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Weev is part of a series on Programming.
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[01:33] <weev> what kind of furry bluefox are you?
[01:33] <weev> i have a giant weevil costume
[01:33] <weev> with fawn horns
[01:33] <weev> to symbolize my malevolence
In early 2009, weev had collected such a large group of followers that he has started his own church. His evangelical sermons were published every Sunday on his YouTube channel.
POSSESSION CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE
On June 15th, 2010, Weev was raided by the Apple gestapo, executing a dubious search warrant looking for anything at all. According to the official report, upon breaking his door down, the AT&T stormtroopers found him engaging in intercourse with the long-lost body of Natalee Holloway on top of piles of cocaine, ecstasy, LSD, and schedule 2 and 3 pharmaceuticals. Weev was arrested on over 9000 counts of Possession of a Controlled Substance, but everybody knows the drugs were planted on him by Ma Bell since they couldn't arrest him for using a form on their web site.
Weev is serving as his own Attorney at lol and was released 6/17/2010 at 11:33am after telling the judge the Cochran-esque "If lulz were had, I can't be bad" and posting bail.
Still, this Neufchatel-oozing cunt-cramp of pseudo-legal assfuckery dares hassle OUR HERO. But HA! True lulz will be had. One almost pities the off-the-rack suits and FBI castratos who dare prosecute this John the Baptist Neuromancer, without understanding his powers (Level 25 Lawyer, for one) Crimson beard aloft, he will strut across the courtroom with the chutzpah of a thousand Ted Bundies. Flying on a natural high of spinal chemicals, he will tongue-lash the drones who idiotically assumed he was just another drug-addled scriptfag. (Weev has NEVER used drugs. He doesn't have to; he creates them within his body. That's what Int 25, Wis 25, Cha 25 can do. Also, Weev is an intermediate god of the eL33t pantheon - Chaotic Neutral with Good tendencies.)
THE ENTIRE FRACAS is an exercise in amusement for our hero. So do not fret for him. Fools choose Disneyland for amusement; men like Weev boldly leap into a frying pan to reduce hick lawmen to tears and beat down Lady Liberty (who is, most definitely, a trap). He does this for chaos, which is true liberty, which is freedom.
Weev, with a tap of his gingerbread fingers, exposed the daemonic faggotry of Apple's precious iPad, also know as the rich man's eight track tape. This heroic act forced the lazy fucks to fill in the hole and this slammed the door in the rubbery lipped faces of millions of Nigerian identity horkers. Millions of gullible Americans are saved from the AIDS-loaded earfucks. My advice is, always carry knife or scissors. You never know when a long veiny niggerman's chikenneck will emerge in the middle of a mother's day call.
THE GREAT AMERICAN HERO who should be acclaimed as such was instead branded "hacker", a buzzword testgroups rank just a step above terrorist. Since Americunts are programmed to despise anyone smart enough to use a computer for anything more than Homo Love Connection and push-button monkey crap, Apple thought they could play the oldest trick in the book - planting drugs. (A tasty collection at that. I'm thinking the S2 is sweet juicy Dex or sweet juicier Desoxyn and S3 some big fat bars or pins for chillin. As if Weev would need such primitive stimulation. There's a theory the drugs really belonged to one of the staggeringly hot JAPs of his harem, but that theory is ridiculous, for Weev can turn you on with a touch, neigh, a word! He's like an methamphetamine-breathing dragon, that boy!)
THUS, DO NOT FEAR, PATRIOTS! Weev could be buttplugged in bondage and thrown over Niagara falls in a barrel roll, and remain forever free. I deign not predict his outcome but even behind bars (if that is part of his master plan) like Al Capone he is fully capable of running things from the inside. Prison would become a castle; the conjugal trailers will rock like never before. And he'll get a chance to hang with those WM3 guys, and Bill Clinton's brother. Maybe Weev the Baptist imprisoned will trigger the LULZ MESSIAH we have waited, with yearnin' hearts, so damn fucking long for. WHATEVER HAPPENS, IT IS VICTORY. WE ARE TOO AWESOME TO FAIL. (stay tuned, hungry millions.)
Weev and the cruelty of the Jews
After the feeble attempt by the Anti-Defamation League to troll Weev, and the subsequent shakedown by corporate thugs, he has since been financially unable to provide for himself of much needed Jew gold and his precious sacrament was taken by the Feds, denying him basic human rights and religious freedom. Fortunately, he was released on bail last Thursday under the condition of limited internets use and working for The Man. Despite employment, he is still in need of funding for an Attorney at lol. So instead of spending your precious Bitcoin on hookers and blow and the Assassination Market, you should donate them to his defense fund. That way, the original troll of troll's can bask in the cool breeze of freedom once more and the Lulz shall be had again.
Recently, some lolcows at a liberal nigger hippie radio station gave weev a radio show on Sundays in the 3am-6am timeslot, where he trolls in hard mode and drops some trolling music, while preaching the word of Raptor Jesus. He breaches such lighthearted topics as abortion, Neocon greed, the evils of Liberalism, and the OCW movement. He made two broadcasts before he was banhammered for his unorthodox rhetoric that was interpreted by the radio station owners to be racist, which is an absurd insinuation and a claim which weev fervently denies. His first transmission can be watched on the Jewtube.
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