeks at JewTube?
- ... that #BlackLivesMatter is still trying to prove that everyone hasn't forgotten that waaay out of fad hash via the white massa' that runs it now?
- ... that some some Syrians got killed or bombed or gassed or something and that it's something that Western nations should give a flaming shit about?
- ... that Dan "Show me your Feet" Schneider (best know for TV shows All That, Good Burger/Kenan and Kel, Drake & Josh, and iCarly) has been fired from Nickelodeon after a lengthy reign of terror?
- ... that a Flat Earth Truther tried to launch himself into space with a home-made rocket?
- ... that a Maryland (USA) woman attempted to punish her autistic son, ISIS-style?
- ... that Burger King is not a fan of teh drugs?
- ... that a woman in Florida called nigger a nigger, humped his arm, and schlicked all while in his custody?
- ... that a woman who used a plastic penis to dupe her dumb, blindfolded girlfriend into believing she was actually a man has been jailed?
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